To stop being polite about this

[Elconejorojo]

I'm a Brit living abroad, been there many years and speak the local language fluently though with an accent. Am tall and blond, most people here are smaller and darker than me.

I'm absolutely fed up with shop assistants etc trying to speak English to me after I ask them a question perfectly in the local language. There is clearly no need to switch language- i appreciate they are excited to show off their English or want to offer good customer service or whatever, but increasingly it just feels like I'm being reminded that I'm foreign and need to get back in my box.

WIBU for telling them that their unnecessary attempts to speak English make me feel like an outsider? A few times, I've asked people if they are speaking to me in English because I look foreign, and that shuts them up, but my partner (a local) says that's rude.

No, this person, who has spent her entire adult life living outside her own country, some in other English speaking countries, some not, thinks you absolutely need to get over it. You are foreign in the eyes of random shop assistants, because you are.

I think you can turn it around in a positive way e.g. “Oh that’s kind of you but I’m actually fluent so no problem continuing in French/Japanese/etc”

Unless it's relevant, people should not be asking. It's rude.

Perhaps when they speak to you in English say "I don't understand" in their language. Or even just say nothing and look confused. That will slightly embarrass them and possibly make them think twice about doing it again, without saying anything offensive.

The thing is anything you do/say will only apply to that one person at that time- you'll have to do it anew any time you interact with anyone, which I appreciate must get tiring.

its part of the package of bring a foreigner in anew land.

i have a similar issue, but don’t let it bother me. I am physically different from the usual population and I speak the language reasonably fluently, but clearly with an accent. I fairly often have people reply to me in English. I just ignore it and persist in speaking their language. They can reply to me in English but i continue in their language. It can become a mild social experiment! I find it interesting to see how long they persist and don’t take offence.

It may be nothing to to with what people think/assume about you, just people wanting to use/practise their English. Just accept it and get on with your life - or switch to internet shopping.

Are you always so uptight.

Jeez, it’s a compliment that they want to go it!!

FWIW I used to find this slightly frustrating at times when my French was better than their English, but ultimately I just took it for what it was - a show of kindness

They love to speak English. They are just doing it because they can and they enjoy the opportunity. I'd just carry on replying in their language, not yours.

I think it's a bit presumptuous to start talking to a stranger in the language of the country you THINK they're from without any indication from them.

If they're conversing fluently with you in the language of the place you're both living in, and you decide to respond to them in X language because that where you think they're from, I think you run the risk that they may think you're debasing their language skills and feel they need a translation.

Occasionally I meet people in the UK who come from the country I lived in as a child (they tend to retain a strong accent however fluent their English may be). Depending on the relationship, dynamic and how well we're getting on, I might ask which part of X they come from, and relate that I lived in X as a youngster. I wouldn't just start chattering away to people I don't know in X language without so much as a by your leave or giving any context.

I grew up in Denmark lived there until I was 20. When I go back to Denmark if a shop assistant hears me spewking English with dh or the childre wven if I direct them in Danish thats accent free. They try to steer the conversation to English.

I have not worked oht hoe to deal with it bar at times I say (in Danish) we can continue this in Danish. Doesnt always work.

Or, straight to the point, "If I wanted to speak English, I'd still be living in the UK."

If you tell them you're Danish, do they still carry on speaking to you in English??

OP, I'm sorry to say you sound arrogant, and like you have a chip on your shoulder. Perhaps your Spanish (as that seems to be the assumption) isn't as good as you think it is, especially your pronunciation. Perhaps the locals want to practice their English - you're in THEIR country, so you could be kind and let them, instead of moaning about feeling "othered" while in the same breath stereotyping the entire nation and bragging about your superior aryan looks. Tall and blonde versus short and dark - you sound straight out of an Enid Blyton novel! You do know there are plenty of tall blonde Spaniards, don't you? Especially if you're in Catalonia, which was not influenced by the Arab conquest.

I suggest you educate yourself a little, beyond polishing your language skills like some trophy. And talking of language skills, if you're living in Catalonia and want to be treated like a local, make the effort to learn some Catalan. That they will appreciate.

This comes with kindness but firmness from someone who has spent 40 years living in a different country, and genuinely understands what it is to embrace being a foreigner with humility and respect for the country where she has made her home.

You say they're trying to show off their English, so are you not trying to show off your grasp of their language, too? Perhaps your accuracy isn't as good as you think it is.

Sometimes you might know the technical aspects of the language but fall short on slang and local dialect, it sticks out like a sore thumb, and they probably think they're making life easier for you.

I really don't know why it bothers you.

You're the one who thinks my looks are 'aryan' - I just explained how I looked different to the majority, in neither positive nor negative terms.

If your life genuinely is full with speaking in the language to colleagues and friends - then it is a littler odd that the odd retail exchange so upsets you

Agreed. The only times I’ve ever been upset about being treated like a foreigner in three decades of living away was when there was an unpleasant assumption or stereotype at play.

Yes, sorry OP, but that's how you come across. Either that, or you are desperate to be something you are very obviously not. Or, they don't agree with your assessment of your fluency. Or, you are prone to being constantly offended or annoyed by people.
Maybe you are assuming some of them are natives based on how they look??

Maybe you’re not as good as you think you are at the local language.

Yes you're probably right. I obviously have a noticeable accent so I imagine there are other problems too 🤐

I just tend to assume thay everyone is an equal member of the community unless they tell me otherwise.

Come again?

what on earth are you on about?

So someone not fluent wouldn’t be “equal member of the community” to…. You? Simply because they’re not fluent?

Yes

I suspect the op must have very few interactions at work or with local friends for this to be such a big deal for her

Didn't say anything about language skills. I said anyone who I meet in the local community is a member of the local community. It's nothing more complex than that.