RSVP to my 4 year old’s party told me they’re bringing 2yr old sibling

[Watchespaintdry]

We’re doing a 4th bday party at home for my daughter (money is tight hence at home), sent the invites out yesterday specifically addressed to the invited child and one of my friends has responded saying their daughter + 2yr old brother would love to come (she’s worded it to imply they don’t have childcare). So she’s telling me, not asking me, that the brother is coming too. I’ve been to parties before and always asked if if was ok to bring my 2.5yr old son too, due to lack of childcare, and these were soft play parties with no space issues, as it were. If they’d said no I couldn’t, I’d be totally cool and understand.

Thing is, I’m concerned about the space, and that this person will have 2 kids to watch. We’ve only got so much space around the dining table. She was the first to rsvp and now I’m worried other people are gonna bring siblings. I’ve got no problem with the brother, he’s cute and lovely and I love my friend and don’t want to upset her. I’ve invited 11 of my daughter’s friends (mixture of preschool and others) and confident they won’t all be able to come, given party statistics. Should I just suck it up and hope no one else brings siblings? This is the first party I’ve ever hosted.
My 2.5 yr old son will also be there (ofcourse).

Sorry but when you have birthday parties do you not invite your friends kids anyways and then your daughters friends of course lol ..when I've had parties for my girls they've had their friends but even my teenage daughters have had friends come ha,there's a big age gap between the first 2 and 2nd 2..this is bizarre to me to not have all ages there ..all the perfect Mumsnet Mums will be here saying no DO NOT allow this of course..its different if you're out in a part area paying alot of money a head but you're at home and she's your friend fgs

I think you need to relax and open your heart, the reply is... Great see you then.

Just send an updated email to all those invited adding, due to space, numbers attending security and safety, invitees only, unfortunately that includes all siblings. Sorry but safety comes first.

@Alliod40 No I didn’t and the op doesn’t have the space. If everyone brings siblings, what then? We never had an open house party.

Could you ask her to drop off the older one and leave as you don’t have space for extra kids but don’t want older one to miss out?

Whenever I send invites out I always always put that on them that unfortunately we cannot accommodate siblings. I've only once so far had someone say in return that they would need to bring a baby sibling with them and would that be ok. And for that party yes a babe in arms was completely fine and understandable. Loads of my friends have unfortunately had poor experiences of people turning up often with multiple uninvited siblings, older, younger, sometimes terribly behaved, sometimes asking for party bags, sitting down to try and eat kids meals in a soft play party that they were not invited to as the parent pretends not to notice and so on...so yeah, I always tell them straight. And so far haven't had any problems.

Tell her no. It’s for 4yr and you have 10 kids coming and have brought food for 10 plates /party bags

I would be saying no to 2yr and if it means your 4yr can’t come then not a problem and maybe she can come next year

My son had a party. One of his invited pals got dropped off complete with his sister in tow, who then took a place at the lunch table AND A PARTY BAG!! The mother nowhere to be seen!! Me then flapping with food and party bags and fucking seething.

Deal with it pronto or they will all start that crap!!

I always ask if I can bring my little one along and if its something like soft play would always offer to pay the extra entry so she can come along. So far ive never had an issue, but i would never assume and if the host said no then we would have to rethink what we would do then.

Correct, and the school is filled with trained staff with appropriate childcare ratios. And they did a two week settling in period where they went very limited time. And still my kid found it very hard (having come from full time nursery so I was surprised) and had many meltdowns for the first half term. I had a meeting with the teacher, she said it is normal. I felt bad but child did have to get used to it because school is essential. Parties are not essential. For my particular child, being dropped off at a strangers house is an absolute no, she just wouldn’t go in, she would be crying and upset. Parties are meant to be fun. If that’s “playing up” then fine, it has the desired effect and I don’t make her do things that upset her unless she has to (school, chores, swimming lessons, all these are considered essential). If that’s molly coddling to support my child in her feelings and her wishes then I’m ok with it.

You could reply saying you are really sorry but there just isn't space in home for siblings to join in and that you forgot to say so on the invitation. Hoping that Dilly can come anyway.

