To not be bothered with friends or people?

[NovemberChill]

I don’t know if I’m getting miserable but I’m just not bothered by having friends as much anymore. I have 1 good friend who I see maybe once a month or so if that for a couple of hours, but other than that I don’t really have anyone. To be honest it sounds awful but if I have something to share about whatever or ask for an opinion I’d rather ask my partner, dad, or chat GPT!! I’ve found when I have had friends and opened up in the end we either fall out or they let me down - and I just can’t be bothered with it. I’m happy doing things on my own.
also I think the age of sharing on social media is coming to an end slowly, don’t you? All the gen Z’s I worked with hardly ever posted updates on Facebook etc.

I was involved with the cancer community for five years because of my parents' battles with the disease, and sadly, it's not uncommon. I heard many such stories.

I completely agree, though. Complete and utter fuckers. As if avoiding someone who has it will make sure they don't catch the cooties. 🤬

I give anyone a wide berth who consistently finds falls out with people or says they ‘let them down’.

Such people generally expect the world to revolve around them and don’t really get that friends are people in their own right rather than objects to be used in one way or another.

I’m relieved when they decide not to bother with friends rather than persisting in trying to force other people to meet their bonkers expectations.

God - you sound insufferable 😂

Not a personal attack, just an observation ...

Are you ND?

I'm AuDHD so the autistic side of me is VERY happy in my own company! I enjoy doing things by myself so I don't have to use any extra energy masking or decoding what a friend is saying.

If it wasn't for my ADHD side (spontaneous and loves people, super chatty) then I doubt I'd see any reason to have friends, but I'm lucky to have a few really lovely friendships and find huge value in them.

I think it's about finding your kind of people - those that have common interests, the same sense of humour and similar values, there's something so fulfilling about those friendships. Anyone that likes my weird self is a good egg 😂

I agree OP. My oldest friend essentially dropped me when i was diagnosed with cancer. I’m incurable and she currently has no idea if I’m even alive!

That's diabolical. I'm so sorry.

Why?

Is it because they don't know what to say or do?

I can't understand at all. If you were my friend, I'd be doing everything I could for you and making the most of precious time together.

I’m with you to a point because I am very happy in my own company.
However I do post on mn a lot at the moment which tells me I do actually need more human interaction. It does serve a slightly different purpose for me though, I don’t update my friends on what I’ve been cleaning or cooking or buying for Christmas but I quite enjoy those threads on here!

When my mum died I realised how much I texted her with silly little updates and information. I was also very lucky to realise how amazing my friends were. I have 7 close long term friends who live far away and 3 close local friends. I don’t need loads of friends, but I do really value the ones I have.

I like my own company too, so I get that but I think it’s interesting that friends in the past have let you down, or you fall out with them. I personally think it’s wise to widen your network a little as your dad and partner might not always be there. One PP asked about the “perfect friend” but I wonder if your expectations are a little high.

I don't have any friends either. I'm autistic and find being with people exhausting. I worry about what I've said to people and go over conversations afterwards in my head.

I get on with people at work but am happy with just my DH and our pets at home.

I have had groups of friends in the past but have always been on the edge of the group. I've also been deliberately excluded and left out a few times so maybe people don't really like me.

Those cancer stories are dreadful.

Maybe I am lucky as I invest a lot in friendships but get a lot out of them too.

I agree in ending toxic friendships. But I think it is important to keep your mind open to meeting good people in life.

There does seem to be increasingly an embracing of misanthropy and ‘I like animals more than people’ etc.

When I look at my parents’ generation, in their 80s. I find that the ones doing best, are not the ones who had close relationships with their partner or children, but the ones who have a social life or friends to call on the phone. It does seem to keep them young, being able to communicate with their peers and sharing common interests.

I don’t think it’s particularly wise to go through life with the intention of having no friends other than your partner, but many others on Mumsnet seem to disagree and embrace a solitary existence.

I think I know what @VoltaireMittyDream is saying though. I know someone who falls out with people over the smallest of things. I’ve known her for 15 years and in that time she has completely stopped contact with at least 8 different people over things that when she tells me about them I’m just like “what? Is that really worth even arguing over let alone completely stopping contact?”. These people are her closest friends and family (I’m a work colleague) and it must be exhausting to be close to her because you’d constantly be worrying about saying the wrong thing or doing something minor that means you’re cut off forever.

