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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kid left out of party - why?!

233 replies

Partypooper101 · 08/11/2025 21:54

DD9 is in a small very boy heavy class. A girl in the class who she considers a friend, not a bestie, but definitely a friend, is having a party and has invited all the girls in the class bar DD and one other girl. Before everyone comes for me, yes of course I know nobody is obligated to invite anyone to their party, and no there have 100% not been any fallouts etc. There’s definitely no issues between them, DD was surprised not to be invited and although she’s not said anything about it at school, at home she’s admitted to me she’s hurt at being left out and doesn’t understand “what she’s done wrong to be left out”. The parents of the girl whose party it is are known to be wealthy; it’s not a money issue of having to be strict on numbers, and it’s being held at their massive house so not a space issue either! DD has invited this girl to every party she’s ever had (& we’re definitely not wealthy! 😂)
I know I’m probably being pathetic but it stings. DD is lovely. I’m not saying that blindly either, she really is. Why’s she been left out?! ☹️

OP posts:
TwinkleTwinkleLittleBatgirl · 08/11/2025 21:56

Do you KNOW she’s been left out? How were invitations issued?

Original poster
Partypooper101 · 08/11/2025 21:57

The mum set up a WhatsApp group. So yeah, she’s definitely not been invited.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 08/11/2025 21:58

My guess in these circumstances is that it was a mistake/oversight/lost invitation.

Or the parents have given an arbitrary number for the DD to choose without really thinking it through and it's meant two girls not being invited.

PollyBell · 08/11/2025 21:59

We would have no idea why she is left out but seriously you need to work on this, you said yourself do one is entitled to an invitation so beleive that good grief

Bigtreeesss · 08/11/2025 21:59

She wasn’t the only one left out
Perhaps the parents only wanted to host x kids?

who cares just move on

MummaMummaMumma · 08/11/2025 22:01

Maybe the kids haven't actually fallen out, but your daughter has been mean to the party girl?

Senso · 08/11/2025 22:03

I never understand the thought process behind these sorts of situations unless there is a huge backstory of jealousy etc. I mean why would you go out of your way to exclude anyone if there’s no real reason?

OP, do you know why the other girl hasn’t been invited too?

Genevieva · 08/11/2025 22:03

Is she friends with the other girl? Can you arrange for the two of them to do something fun when the party is happening, so they can go into school and talk about what they did when everyone else is discussing the party?

Senso · 08/11/2025 22:04

How do you know about the WhatsApp group?

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 08/11/2025 22:05

I did this accidentally. We have mixed year group classes and I told dd she could have 4 girls over for a sleepover. I hadn’t realised there were only 5 in the year group (because of the mixed classes).

Martymcfly24 · 08/11/2025 22:05

Absolutely shitty on the mothers behalf. I totally understand why you are upset. Id love to say ye are better off without such a horrible person in her life but I can imagine how much it hurts.

Luxio · 08/11/2025 22:06

If it's a small class and boy heavy I have to wonder just how many children we're talking about here? If she's only invited a handful then leaving two out doesn't seem as unreasonable as inviting more than 10 and leaving out two?

holachicatita · 08/11/2025 22:07

Genevieva · 08/11/2025 22:03

Is she friends with the other girl? Can you arrange for the two of them to do something fun when the party is happening, so they can go into school and talk about what they did when everyone else is discussing the party?

This is a very good idea! Take the two girls to the cinema or they could have a sleepover just the two of them..

zazazaaarmm · 08/11/2025 22:09

PollyBell · 08/11/2025 21:59

We would have no idea why she is left out but seriously you need to work on this, you said yourself do one is entitled to an invitation so beleive that good grief

I think you may also need to work on some things. Such as your grammar if you want, as it would seem you do, to make scathing comments.

LocalHobo · 08/11/2025 22:11

Could it be that your DD and the other girl not invited will be going to a different senior school to the others and the birthday girls mum is future planning? There may be other girls, outside of the class, attending.
I agree with Genevieva
plan a fun activity for your DD and the other non-included girl- and maybe a few of the boys! Nasty behaviour...

Original poster
Partypooper101 · 08/11/2025 22:11

No 100% DD hasn’t been unkind to the party girl. If anything DD is on the receiving end of shitty behaviour from other less nice kids in the class because she’s too nice to tell them to piss off when needed. As mentioned, DD considers this girl a friend, tells me that while they’re not besties they do talk and spend time together with other kids at break times etc, she’s mystified why she hasn’t been invited and as mentioned is privately hurt by it.
In a class of very few girls, I would only not invite one of the girls if they were horrible to DD and that genuinely isn’t the case here, or if they’d had party after party and not invited her, but again we’ve always invited this girl to DD’s parties. so I’m wondering why leave her out? ☹️

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 08/11/2025 22:12

How would anyone here know why she’s one of the girls not invited?

Saz12 · 08/11/2025 22:12

Honestly, they're 9 years old. They haven't learned how to be friends yet - not in the way that adult friendships work anyway. They have wierd logic. .. Maybe leaving one girl out was too mean, so another really nice one was left out too, to make it less personal for the one that definitely wasn't invited. Who knows? All you can do is be sympathetic, and make plans for a great weekend when the party is

shutuporsaysomething · 08/11/2025 22:14

This happened to my DD, same age almost same circumstances. I was upset (actually really fucking irrationally angry) on her behalf. The party girls mum plastered it all over Facebook as well which pissed me off at the time. There isn’t anything you can do though apart from tell your DD she’s wonderful and these things happen to everyone at some time. The feelings pass and everyone moves on. My DD ended up being really close to the girl in question in sixth form.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/11/2025 22:14

Martymcfly24 · 08/11/2025 22:05

Absolutely shitty on the mothers behalf. I totally understand why you are upset. Id love to say ye are better off without such a horrible person in her life but I can imagine how much it hurts.

  1. Why only the mother not the father?
  2. how on earth do you know - maybe the ops dd has been unkind? We don’t know.
MolkosTeenageAngst · 08/11/2025 22:16

How small a group of girls is small? If there are only 5 or 6 other girls and she’s invited 3 or 4 and left out 2 I wouldn’t say that’s a big deal, she might just want a smaller gathering and inviting two-thirds isn’t unreasonable. If we’re talking 10+ girls then leaving out just two is obviously a bit more of a big deal as then it does feel like there is an overwhelming majority invited.

Endofyear · 08/11/2025 22:17

No-one here can tell you why your DD hasn't been invited OP. I would tell DD that it's not a nice feeling to be left out but it happens sometimes and we just have to roll with it. Maybe you could invite the other little girl to tea and take the girls out for a fun activity instead?

AsMyWhimsy · 08/11/2025 22:19

DS was in a very girl-heavy class in his second primary, 20 girls, 7 boys. Of the six other boys, DS only invited four to parties, because they were his friends. I don’t think he felt negatively towards the others, but they weren’t people he wanted to spend time with outside of school.

Original poster
Partypooper101 · 08/11/2025 22:20

9 girls in the class and 7 going to the party (including birthday girl)

OP posts:
Trampoline · 08/11/2025 22:22

Maybe the child chose the list? Maybe the host said a limit of X number could be invited? Wealth or house size is not necessarily relevant.
This happens, all the time. Often we never know the reasons why and it is harsh when you've hosted that child yourself. But this is so common - no point even trying to second guess, will only drive you mad. Nowt queerer than folk!