To not be bothered with friends or people?

[NovemberChill]

I don’t know if I’m getting miserable but I’m just not bothered by having friends as much anymore. I have 1 good friend who I see maybe once a month or so if that for a couple of hours, but other than that I don’t really have anyone. To be honest it sounds awful but if I have something to share about whatever or ask for an opinion I’d rather ask my partner, dad, or chat GPT!! I’ve found when I have had friends and opened up in the end we either fall out or they let me down - and I just can’t be bothered with it. I’m happy doing things on my own.
also I think the age of sharing on social media is coming to an end slowly, don’t you? All the gen Z’s I worked with hardly ever posted updates on Facebook etc.

@Enigma54 I’m so sorry. What is with people, honestly! xx

Society is very insular at the moment. Working from home, local pubs in decline, protests everywhere creating division.

🎉🎉🎉 Welcome to the club 😂
And you’re right actually, it is more about being an introvert than being unsociable. I don’t dislike people, I just don’t have much confidence to be around them and so any encounter is mentally exhausting, before, during and after!

A lot of sad stories on here. What I will say is, while I’m lucky to have a handful of super-close friends (a few since I’ve known since childhood) and see them very regularly, as I get older I am FAR less bothered with socialising with my more extended circle. I used to host much more, suggest meeting for drinks etc and I just seem to have lost energy for it.

I don’t know why she went like this with me. I was discussing it with my mum and we decided that ex friend just didn’t have the emotional maturity to deal with my illness. I never asked anything of her, yet each time she asked me how I was, (having heard the truth from me) the response would be “ oh dear, x and I are off to Iceland, I’ve had a bonus at work, x and I are off to Devon to see Suzannah and her partner.. blah blah blah. No compassion, no empathy, no
understanding. We grew up together and I’m going through hell right now.

Colleagues who I thought were friends have behaved the same. I’ve been off work many months due to chemo and cancer pain. I understand people are busy, but surely a “ hey how are you doing” takes no time?

Yes, people can be strange beings! X

Honestly l had 6 friends who l thought were always going to be there known them for 30 plus years , but when my partner had life changing brain injury this year l realised they weren't actually my friends. People who l would have considered casual friends actually stepped up more. So yes l can get why you not bothered.

I think our capacity and openness to friendships varies throughout our lives.

I don’t really have any friends, and I’m happy with that at the moment. I just don’t have the time or mental capacity to cope with more people.
I have a husband, children, and deal with people at work all day, and I’m spent.
I only realised this during Covid - I worked from home full-time for several months and realised I was more able to communicate socially with people. I figure it’s because I wasn’t dealing with people at work all day.

So for now, I’m happy without the added pressures of friendships. When I’m older, the kids have left home etc, maybe I’ll feel differently.

I’m totally happy to be considered insufferable by anyone who finds people in general insufferable 🤷‍♀️

I was raised by a dyed-in-the-wool misanthrope and life is too short to spend any more of my time trying to please unpleasable people who live in a state of perpetual insult and contempt.

ETA: it’s different if you’re in a quieter stage of life, or you’re generally happy with your own company and have low social needs, or you’ve been let down by particular people in a particular circumstance.

But the OP is basically saying she always falls out with people or they let her down, and when this is a general trend for someone I don’t want to sign up to be the next person to be fallen out with or found disappointing, son steer very clear. I don’t need the drama.

I’m totally happy to be considered insufferable by anyone who finds people in general insufferable

I've never said I find people in general insufferable.

You might not want to discuss things with friends that you ask chat gtp though.

Pretty much. Mum was like this.

So often it was just us. Not hanging out with anybody at weekends. I only wanted her own family around and her own children.

We were loan us through childhood.Had a knock on effect into the rest of my adult life.Because I wasn't used to relating with people.

What bothers me about these types of threads?And I do know people like this in real life that they seem absolutely proud to be like this.

It's nothing to be proud of and when you're on your death bed or dying.Maybe you'd wish you made a few more friends because no one will be there to visit you.

Partners can let you down and leave you aswell, just like friends can.