Introverts united!

I'm very much like this and at peace with it. I can get on with people, I find that people want to be my friend and so on but I have a job that brings me into a lot of contact with people (remotely!) and that's quite enough for me. I love a good internet forum for connection and I adore my partner who is very similar. I'm autistic though, for context.

I have seen some people who collect 'friends' purely as a way to have people do things for them. Someone tried this with me recently and it didn't take long to descend into requests (I do several creative hobby, so it all around could I make this and that for them etc.). I have no time for all that.

For all the people who feel sad for those like me, honestly don't! We just have a different way of being in the world. I'm quite happy and won't be facing some terrible friendless fate where I am left for hours on the kitchen floor elderly and cold because I'm a practical sort. I'll get a robot or one of those call bells or whatever is around by then 😂

I understand and to be honest I don't really confide in anyone. Lots of colleagues and extended family and school parents I will chat to, even socialise with a couple of times a year, but never really open up.

The issue is that when your Ddad passes, you will only have your partner left. Sorry if that is blunt but it has happened to me much earlier than expected and its left a huge void.

Children leave. So may partners.

I have some lovely friends. I am also happy with my own company (well, and my pets). I think as in most things, a balance is good. And on no planet is Chat gbt a friend. I genuinely worry about people who use it that way..

I'm pretty happy with my DH and dcs for company too. I spend long amounts of time on my own or just with dcs as a sahm and I've never related to those who say it's lonely or they need adult conversation, or those who go to work just for the social side. Even if dcs grew up and moved away and DH left or died I'd be fine getting on with things on my own. I find it an inconvenience to maintain contact with friends, a mental burden to negotiate the social requirements, and I don't gain much from it as I am independent enough to do things on my own and sort my own problems out.

I’m increasingly picky about who I spend time with. But at 59, am thinking ahead and how
maybe one day I won’t have DH for (lovely) company, and how friendships
might be more important. I watched my parents become more isolated, and it’s not healthy for our brains. I maintain a small number of what I consider important friendships, even if sometimes I feel like being antisocial. I feel it makes me personally a better person.

I do a lot of things on my own. I travel in countries like India, Turkey and the Far East entirely on my own ( no tours). I go to the theatre, restaurants and the cinema on my own. But I still value my friends.

Having a few good friends is not about not being independent.

Yanbu. After years of abuse off my mental in laws (they would all fall out constantly for no reason, three of them were diagonsed bi polar so you can imagine how fun that is.) it really put me off people. I have one friend, the rest of the time I socialise at charity meet ups. I dont like people getting to close to me incase of conflict. But im quite happy in my own company!

Why does she sound insufferable? It's a valid lived experience, that can definitely happen with some people. Why are you so insufferably arrogant?

This is me.

We might actually work as friends as we have the same view points. If either of us could be arsed 😉.

My tolerance for people and their opinions has waned with age, as such I tend not to bother.

Chaptgpt is like looking in a mirror

It's summarises everything you say back to it and agrees with you.

No wonder you like it better than people. Other people would actually have differences of opinion.

If you don't like people so be it, it's your life.

It's just concerning.You'd rather to speak to an ai programme that just summarises everything you say. Maybe you don't like anyone who thinks in a different way to you or has differences of opinion..

Similarly to other people (I’m so sorry to hear about the lady with cancer, sending my love) when I was poorly last year - I had a breakdown following my sisters sudden death and ended up sectioned for the entire summer - my best friend of 20 years dumped me. Said I was a bad mother, couldn’t believe how I acted etc, and completely deserted me. I maybe was those things at the time, as I was poorly. Now I’m much better I just think the only friend I want to invest in is the one mentioned, who was there for me through it all, who sat with me in a&e - and most importantly never once judged me. I do have ex work colleagues who I can pop for a cuppa or go out for tea with, neighbours or school mums who I’ll chat to, even my hairdresser or nail lady but in terms of a friendship I’ve just got my one friend and I’m not sure at 37 I can be bothered with the drama and hurt I’ve had with friends through my 20s and 30s.
i just think if I’m asking about I don’t know an opinion on a dress or a wall colour or something DP said - I’d rather bother chat GPT than a human as you get an immediate response and they don’t judge!

@MrsApplepants I totally agree!