I'd just get rid of the dinning table to remove the issue of there not being enough seats, get creative with the seating or non-seating, and be super pleased that so many people would be there to join celebrating my DC's BD :)

I think you have to expect this to a certain extent. It would have been more polite for her to ask if she can bring the sibling, but would you really have said no? If you really don't want siblings you have to say at the outset but it might mean people can't come.
If parents have to stay, which at 4 they kind of do, you'll get the occasional sibling. It's not that big a deal. It would be so rude to turn round and tell her there's no space, if she's a good friend.

I don’t ageee with society’s assumption that ‘professionals’ are automatically better at settling children, looking after children, etc. Many don’t even have children, parents all have round the clock experience. It’s breeding distrust of parents which is not 99% of the time warranted.

My 4 year old is collected from school by her friends mum, taken to the park by her and her house for a play. She’s been dropped off at a pre-school party at someone’s house, zero issues. She would actually find it stifling to have me hovering about, she’s been brought up to trust herself, have confidence and independence to try new things in social situations. Children really lack resilience today due to their capabilities being under-estimated. I used to be trusted as a child to play outside with friends after school aged 6, and walk to the shops to spend pocket money at the weekend from 7. Will definitely be doing the same with mine, and so glad I wasn’t a child now- I’d feel suffocated!

As she’s your friend rather than a school mum you hardly know, she probably thinks that it’s no big deal. Do you know her situation and think the childcare issue is genuine?

Why do you need to say no siblings

the child same age is invited

the name on the invite is invited

Would she actually say no? Have you read the replies on here? Yes. People would absolutely tell her no and they're happy with her not coming at all if she has no child care.

Personally at our party I made sure to invite siblings we knew (so in class with older child, friends kids) and I think the unreasonable thing here is OP not inviting the 2 year old when she talks about how much she loves and values her friend.
But yeah, they're are genuinely people out there who's rather lose the friendship than squeeE in a preschh

Fairly mixed bag of replied here. Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and opinions. All were read and considered.
I think, on the balance of everything, I will welcome her son but use this experience as a lesson when arranging future parties

I’d just roll with it. It’ll be madness but kids parties always are 🤷🏽‍♀️.

Yeah remember a friend of my mums picking me up with her own kids from infant school. No one thought anything of it . Plenty of parents, aunties etc looked after kids without needing to be professionally train

Parents arent trained in childcare to look after their own kids

That’s lucky for you can you afford that or have space for that. How do you suggest parents pay for all of these siblings to come to parties? Say an entertainer can cater for 20 children, why should that be 10 friends and 10 siblings rather than 20 friends for the birthday child? Why should an invited child be short of a seat for food or a party bag due to an uninvited sibling? This has happened- my DH had to remind parents to remove uninvited siblings from our party room at soft play- several guests who were very close friends of my son couldn’t sit down! We were not impressed.

People have lost all sight of the friendship in question being those between the birthday child and their actual school friends who are in their own class. I’m an adult, it’s no reflection on my own friendship with any other parent, the invite is child to child. I’m mature enough to get that x child inviting x one of my children is between the children, absolutely nothing to do with my other child or my friendships within that family in a school context.

Why should the birthday child have a load of older and younger children who are not in their class turn up? Genuinely think back to when we were children- nobody did this. I’d have thought it was utterly bizarre if younger siblings who were friends with my younger brother turned up at one of my parties. Likewise none of mine turned up at his.

I would contact friends. Apologise that due to space no siblings have been invited. Of course you could soften it by saying if any of the invitees can't come you will contact her as that would free up space. Good luck.

I told people to bring along the siblings at my 3 year oldest party. I said of course bring along the rest of them. There were at least 2 families with 3children, One with 4. And of course I didn't let them starve. If your doing a party for this age group where a parent has to stay I would just totally expect,/not mind of they had to bring the siblings.

Could you not let her drop her dd off, parties at home are generally drop off as there isn’t generally room for an adult per child as well?

Two-year-olds take up hardly any space, to be fair.