AIBU to wonder if my parents will regret downsizing now?

[DownsizingNow]

Personally I think no but I’m curious to know what others think after a discussion with some relatives who said that they think that they will.

They’re in their mid 60s and currently in a 3 bedroom detached home with a medium size garden. It’s a new build home but it’s getting to the stage where it’s starting to need maintenance and repairs and some has been done and more will need to be done in future. They’re finding it too much trouble, even trying to get workmen in can be a headache. The stairs are going to become a real issue soon due to injury and they aren’t keen gardeners but the garden takes a lot of maintenance and is going to need the paving changed soon.

So they’ve decided to move to a new build ground floor 2 bedroom flat. They want to futureproof and don’t intend to move again and it’s literally 5 minutes walk from a large supermarket, restaurants, cafes, hairdressers, Doctors and a health centre. There are 4 buses to take them the 20 minutes into the nearest city and a train station 2 minutes away that can have them there in 5 minutes. They’ll only be a few miles away from their current home.

Obviously there’ll be cons of living in flats but overall I think that it’s a good move for them.

I’m curious to know if anyone will think that they’ll regret it and if anyone’s parents have downsized and how they feel about it.

TIA

2 bathrooms, too, en suite 4 piece and a large, family bathroom.

I think it very much depends on the individuals. My parents are late 60's early 70's and they are in no way ready to slow down. Not massive gardeners but it's not too much work for them yet plus they need the space for hosting the wider family. Our neighbours are 70's and enjoy spending all day every day in their garden. However, I know other retired couples who prefer travel and eating out so may find a downsize suits them better. 60's is still quite early for downsizing but eventually it will pay off and if it means they get to make use of the money now then why not. I do think a lot of people stay in houses they can't manage. Mainly through lack of suitable alternatives really.

They missed out a lot on the chaos of breakfasts and bath times, which I think they felt a lot.
👀

🤣
I thought the same, although didn’t dare say it

Better to move while they can still make choices. So many older people really resist this and have an unhappy final decade or so in a house that stops them enjoying life, and that causes them and their adult kids a lot of worry and trouble. I'm planning to make this move at 70 in the hope it makes that phase much easier and will mitigate health problems.

People massively overlook two bedroom terraces with a downstairs bathroom which effectively are a bungalow when you’re only using the front room as a bedroom the middle room is a dining room and the kitchen and the bathroom you could almost seal off the upstairs bit

Thanks everyone. It’s reassuring to hear so many positive stories and helpful to hear the negatives too so that we can try to mitigate them.

A bungalow would have been their first choice but almost all of the bungalows here are very large with large gardens and that would defeat the purpose when they really want a low maintenance home. It’s unfortunate that smaller bungalows with courtyard style gardens are so rare here. At least in my area.

A friend well over 80 now stayed in her tiny W. London house. She got a Stannah stairlift installed, which currently works well. (Though she does have a downstairs loo.)

As I'm 66 and have downsized to teeny house, I'm now wondering if I could get a stairlift up the narrow stairs if I wanted one... Hmmm.

This is such a good idea @DownsizingNow
I would definitely prefer to do this once the kids are all properly fledged - a two bed so if one really needed to of course they could move back for a bit, but no need to keep a four bed and being close to facilities is invaluable!

My parents hang on to a five bedroom two hundred year old house with enormous garden which is now properly falling down around them - they have fairly hefty professional pensions and quite a decent income but can't afford to get everything fixed and spend the GDP of a small country on heating it to the very warm temperature they like because they're not mobile and the heating is ancient and the house badly insulated.

There's no shop or doctor's surgery they can get to without help and they have far less independence than they would in a more sensible location, and although they have a stair lift nothing is accessible and everything is a struggle - my dad is essentially stuck in one room until someone can help him because he can't use a wheelchair in the house due to narrow doorways.

We tried to help them move to a fully renovated one level wheelchair friendly bungalow which serendipitously came on the market only five minutes walk from their house when my dad's health seriously deteriorated and he lost the ability to drive and became disabled, but although they said they were impressed with the bungalow they never seriously considered it.

