To stop being polite about this

[Elconejorojo]

I'm a Brit living abroad, been there many years and speak the local language fluently though with an accent. Am tall and blond, most people here are smaller and darker than me.

I'm absolutely fed up with shop assistants etc trying to speak English to me after I ask them a question perfectly in the local language. There is clearly no need to switch language- i appreciate they are excited to show off their English or want to offer good customer service or whatever, but increasingly it just feels like I'm being reminded that I'm foreign and need to get back in my box.

WIBU for telling them that their unnecessary attempts to speak English make me feel like an outsider? A few times, I've asked people if they are speaking to me in English because I look foreign, and that shuts them up, but my partner (a local) says that's rude.

Could you just say "do you mind if we speak in x language so I can keep my skills up." I know that's not the case but might achieve your goal. I imagine they're just trying to be considerate and wouldn't mind at all.

The belonging thing is such a thorny problem and as someone who has lived away from home half my adult life I really sympathise with that.

@Karmaisagod she did not brag about her "Aryan looks", enough with the stupid malicious misquoting.

To be honest if I lived in say, Japan, I don’t see why I would get annoyed at people speaking English to me even if I had perfect Japanese. It’s not like OP is trying to practice the language so feels speaking English is wasting opportunities, she can already speak the language fluently. I’ve not read from OP any ill intent from the natives of her adopted country, they just sound like a warm, open friendly bunch excited to try out their English. Unless I have interpreted it wrong and they speak English to her in a hostile, go away foreigner kind of way, which wouldn’t be acceptable.

A slight accent that marks OP out as foreign to people who have lived there their entire lives does not mean she has not learned the language well, it can be very difficult to eradicate an accent completely. Your post is very condescending.

The reality though is this what a lot of foreigners are facing in the U.K. too.
And when they grumble they are been othered, they get answers along the lines of ‘I was just interested/curious/making small talk’.

So yes in some ways what the OP is experiencing is the other side of the coin.
And yes in (part of) the uk, being openly othering isn’t acceptable.
But that’s what’s happening.
It doesn’t make the country where the OP is living any lesser than (which is another side of othering btw)

No, but it marks her out as a foreigner. Which is what she seems to be annoyed by.

Exactly this, you are very sensitive.

You big tall, blonde, you decided to live abroad, you probably learned the language somewhere and were painfully clumsy at the beginning yet people were patient with you but you feel “othered”??

May someone have mercy for your selfishness and stupidity because i don’t

Coming from a blonde with blue eyes who decided to live for 7y in China and for a non-French native French speaker who been asked so many times where in France I was from

I have had ppl watching me like an animal because I was the first Caucasian they had seen in the flesh, it was raw but I never got angry because I understood their shock and curiosity, I had people trying to practice their English with me to the point of harassing, I never got angry because everyone has to learn from someone and start somewhere, I have heard here in the UK so many people narrating me their holidays in France in places I ve never been and where I ll never go, I ll never get angry because they try to build a connection with me and be nice.

You should get off your high horse of entitlement and think you may have stayed too long where you are, you are not a local and you will never be. If you can t deal with that, go home. And treat locals with more respect. “Othered”, the imperialist joke of it …

Its about 50/50. Because they hear us talking in English they continue. If I am on my own they just converse in Danish.

Dh finds it hilarious I have found the humour in it now but I didnt use to

OP doesn’t say she has a “slight” accent that’s your inference, she may have strong one. I agree it’s difficult to eradicate an accent completely and far from patronising other people I am speaking from my own experience of languages. The languages I speak with more of accent, people are more likely to switch to English.

I am a brit living abroad, but not visibly different to other people here. I also speak the local language and am still responded to in English. It doesn't bother me at all and I find it friendly.

I have some English speaking friends who are bothered by it, and I think that is because they pride themselves on speaking the community language well (and particularly better than most other anglophone people here). So their pride is hurt when people respond in English because it doesn't recognise that they are a better type of anglophone person. As I say, I just take it as friendliness.

That's because it's unlikely that in England we would be able to reply in the other person's language!

