For not wanting to spend another Christmas Day with his batshit family?

[MsCrowly]

When I first met DP’s family they seemed absolutely lovely, really really nice people. Charity work at the church, voluntary work at the local primary school, his dad cut the elderly neighbours grass throughout summer - I could go on but honestly they seemed like amazing people. So when Dp told me his mum had invited us around for Christmas dinner I happily accepted. On the run up to Christmas Day he told me his family were a bit wild at Christmas so be prepared but with what I knew about them I assumed he meant his dad had a few too many sherrys and tended to start singing Elvis or something!

No.

It was fucking awful. They were all drunk by time we got there at 12. His mother was ffing, blinding and cunting all over the place, his dad was watching world war 2 documentaries and screaming about how the kids of today would be too pussy to fight - when we first arrived his sister launched into a verbal attack saying it was just like him to turn up like a vulture when someone else was cooking 🫤 DP said we were invited so she screamed “so was fucking Judas”

over the course of the day his mother threw a glass of wine over his dads head, his sister continued picking arguments with everyone until she ultimately launched a tub of quality street across the room in rage, his dad started throwing up to which his mum got handfuls of it in kitchen roll and tried to smear it across his face - by the end of the day his mum was sat drunk in tears saying she wished she’d joined the army?!? His dad was passed out upstairs, his sister was sat furiously watching Grease screaming at everyone to stop talking and DP was drunk and going around squashing chocolates into the walls.

Couldn’t wait to get out - anyway he’s now asked if we can go this year considering how everyone enjoyed it so much last year, I was like “you joking? Everyone was arguing!!” and he got defensive saying it’s Christmas, people drink and get silly - all families do that. Mine don’t!!! A few drinks yeah but fighting and arguining? Nope

Thing is if I don’t go I’ll be alone Christmas Day - do I go or have a quiet (lonely?) one by myself? And AIBu to think this isn’t how normal families celebrate Christmas?

Sorry I realise now my post reads like I’m saying it actually is the Bear episode when all I mean what it’s like the episode. Not troll hunting honest.

Sounds like my Christmases growing up with an alcoholic mother. They were awful in the end, I stopped going and the whole family stopped doing Xmas with her because of it.

Don’t be drawn in either if they’re perfectly fine the rest of the year. The crazy always comes out at Christmas

"DP was drunk and going around squashing chocolates into the walls."

Lol why 🫣😅

In mumsnet land I would go again just to see if it was a one off for entertainment sake, but in real life I'd see it as a massive red flag and not be planning a family with this person, since he ended up joining in and sees nothing wrong with it?! Imagine taking a 2 and 4 year old round to witness that shitshow.... 😳

Go along - with your new hobby of documentary film making, this is going to be gold! You can give them a copy of your film for the next family birthday.

I don't think I would put myself through that again. I'd rather spend Christmas day alone, with some lovely foody treats. Or do you have any friends you could invite over? Or volunteer with a local charity that provides a Christmas meal?

They sound absolutely crackers. The perfect characters for a novel infact! Your DP sounds just as looney - squishing chocolates into the wall 🤣 it sounds hilarious reading it, but not so much if I had to deal with it.

What are they like day to day? It sounds really odd that theybare like that on chriatmas day.
A friend of mine put weed in the gravy one christmas when we were teens. She said it was because they were all mental and wanted to make them more chilled out. Not sure if it worked but its an option??

"DP was drunk and going around squashing chocolates into the walls."

It's not just his family who is batshit - so is DP. The apple has not fallen far from the tree, as the saying goes. And yet you seem to be overlooking this rather obvious fact.

@Pumpkinsonastring has posted three times on this thread - at 16.01, 16.27 and 16.36. Please @MsCrowly, scroll back and read those three posts, and then read them all again. I cannot describe your situation any better than she has done, nor point out the danger of staying in this relationship any more clearly. Seriously.

To be honest, I'm a little gobsmacked that you didn't ditch him last Boxing Day.

Don’t have kids with this man.

Well it sounds awful and I am with PPs who say don’t go this year and seriously consider whether to continue the relationship with DP.
However I have an extremely important question - did you get a decent Christmas dinner? I find it difficult to imagine you did with all this going on. If not, did they have all the food in and not cook it? Or what?

Ha ha I wouldn’t know - just the trailer made me wince! 😂

if they’re nice can you talk to them about it? Say you’d love to see them at Christmas again but found it a lot last time? Appreciate that would be a hard thing to do! They might be mortified to have made you feel uncomfortable.

otherwise if you can’t beat them join them! Take a nice bottle of champagne for yourself and get stuck in 🥂

100%.

I come from a “batshit” family and its caused all sorts of issues over the years with partners. There’s having odd traditions but this sounds like a nut house. The fact your partner thinks this is okay is worrying.

Bear in mind last year was your first Christmas with them so they were probably on their best behaviour 😂

Did you not discuss Christmas day with your DP on boxing day and beyond?
This is so weird.

OMG yes!!

I read the OP with growing mirth and by the time I got to the squashing chocolates into the walls, I laughed like a drain!! 😂 It's hilarious to read about but I'm so sorry for you OP, having to experience their behaviour first hand. Especially the Christmas themed missiles 😮😂

I assume this is a joke and it did make me lol.

But on the off chance that it’s real of course you shouldn’t send Christmas with these crazy people.

Other stuff that happened -

mother and father getting into a seriously heated argument about whether Cliff Richard was gay or not

DP getting sister in a headlock as she came out of the bathroom, her reacting by whacking him in the balls - mother complaining about them fighting near her new picture (as if it would be fine anywhere else)

father complaining that the sprouts were rock hard (they were) and mother grabbing a load and throwing them at him

The argument over Grease - apparently sister watches it every Christmas but nobody else wants to, this is a yearly argument apparently DP likes to watch Star Wars

An old man walking past the living room window and peering in - mother shouts “cunt” for no reason at all, sister jumps up to see who it was and knocks a drink flying, mother starts screaming about the carpet, sister starts screaming about the chocolate on the walls and how nobody cares about that. Another argument about the new picture … I could go on all day. I actually wrote it all down when I got home so I could tell my friends the details!

He never mentioned the chocolate, I asked why he did it and he laughed saying he couldn’t remember doing it.

No talk of marriage, nor will they be! And no children will come of it

😲 yeah hard no here, i get people might have a bit too much to drink but bloody hell that’s bonkers.

Surely this behaviour isnt solely saved for Xmas day only. Presumably they're like this at weddings and birthday parties etc as well? If this is standard for them and DP thought it was normal I'd probably not continue with the relationship. If you're going to stay with DP then you may as well brace yourself and get stuck in.

Id much rather be on my own!

This totally.
OP you don't just take on the person you take on their family as well, can you imagine the wedding (if it gets to that stage). Seriously you would have to elope.
This is a huge red flag, if your partner could see it and agreed it was unacceptable then that is a different story but to try and normalise such erratic and irrational behaviour is, in my opinion, a huge concern.

Why did you stay with him after all this, in particular the violence towards his sister?