To stop being polite about this

[Elconejorojo]

I'm a Brit living abroad, been there many years and speak the local language fluently though with an accent. Am tall and blond, most people here are smaller and darker than me.

I'm absolutely fed up with shop assistants etc trying to speak English to me after I ask them a question perfectly in the local language. There is clearly no need to switch language- i appreciate they are excited to show off their English or want to offer good customer service or whatever, but increasingly it just feels like I'm being reminded that I'm foreign and need to get back in my box.

WIBU for telling them that their unnecessary attempts to speak English make me feel like an outsider? A few times, I've asked people if they are speaking to me in English because I look foreign, and that shuts them up, but my partner (a local) says that's rude.

Maybe let them speak English to you but keep replying in the local language?

I would agree with this

You could just ask them if it's ok to converse in the native language rather than getting offended?

It doesn’t sound like the locals are trying to put you “back in your box” I think you might be taking it too personally. Just carry on speaking the local language if that is your preference

I’m not sure what your issue is. You’re obviously foreign. You speak with a foreign accent, you look foreign. People treat you as if you’re foreign, and imagine they’re doing you a favour. They aren’t, but they aren’t to know that.

No i don't think they're trying to either - i said that in the OP. But the consequence is the same, can't spend a day in my local city without being reminded several times that I don't belong there.

I could definitely just ignore their English but it does feel awkward!

Is it wise though to judge people on the way they look? What would you consider looks foreignand therefore needing special treatment in the UK? Might you treat someone differently because of their colouring, like I am treated here?

Welcome to living in another country. I lived in the UK for 20 years. I’m a native English speaker. I was still reminded of my foreignness on a daily basis. Live with it. It’s only a problem if the assumptions about you are unpleasant/offensive stereotypes.

I understand. In England we just accept that people speak English of varying levels and don’t make too much fuss about it but I also notice the issue you talk about, and annoyingly, when they make a big fuss and find it amusing when you speak/try to speak their language. It makes you self conscious and can put you off persevering!

See my subsequent post. I’ve spent more than 30 years living in countries not my native one. It’s just part and parcel of living somewhere where you’re a foreigner.

Maybe just learn to be comfortable with reality? Why would you expect to feel as if you are a native in a place you aren't? That's what it is to live in a foreign place.

I know im not native, but I'd appreciate if people didn't feel the need to point it out. Surely I should be able to buy a teeshirt or whatever without having to explain my origins.

But they aren't wrong.

Most of the world is ok with making educated guesses on things like this, places like the UK that think it's rude are outliers. They aren't saying you are awful.

In most countries, including the UK, you’re not considered fluent if you don’t speak in one of the local accents. It’s why second and third gen British citizens from East Africa still call themselves Indian or Pakistani instead of English because it was white people who told their parents that. In some countries people of another race are never accepted as local (Scotland, Japan, India, China) and it’s only their kids or grandkids who finally get accepted.

The idea that you can speak a language imperfectly and still expect to be treated like a local is a grace white people only apply to other white people.

They're probably just practicing their English. I'd go with the suggestion upthread that you continue to use the local language even if they reply in English.

You don't have to explain anything, people will just think you are unfriendly if you don't. ANd probably a bit weird, why would someone not want to say where they were from, is how most will understand it. People are interested which in most places is considered polite and socially positive.

Some people are not cut out for living abroad. They just don't like it much. Maybe that's you?

I can understand the frustration when you are trying to fit in, but you are massively overthinking their intentions and ultimately it's part of the culture of this country to speak to foreigners in their language/English so you probably need to get used to it.

I have a similar experience in the UK with Brits using me to practice their French. It's annoying, I often respond in English because it comes to me more naturally. But I recognise their intentions are good and meant to make me feel more comfortable.

I wont deny their intentions are good, or at worst they're just mildly nosy. I suppose it's just a question of what's more important, their intention or my reaction. Will try to let it wash over me.

I remember my Italian teacher (London-based, fluent English speaker) saying it got frustrating sometimes that people always asked about her accent & where she was from.

I think you ABU OP.....don't take it so personally. I have lived nearly 8 years now in a Latin / Spanish speaking country - and I am quite ashamed to admit that I am far from fluent. I do try/am trying ! Good for you if you are fluent...
But most people in my community (who are SO eager to please and very sweet generally) are very tolerant of my burbling but any chance they can speak English to me they will. For them they are practising their hospitality or whatever skills, and also want ME to feel proud of them for trying. Which I am ! I am so so very obviously foreign there's no getting away from it. I have been coaching all the cabs I take (many !) to say 'bye bye' and they love it ! ❤️

I had this - fluent in the language of the country in which I lived. People often wanted to practice their English

I used to say ( in the local language) that as we are in this country, let's speak this country's language. Of course, if you come to visit me in my country, then we can speak English together!

Very few people did speak English at all though, so this wasn't constant like it seems to be for OP.

It's not about colouring. I am small and dark, and get the same. The moment people pick up a hint of an accent they switch to English. Their English is a lot worse than my local language is.

It could be worse OP. I'm a Scot living in France and pretty much every French person I meet assumes I'm English😱😂What I don't get is how some of them know English is my native language before I even open my mouth.

Oh yes... and you have to wait while they try to say a whole sentence in English, knowing how much easier it would be in the local language!

If you don’t want to feel like you’re not a native then you need to stay in your native country. I did a fair bit of travelling in my early twenties and got very used to being noticeably different. There’s no use being offended, it’s just reality. You chose to emigrate, you are not being made unwelcome. Unless people are being rude, I think you need to get over it and, ideally, learn to embrace it. I’ll never forget in a restaurant in India two adorable children very politely asked me if they could practice their English on me, we had a lovely chat. And someone in Vietnam approached me in a restaurant and asked me to proof read their essay for them. You can’t stop people noticing you are different, you can only control how you react to it.