I'm not sure what point you are trying to make here. I was just pointing out that I don't think it is nice to just dismiss OP as 'you look foreign and should be treated differently, deal with it ', and attempted to showcase that by highlighting how unacceptable it is or would be to say the same thing to obviously foreign people in the UK. I'm not sure where you got it from that this would mean the country OP is in is 'lesser than'..

In London “difference” (my first name for example) is the norm so not noticeable in the same way. So many people are from “somewhere else’ in London and it is the first and only place I have lived where my belonging (or not) has never been questioned. @Anxious2024

yes this. London is awesome like that! I’ve been living in London for decades and people sometimes still try to guess or ask where I’m originally from (due to my accent) but who cares, I don’t make this mean I don’t belong here.

So OP I’d look at your feelings. You can decide how you react to what happens and you don’t have to choose to feel ‘othered’.

I get this too, not so much in Spain but definitely in France. I have a degree in Fr/Sp. I find it frustrating but just carry on speaking in the native language.

I too am tall and blonde ( and gorgeous)
I too live in Spain.
After 33 years living here, I'm completely fluent.

The other day a 24 year old physiotherapist asked if I'd be more comfortable speaking in English. I just smiled and said no thanks, but appreciate the gesture.
It's generally coming from place of good intentions .I would never think to be rude about it.

Don't stop being polite. Just smile and keep speaking the local language. Eventually, they will run out of English and start speaking the local language too because it's easier for them.

Being rude won't fix your problem/change things and you will gain a reputation as 'that rude, foreign lady'. That will make things even worse in the shops. At least, currently, they think you're a tourist and are on their best behaviour.

As PPs have pointed out, your situation (looking very different from the locals) will never change and is a permanent feature of living where you do. If you are going to the same shops, they will get to know you and learn that you prefer to speak the local language.

Depending where in Spain, I would be surprised if that many people speak fluent English, obviously people do speak it fluently, but not a large amount of Spanish do, especially for more complex conversations beyond the basics.

I think the English have a reputation of being lazy at languages, which doesn’t help. Go to the furthest most corners of the earth and someone will have at least a few works of English but unlikely it’s the other way round.

I think you’re conflating two different things. This isn’t about racism.

its the fact that English is an international language. The people may not even assume the OP is English - just foreign. ( she could easily be German,polish, Dutch, Swedish etc)

As a PP said, English speakers forget that people who speak other languages are less used to hearing non native speakers. They are doing it out of courtesy.

I get it OP. I speak another language to a high level. I get this constantly. People will reply in broken English. It’s really bad for language learners as it makes you feel like you’re doing it wrong, but maybe say ‘Spanish is fine thanks’ or just keep speaking back in the language.

You feel 'other' because you are 'other'. That's not a bad thing. I'm an immigrant too, and I know I will never be the same as those who have been in the same country all their lives.

People like to try and use language. They are making a friendly overture or polite accomodation and you are misinterpreting their intentions. I mean, they aren't wrong, you do speak English.

See it as a friendly thing and move forward.

" I'm quite clearly foreign" this is true.

"It makes me feel like a fool and an idiot" this is clearly your own mindset which must make you miserable but only you can change that.

Completely irrelevant but take a wee look at this chap, it's joyous to see the reactions (not your experience, I know), he too "looks different"

Embrace yourself @Elconejorojo, your daughter is watching 🌻

As an American who has lived in France (where I'm fluent and, like you, did just fine at work) and the UK (semi-fluent 😂), I'm really struggling to understand why this bothers you so much, OP. I can't really understand the choice to let this affect you so negatively.

Other people do what they do for a variety of reasons. Some will just be friendly and interested, some will want to practice their English, some will make assumptions, some will be trying to 'put you in your place'. You can't control any of that, but you can control your reactions and how it makes you feel. In your shoes, I'd just smile and reply in the local language. Some people will make the switch, some won't, or at least, that's what I found in France. So what?

Plus, it's worth remembering that not every interaction would go perfectly to your liking in your native country. That's just life.

Exactly
Which indicates to me the op is in a very tourist centric area

I’m also somewhere foreign now. Had this today. Just told them in their language “i don’t understand, what are you saying.” They switched back to the foreign language

I get it. Very annoying. When it's happened to me, I'd politely but firmly said 'No, XXX language is fine' and then continued in the local language and ignored English.