RSVP to my 4 year old’s party told me they’re bringing 2yr old sibling

[Watchespaintdry]

We’re doing a 4th bday party at home for my daughter (money is tight hence at home), sent the invites out yesterday specifically addressed to the invited child and one of my friends has responded saying their daughter + 2yr old brother would love to come (she’s worded it to imply they don’t have childcare). So she’s telling me, not asking me, that the brother is coming too. I’ve been to parties before and always asked if if was ok to bring my 2.5yr old son too, due to lack of childcare, and these were soft play parties with no space issues, as it were. If they’d said no I couldn’t, I’d be totally cool and understand.

Thing is, I’m concerned about the space, and that this person will have 2 kids to watch. We’ve only got so much space around the dining table. She was the first to rsvp and now I’m worried other people are gonna bring siblings. I’ve got no problem with the brother, he’s cute and lovely and I love my friend and don’t want to upset her. I’ve invited 11 of my daughter’s friends (mixture of preschool and others) and confident they won’t all be able to come, given party statistics. Should I just suck it up and hope no one else brings siblings? This is the first party I’ve ever hosted.
My 2.5 yr old son will also be there (ofcourse).

A few people declining will help with the space. But if you can't accommodate the siblings then I think say the older child can attend without their mum, this negating the child care issue. We could fit 10 children, but not 10 children and 10 adults, never mind additional uninvited children, so the space thing is genuine. But 10 party children with no additional adults is quite a feat.

Absolutely this.
My son has been to 4 parties already this term (Mr Popular haha) between pre school pals and activities friends and I only stayed at 1 of them, as the birthday boy's mum is my friend and I offered to help.
All the others afforded me a very nice couple of hours to spend with my other child.

We always did drop off for parties at home once children knew one another from preschool - no need for parents to stay with children used to being dropped off at preschool. That way childcare for siblings is irrelevant and no reason to bring a sibling.

11 children is too many at that age though - five is plenty. We pretty much never had anyone decline an invite under those circumstances.

Not having childcare is entirely possible - that's the problem with asking parents to stay.

At 4 could you not offer to look after the invited child and suggest she drops and runs so she can look after her younger one.

Although with 1 declining maybe her youngest would keep your youngest occupied.

What you need is a nice tight schedule where you keep activities short, have lots of them, and make sure children sit and listen, using their listening skills. As mentioned above a two year old can either sit on mum's lap or mum can join in with activities with two year old but mum needs to earn her keep if she is bringing other child.

Perfect response.

At four I don't understand why children can't just be dropped off at a party. I thought that these days most kids go to nursery or even school, they don't need to be mollycoddled.

When my DC were little, I expected parent's to stay at a 4 year old party so would also fully expect siblings to attend if childcare was an issue.

You”re more trusting than me and that’s ok. But I wouldn’t feel happy sending my 4 year old to a house party that when I don’t know the parents/house/family etc. No way!

If it were a friend I’ve known or we’ve been there before then maybe. Good friends then yes of course.

what I imagine might happen? Dirty houses, illegal dogs, abuse, neglect, they may not have the confidence to say if they feel unwell or are hurt or need the toilet. Lots could happen!!

Kids are also different and not all 4 year olds will feel confident going to new homes with different families and parenting etc.

If you never stayed then that’s your choice. If my child felt unsafe or I felt it wasn’t safe then I wouldn’t take them (unless I can stay).

FFS. 🤦‍♀️

school and nursery is mostly a safe and registered environment and some children need settling in sessions and a period of transition. It’s a bit different to being dropped at a random house with unknown adults/people where there could be something dodgy or unsafe.

I'm sure it will be fine, they will be too busy having fun to notice if it's a bit crowded. Only let the party kids sit at the table, if any of them do sit. Are you doing party games? Is there room for mums in the kitchen? It will be good to have a child for your younger one to play with.

Why are the parents coming to a four-year-old's birthday party? It used to be that invited child would be dropped off and picked up (with booty bag) two hours later. No childcare needed for other children (I wish people wouldn't use 'sibling' it plays straight into the trans agenda about not knowing a child's 'gender').
Were I hosting said party I would expect to say goodbye to parents at the the door. Why clutter up the place with extra adults who will need feeding and watering?

It's how we used to do it. Why is everyone so molly-coddled these days? A responsible parent (or 2 - expect both present) can look after a dozen children at a birthday party, surely?

I didn't do parties for 4 year olds. But tbh I had kids in school for a long while. Eldest started in 1995 and youngest left ( to go to college) in 2020.

I wasn't friends ( or even knew by sight ) with ANY of their school friends parents. Why would I want these random women in my house.? But my eldest 5th birthday no parents stayed and that was held in a garden

Suggest she brings his high chair, so that you don't have to turn one of DD's friends away, to accommodate him.

Yeah we never did 4yo drop parties but not the question so who cares!

I’d be totally honest @Watchespaintdry, I’d say glad X can come, but can I get back to you about sibling? I just need to check overall numbers, thanks!

Nothing wrong with that. It’s true, it’s reasonable and gives you scope to say yes later if you want. She might just decide to make another arrangement though. I’d try to get back to her quickly or give an indication of when I’d let her know.

If just let her bring her other kid. Like you said she will watch him not you and he can play with your younger one

"Omg I didn't even think that Joseph might want to come! I'm so sorry this party thing is all new to me. As we're doing it at home I can't have all the siblings - my bad. Is Mary still able to come? I'll update the invite now and send it to everyone - so so sorry"

I don't think not having enough space could ever be classed as mean, it's not like shes deliberately holding the party in a small place to exclude anyone

Were would you draw the line with siblings?

So in an already over full room she adds a highchair, I can't be the only one thinking thats a totally bonkers suggestion 😂

I hope she doesn't have to come on the bus

We held a sixth birthday party at a leisure centre last year (DC young in year so most of the kids were seven) and almost all the parents stayed. This is not an especially 'helicopter parent' school. Of the two kids that were left, both cried at different times and needed help going to the loo. At four, no chance

But how do you know they are responsible? That’s my point.

you know that you are - so if you’re the host then you can feel reassured you can keep people safe.

But as a parent of a shy child - I feel less comfortable dropping off to an unknown house where I don’t know who is there or what they are doing.

But that’s me and if that’s molly coddling then so be it.

'Thanks for the reply.
Just to clarify, the invite was just for [insert invited child's name], unfortunately we don't have space for siblings too. We hope [insert name of child] can still make it along, but we understand if she can't.'

Yeah we’ve done similar and had parents stay. Was so glad as I couldn’t have l taken them all to the toilet and there were a few with food allergies that I’d have been nervous about overseeing.

once they’re a bit older it does get easier.

I’m going to get so much hate for this but I think that’s reasonable for a soft play or trampoline type party: something that’s cost a lot of money. But for a party at someone’s house it just looks pretentious and rude.