I want him to have a vasectomy

[AtomicSugababe]

Been with my partner 15 years, 2 kids. I’m late 30s and he’s 3 years younger.

I’m pretty sure all my sexually active life that contraception has caused anxiety and depression issues. I also had PND with our youngest. I was so poorly last year mentally and I’m sure the coil contributed. I’ve had it over a year now and I feel myself again, no moods, no depression, just normal me. He says he doesn’t want any more kids, and I don’t. Currently not on any contraception, he won’t use condoms so each month I’m anxious as hell until my period comes.

Ive been nagging and nagging him to get the snip. He replies with it’s a life changing decision, it’s painful and in a sensitive area! It’s not like a haircut.

I’m that fucking pissed off with him I’ve taken the kids and gone to my mums. Told him I’ll be back if he books a GP appointment. If he doesn’t then he’s putting himself first. It’s him who wants sex I wouldn’t be arsed if I didn’t have it again most of the time!

AIBU?

It isn't even about what the future holds for me; I know I am done having kids. But I am sad that menopause will come and make me infertile. It's quite a psychological step. I don't know if it's about ageing or what but I just don't wish to be infertile even if I also don't wish to have more children. I wouldn't blame a man for not wanting to do it either. It's his body.

But his choices are vasectomy, condoms or no sex. He needs to decide and then shut up rather than trying to force OP to do something detrimental to her so that he can have everything.

You both sound bonkers, having unprotected sex in full knowledge that neither of you 1) are firing blanks and 2) want more children.

You talk about how contraception has affected your mental health. There's inevitably going to be an unplanned pregnancy at the rate you're going. How do you think you (not him!) having to make a decision around that will affect your mental health?

My personal opinion is it's rather selfish for a husband not to have a vasectomy once his family is done, especially if his wife has likely been on hormonal contraceptives for a number of years and the advice is to take them until she is 55. Contraceptives such as the pill are absolutely not without side effect or risk and men should be stepping up. Condoms are far less effective and men will often say they don't like them; they also disrupt the spontaneity of sex to some degree.
Why are so many men so afraid of this straightforward procedure?

I'd want to be as far away from this sex obsessed useless pig of man as I possibly could! It sounds from OP's update that he just makes her life a misery by demanding sex and sulking because she won't let him come inside her, despite his reluctance to use condoms. Perhaps after she's been away from him for a few days, she'll realise how much better her life is when she's not being dragged down by another useless manchild and call time on the relationship.

I'd want to be as far away from this sex obsessed useless pig of man as I possibly could! It sounds from OP's update that he just makes her life a misery by demanding sex and sulking because she won't let him come inside her, despite his reluctance to use condoms. Perhaps after she's been away from him for a few days, she'll realise how much better her life is when she's not being dragged down by another useless manchild and call time on the relationship.

I'd want to be as far away from this sex obsessed useless pig of man as I possibly could! It sounds from OP's update that he just makes her life a misery by demanding sex and sulking because she won't let him come inside her, despite his reluctance to use condoms. Perhaps after she's been away from him for a few days, she'll realise how much better her life is when she's not being dragged down by another useless manchild and call time on the relationship.

Jesus Christ! I'd want to be as far away from this sex obsessed, useless pig of man as I possibly could! It sounds from OP's update that he just makes her life a misery by demanding sex and sulking because she won't let him come inside her, despite his reluctance to use condoms. Perhaps after she's been away from him for a few days, she'll realise how much better her life is when she's not being dragged down by another useless manchild and call time on the relationship.

Jesus Christ! I'd want to be as far away from this sex obsessed, useless pig of man as I possibly could! It sounds from OP's update that he just makes her life a misery by demanding sex and sulking because she won't let him come inside her, despite his reluctance to use condoms. Perhaps after she's been away from him for a few days, she'll realise how much better her life is when she's not being dragged down by another useless manchild and call time on the relationship.

Jesus Christ! I'd want to be as far away from this sex obsessed, useless pig of man as I possibly could! It sounds from OP's update that he just makes her life a misery by demanding sex and sulking because she won't let him come inside her, despite his reluctance to use condoms. Perhaps after she's been away from him for a few days, she'll realise how much better her life is when she's not being dragged down by another useless manchild and call time on the relationship.

Jesus Christ! I'd want to be as far away from this sex obsessed, useless pig of man as I possibly could! It sounds from OP's update that he just makes her life a misery by demanding sex and sulking because she won't let him come inside her, despite his reluctance to use condoms. Perhaps after she's been away from him for a few days, she'll realise how much better her life is when she's not being dragged down by another useless manchild and call time on the relationship.

Totally agree OP should be far away from him. But still why has she taken the kids to her mums. Either she needs space in which case he needs to deal with the kids…. Possibly not ideal. Or he needs to leave. The solution emphatically should not be that OP and the kids leave the family home.

You can’t tell someone else what to do with their own body, but you can decide what you do with yours. If he doesn’t get the snip, there’s no more sex. End of.

Why are you still.having sex witjout a condom on?
Part of the issue is that you are allowing him to do just that.

You have tried every hormonal contraception under the sun, suffered with your mental health and all your husband wants is to 'cum inside you'!!!! WTAF??? It's glaringly obvious that you can't take hormonal contraception. He's watched you struggle, have depression and been sectioned, yet he won't use a condom or have a vasectomy. Doesn't he realise that once he's had the vasectomy, there's no need for contraception. It takes that pressure of you completely, no longer having to worry. You are going to have to stick to your guns - he uses condoms or books in for a vasectomy - there's no other options.

Condoms.
not fair for you to bully him into a vasectomy and not fair for him to not take responsibility

How did you think a joke like that was going to land here?

Pregnancy, Childbirth and recovery is much more painful. Has he looked into what the procedure is? It’s quick and simple. Just be careful to rest for a few days after to let the wound heal

No one can force anyone to get this type of surgery done

either go get yourself sorted, or start to track your cycle, there’s only a couple of days per month you can fall pregnant

Stick to your guns, but it he doesn't agree to condoms or the snip you have to be prepared to leave him for good.

He refuses to use condoms.

I think it’s unfair to force a vasectomy (I’ve had one - it’s not that bad), however it is very fair to say no sex without condoms.

Definitely this.

I understand that he doesn't want a vasectomy, so what does he suggest? This shouldn't be totally down to you to do something about it. He either wears a condom, eventually he will get used to it....If not, refuse sex. He is wanting to control the situation he has caused, so it's upto him to sort it out and grow up.

Just stick to your guns men are so selfish when they won’t wear a condom but then kick off when you’re pregnant as though they were not to blame. Just leave him to it he will probably get desperate enough to use condoms. He only has 2 options the snip or condoms. His choice.