I love my own company so much that I have to fight my want to spend time alone to give my friends some time. Not everyone enjoys the weird, exhausting behaviour of social butterflying.

YANBU. I had acquaintances way back in school, but one by one they all turned on me and stabbed me in the back a few times, so I've been put off trying to make friends. If someone reaches out to me and they're of a similar personality to me, then we'll click, but that's half the battle. The other half of the battle is those people staying loyal.

FWIW I'm a huge introvert and I get my energy from solitude or being with my husband (my best and only friend). I can tolerate my in-laws in small doses, but they do get quite irritating after a while.

You're not in the wrong for having no friends and preferring peace and quiet over chaos.

On MN there are always only two options:
Seeing no one ever.
Chaos, drama and wild parties.

In real life, most people find a balance.

Yes, there is clearly an agenda in some of these threads like this to assert your superiority in not needing anyone.

And sometimes that’s a trauma thing, which I do have sympathy for.

And to be fair there are plenty of introversion threads that are more about just liking a quiet life, and those don’t have this undercurrent of grievance and grandiosity. I’ve got no problem with anyone who’s just happy pottering at home.

It’s when the issue is framed as being people in general and their terrible deficiencies that I’m reminded of my relatives who could start a fight in an empty room and take mortal offence at literally nothing.

I only have my DH, my sister, a couple of close friend I see once or twice a year, and a couple of colleagues I am friendly with. It used to bother me that I didn’t make friends easily but now I’m happy with my small circle!

I don’t hate people. In general, I feel a lot of sympathy for them and am happy to help good people whenever I can. But I can’t imagine anything worse than having loads of people in my life and having to constantly go to birthdays and weddings. It would be nice to have a couple of good, close friends who I could chat books with, but other than that I can’t be bothered (beyond passing the time of day).

Books, art, dogs and nature bring me far more joy than people do.

Yes, exactly.Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce.

If you are not a particularly sociable person or are drained by social contact and only like it sparingly, that's fine. That's who you are. We're not not all the same.

It's down to personality.But what I don't understand is the proud public declarations of how little you like interacting with other people. What do you gain from this. It's the utter pride of telling people how little you like.Other people's company will just fuck off then there's no need for your proud declarations.I don't really care if you want to enter with people or not.

I lost my best friend husband so nothing is for ever.

I have a different set of beliefs around friends, that more (within limits) is probably better, as not everyone can be present and supportive at any one time, that it's fine to have different types of friends, like close ones, fun group and so on, and that being social takes practice and if you go out of the loop for too long, even talking in everyday settings becomes quite difficult.

I don't think it matters if others are more introverted and prefer a quieter life with just a few people around them, but I think it can have pitfalls as you age. All the evidence is that lack of social connections is associated with poorer health and even earlier death, That said, if you are part of a close family, I don't see why that's inherently worse than having a group of friends if it keeps you socially connected.

A few friends is positive. I def found people very flaky after covid. Quick to cancel plans etc. I def dont want new friendships because of this..

It's up to you

but it must be suffocating for your partner to know they are your only contact, that and your dad, and that you have no life. What do you even talk about? Do you really go on holiday all by yourself, or just with your dad?

Again, when it's only you, it's up to you completely and it doesn't matter.

As long as you don't have children, that's when it becomes a necessity to have a big circles of people, for them, friends or just people you are friendly with, but kids need a social life.

I love having people to go out with, to do sport with, to do hobbies with, to go away with. I can't imagine my life without friends, and I would question my relationship with DH if he had no friends, no life. But that's just me.

Exactly. So many people seem to rely on their immediate family to meet all their needs, without thinking about the day when their kids grow up and move out, or their relationship ends (as many will).

I adore my family and my DH but I'm under no illusions - they won't be around forever and relying on them completely would be utter madness in the long-run.

The issue is that you're only a death or divorce (or both) away from being very alone. Both my parents are dead, I have no siblings and my DH, who I was very emotionally reliant on, left very painfully and abruptly was kicked out when I discovered secret serial cheating. I'm really grateful I and the DC had a circle of friends, some close, some people to say hello to and chat to. It doesn't necessarily have to BFFs either, just friendly faces.