To stop being polite about this

[Elconejorojo]

I'm a Brit living abroad, been there many years and speak the local language fluently though with an accent. Am tall and blond, most people here are smaller and darker than me.

I'm absolutely fed up with shop assistants etc trying to speak English to me after I ask them a question perfectly in the local language. There is clearly no need to switch language- i appreciate they are excited to show off their English or want to offer good customer service or whatever, but increasingly it just feels like I'm being reminded that I'm foreign and need to get back in my box.

WIBU for telling them that their unnecessary attempts to speak English make me feel like an outsider? A few times, I've asked people if they are speaking to me in English because I look foreign, and that shuts them up, but my partner (a local) says that's rude.

That must take a whole new level of patience to put up with that! At least when people guess im English they're not wrong.

I wonder if they do know we're anglophone, or just guessing.

I get it OP. Happens all the time, went to the pharmacist recently, spoke in local language explained issue in detail. Got a reply back in English. Next stop was to buy food and I used wrong word for an obscure item. Guy on the counter was horrible and laughed at me, even got a colleague over to tell him all about my ridiculous error. Can't win.

Sorry to hear it, that sounds shitty 😕 the counter guy really shouldn't be let loose on the public if that's his attitude!

I worked in a hotel in Switzerland when I was doing a degree in French and German and I barely spoke a word of either the whole time I was there - everyone in the hotel spoke English and there was only relatively simple conversation with shop assistants or waiters when i wentbout on my days off. Everyone wanted to practise their English and were impatient with any attempts at their language. I made zero progress.

It sounds like it isn’t being done maliciously. People are taking an interest in your culture. You sound rude and arrogant.

I once saw an interview with Peter Ustinov where he said that nations have faces. So there is a French face, an English face, etc. Not just their genetics, but the way people hold and use their face.

He also said that when he was speaking another language with his English face, he sounded like an Englishman speaking French or Russian or whatever. But if he put on a "French face" as an actor, his accent in French became like a local accent.

I don't know to what extent that was true but he was quite fluently multi-lingual and I suppose knew what he sounded like, so I wouldn't dismiss it entirely.

It's tricky because many people around the world tend to learn some English, but don't assume everyone will know their own language.

It would be quite rare in England for most people to outright switch to the language of a person they perceived to be 'foreign', because the vast majority would only know how to communicate in English in the first place, and expect to be spoken to in it.

I'm blonde and live in a Med country, speak the language fairly well and always use it. Locals, nine times out of ten reply to me in English. I don't think they're showing off, they just don't expect me to speak their language so have automatically switched to English before they reply (if that makes sense?)

It doesn't help that the language here is very difficult to learn and most immigrants don't bother to try.

You ARE an outsider.

You need to get over yourself, frankly.

Just politely say 'I'd rather speak (insert language)' and crack on.

You are being ridiculously sensitive.

I'm English but have lived in Scotland 47 years. I still speak with a distinct English accent, albeit I incorporate a lot of Scottish words and expressions into my speech.
There is hardly a day goes by without someone asking me where I come from. Or trying to guess which part of England I come from.
And I know that for most people it's being friendly and being interested. But the effect on me has been to make me feel as though I don't really totally belong and will always be an incomer. So I can empathise with OP.

Perhaps that's your answer: buy a T-shirt and have it printed to say, "Despite appearances I speak fluent Portugese [or whatever] so please don't talk to me in English!"

She really doesn’t.

The UK is one of the most diverse countries on earth, so we are used to Brits coming in all sizes, shapes and colours. In many countries you will ALWAYS be viewed as a tourist, even if you live there for the rest of your life.

I understand how you feel OP. As to what you do about it, I am not sure, other than answer in the local language.

I am half English, half something else and did most of my growing up in a third country. In the third country people would sometimes speak English to us but we would answer in the local language.

What hurts more is when I go to my Mum’s country and am referred to as a foreigner despite being half from there. People generally speak to me in the local language, but it’s clear that they have noticed my accent.

In the end our feeling of discomfort is about wanting to belong IMO.

People are always excited to practise a language with someone who speaks it, especially ‘friendly’ ones.

A number of my African friends cannot count on the fingers the number of times white people who have travelled to southern, eastern, etc parts of Africa have tried to speak to them in swahili just because they’re African, even though the only words they know as from The Lion King. It’s not done with malice.

Interestingly OP, do you notice that they give you preferential treatment too? e.g let you jump queues, etc?

This is exactly how I feel, but you have described it much more eloquently. Sorry that it's tough for you as well 😔

I get what you are saying because I had a German friend who hated anyone referring to her country of origin even in what seemed to me harmless or positive ways (eg, suggesting when she needed more work that she might offer her specialism in German). She said it was a way of pointing out her foreign-ness. People didn't mean to offend, but it's true that they were always aware that she had a different first language and grew up in another country - they never forgot that because her excellent English had an obvious accent even after decades living here.
I don't think you can blame shop assistants etc for speaking to you in English, they are possibly trained to do this. You might explain to close friends how it feels.

I get the same in Spain. It’s annoying as I want to practice, but I think it’s because they’re not used to Brigs speaking their language.

I am blonde and usually mistaken as German eg in the Med area - but maybe the Ustinov comment is right in that I have a German face -I do look quite stern.
But maybe now that so many speak good English they speak English to you cos you don’t look local but could be Dutch, German but they all speak good English nowadays.

A friend of mine lived for many years in Italy and France. He always spoke to people in Italian or French and spoke both languages to a similar standard.

When in Italy, he was always answered in Italian. When in France, he was always answered in English!

At least they are speaking the "right" language to you, OP. When I was younger I had a summer job three consecutive years in an area of Italy where German tourists predominate. I would go down to the market and ask for stuff in my reasonably OK Italian only to get a reply in German......and that pissed me off to the point at which for the third year I had a t- shirt printed which said in Italian "I am NOT a German!"
I am really interested in languages and when I am on holiday abroad, although it is convenient to be able to speak English and be understood in most places, part of me is extremely frustrated at not being able to use as much of the local language as I would like because they always reply in English.
I live in France these days and the level of English of 98% of the population is so rubbish that no one EVER tries to speak it to me here.

Maybe a bit oversensitive to say "I don't belong there"? I am sure that is not what they are wanting to convey ... maybe they do it as a courtesy to you ....

I have lived in a couple of countries where I was always going to be visibly foreign, but spoke the local language reasonably fluently.

It does get irritating sometimes if people take one look at you, panic, and start stumbling through some very basic English phrases, but I would generally just say something along the lines of "it's OK, I speak Chinese/Japanese". If they genuinely wanted to practise their English (and I wasn't trying to do anything crucial or in a hurry) I would be patient for a while.

It was far more irritating for French, German, Italian etc friends who also got people trying to speak to them in English, which they didn't necessarily speak as fluently as the local languages.

I’m an immigrant. You will always be an immigrant in my experience. I just think that’s something you just have to accept when you live in another country. People try and be kind and welcoming and sometimes that can make you feel the opposite somehow. But the alternative is worse isn’t it? That you aren’t welcomed in and people don’t try to make you feel comfortable.

I feel like there’s more going on, if this is making you feel like you don’t belong. I doubt residents are going out of their way to make you feel like an outsider. Actually if they wanted you to feel like an outsider, there would be far better ways than speaking to you in English!
It sounds like you’ve got a bit of a chip on your shoulder about it, and I don’t know what you do about that, because it’s likely you’ll always speak the language with an accent. You’re always going to look less like a local. I think you need to accept those things, and find other ways to feel like you’re being embraced by the city - as you’ve been there several years and have a local partner and are fluent, it sounds as if you have been!