To not be bothered with friends or people?

[NovemberChill]

I don’t know if I’m getting miserable but I’m just not bothered by having friends as much anymore. I have 1 good friend who I see maybe once a month or so if that for a couple of hours, but other than that I don’t really have anyone. To be honest it sounds awful but if I have something to share about whatever or ask for an opinion I’d rather ask my partner, dad, or chat GPT!! I’ve found when I have had friends and opened up in the end we either fall out or they let me down - and I just can’t be bothered with it. I’m happy doing things on my own.
also I think the age of sharing on social media is coming to an end slowly, don’t you? All the gen Z’s I worked with hardly ever posted updates on Facebook etc.

Well you’re on Mumsnet, so you’re in the right place if you don’t like people.

I feel the same.

Gen Z don’t post on Facebook because FB is for their parents age group - they are all posting on Instagram.

As for having friends - if you don’t want them that’s entirely up to you.

However (and I don’t know how old you are) but what happens if you eventually outlive your Dad or your partner are you prepared to be entirely alone?

Rah, so you’d rather chat to ChatGPT than people? Society’s finished.

If it works for you op. My friend has her husband only. Thats not healthy either.. I have a few friends but it does take efforts.

Yeh the chatGPT thing is odd to me but then I’ve never used it. What did you used to enjoy doing with friends? Maybe you think friendships when you’re older are the same as younger but they’re not they develop and mature, I don’t speak to my friends constantly but knowing I have people who are there for me brings me a sense of fulfilment.

Indeed!
Personally I think friendships are one of the great joys of life.
This makes me weird and " needy' on MN.
ChatGPT🤑

If you imagine the perfect friend for you, do you want to meet her? Would you put in the effort? If no, then I agree you just don't want friends and that's your choice, so long as you are prepared that you could end up totally alone at some stage. If you do actually want good friends, then keep trying!

If multiple friends have let you down I suggest it's either your actions (when you say you 'open up' do you mean you overshare/burden them with your whole life story?) or you have just been unlucky with friends. If the latter then I think it's a bit like dating - you just have to keep at it if you want to find good ones. I've found the most like-minded people through hobbies I enjoy. Is that an option?

Some of my closest friends ghosted me when I got cancer so I’m inclined to agree with you.

Even since I was a toddler, I’ve always preferred my own company. I’m married with two children who force me to be sociable but I’m quite happy when I’m on my own. Cannot stand parties etc 😂

I’m like this. I enjoy meeting new people and chatting on a superficial level but I don’t feel the need to be ‘close’ with others, I don’t need their opinions or particularly want to be involved in their lives or share mine with them. I have my family and DH for that. I also don’t enjoy the sense of obligation and effort that comes with friendships either, I can’t be arsed.

Nah, insta is old too, it's more millennials. Gen Z are on Snapchat/Tiktok. So in a way OP is right in that they post less things that stay on their sm permanently - 95% of what they post goes within 24hrs - but imo they also post far more, about the most inane nothingness than any other generation. I (millennial) thought the endless insta food dumps were boring but that's high art compared with the crap all the Gen Z's I know are constantly posting.

Clearly been living under a rock as I've no idea what chat dpd is

That's awful @Berlinlover . I hope you are doing ok now.

I only have a very few close friends who I see several times a year. We share similar interests so when we meet up we do things to do with them. I like my own company so am never lonely and wouldn't want to meet up more often.

I would change my thinking. Sure, you feel like you don’t need people. But maybe put a lower expectation on what you expect people to do for you. I have a very small circle and a few close friends, but I’d say the few reasons I treasure them and appreciate them is because we understand eachother, they give me grace and I give them grace; I don’t expect them to be perfect or to show up 24/7, but when they do I appreciate it; but I also understand that life happens and we have ups and downs - so whilst I have higher expectations for my family (immediate) to show up and be there all of the time, I expect my friends to be supportive but we are not in each others lives all the time.

Well, I’ll bite - I think it’s straightforwardly sad to have only two people in your life. Depends what you count as friendship - I know 8 of my neighbours and like them all, I know a little about them and can chat happily, also if they need anything I am happy to do things for them and vice versa. I’m aware that I have known people with significant disabilities for whom a neighbour does enough for them that they can otherwise live independently. I do call them neighbours rather than friends but the difference isn’t huge. Maybe you know people like that?

Chat dpd tells you where they left your parcel

I’ve been ghosted by my friend of 27 years recently, I was devastated and then furious. I can’t imagine having that level of friendship with anybody else, I also don’t know if I have the time or energy for that sort of friendship anyway.
I am friends with three old work colleagues though, we meet maybe every other month for a Chinese. I enjoy this a lot and would miss it if we lost contact.

A lot of pro Chat GPT posts popping up today. Interesting.

For me personally, when I have felt similarly it’s been because my mental health has been particularly poor. But if you otherwise feel generally content then there’s no real issue with preferring your own company/ a very small circle.

The fact you’ve turned to ai to chat to makes me think you probably do want more human connection than you currently have in your life though

Ai is not your friend

Well I love my friends. I have a group of friends from school, group from college, group from an old job, group from current job and mum friends. I chat with my neighbours, we help each other out.

I think it is important to have these connections. I don’t think chat gpt can substitute. Although i also love chat gpt for when I have a worry stuck in my head. Nothing really substitutes having a laugh with a friend.

What absolute fuckers ♥️

Its good to have friends and it is also good to spend time alone. Do what you think is best. I have enjoyed both, friends or no friends offers soemthing good for us.

I was ghosted by my friend of forty years when my mother died. Almost put me off having friends for life. I've had others who have let me down, although not quite as spectacularly as that, and some who have been real pains in the arse as well.

On the other hand, partners can also be very unreliable and can break your heart. And parents die.

Basically, no relationship is guaranteed forever.

I think the trick is to be involved with things in your community so that you are living a "well-peopled life" and as for close friends, choose those realllllllllly carefully.

I understand completely the urge to write people off. I'm 51 and have experienced what sometimes seems like more than my fair share of disappointments in people, but you learn from other people, and socialising is good for you. Try to resist the urge! You don't have to be super-close if you don't want to be, but having a network is beneficial in many ways. I say that as an introvert.