My parents claim to need room for hosting, but the people who visit either live too close by to ever need hosting, or prefer to stay in a hotel so as not to put my parents out, and big get together meals which involve lots of people have long since been redirected to restaurants. They haven't really hosted in twenty years.

Not sure we could cope with a terrace from a noise point of view. Our large flat is on the top floor and we can’t hear anything from neighbours.

Can I come and stay for a couple of days? I’m a good guest!

The neighbours in the part of the build that’s already open can be seen regularly talking to each other and have greeted us when we visit so hopefully they’ll make friends soon . They have a dog too which may help. There’s also a church next door which hosts a lot of different events and that may be beneficial too.

As others have said I’m glad that they are making the decision now while they still have full autonomy and before circumstances force them to do so. It takes a weight off my mind and makes it less stressful for them.

🤣
I'm sure you’re a delightful guest.

My gran downsized and regretted not being able to have family staying over. But not the downsizing as such. She did it when it was absolutely necessary though.

My parents refused to downsize because they want family to stay over. They still want the garden/space etc…
Their compromise is to have a gardener abd they bring people in when needed.
From my point of view, theres no way they can look after the garden on their own BUT it’s giving them the opportunity to still move (because they feel they ought to iyswim) which is good. It’s keeping them active, more than if they were in a 2 beds flat. (Same with cleaning, going up the stairs etc etc btw)

If only we could predict our future. If I knew my health would be ok, I'd stay where I am. We're in a road of 3-bed semis, and when I looked out of my window earlier, I saw one neighbour in his 90s raking up leaves in the garden, and the 93-year-old neighbour on the other side had just hung out her swimming costume to dry... 😀

I used to have a visceral reaction to service charges, we’re planning on downsizing in the next few years. But then DH pointed out we spend on maintenance (or rather should do, we’re like @DownsizingNow’s parents) and it seems like a no brainer.

You can’t guarantee your neighbours no matter what
We lived in an enormous barn conversion when the children were younger that was relatively soundproof but the neighbours slashed our tyres because they didn’t feel we swept up the leaves sufficiently and the children made a noise in the garden

I'm 55. My mum asks "when are you coming home" but I haven't referred to my parents' as home since I moved into my own place (as distinct from student accommodation then a rented room in a houseshare at the beginning of my working life) at 22.

My eldest has his own flat for a year now and refers to his place as home, although he's only an hour away and comes to us most weekends because he still has local friends etc - he says "I'll be at yours for dinner on Friday if that's ok with you, and stay til Saturday evening, then I'll get back home because I've got football on Sunday" or similar. Nothing wrong with that IMO, it seems right to me.

I definitely find the idea of adults saying "home" is where their parents live rather than the home they share with their own children a bit uncomfortable!

It sounds a great move and good for them for thinking of their future.

When they were in their mid 60s and newly retired, my parents moved from a 4 bed semi (our family home that they'd been in for 30+ years) to a 3 bed ground floor flat in a very similar location to what you describe (excellent public transport links, lots of local amenities). I was nervous that they'd regret it. But over 10 years on they haven't. Friends of theirs are still in their big houses and now wanting to move but finding it overwhelming to organise in their mid-late 70s. So overall I think my parents made the right decision to move when they had the mental and physical capacity to do so.

Dogs and churches are brilliant for getting established in a new community.

My GP did this and spent half the year abroad. They had a great retirement.
If more people were realistic and planned like this then maybe there would be less delayed hospital discharges of those elderly living in unmanageable and unsafe properties they refuse to leave.

Yes still have 1 adult dc with us some of the time and want to be able to host family and dgc

have elderly dps as well

Mine would have regretted it as they’ve had a lot of family members staying with them over the years in various circumstances! The 4 bed detached they have is fine for them to manage in their 70s and they have room to have the DGC

Depends on your parents, their state of health and their lifestyle really. DH and I are early/mid 60s and right now this kind of arrangement would be hell for us. We actually downsized from an expensive area of the country a couple of years ago but have ended up living in a larger house with a bigger garden! We are both very active, DH particularly, so he is constantly repairing, maintaining, gardening, improving etc around the house and garden. We also both take part in sports and volunteering and we love to have people come and visit so need all the extra bedrooms and bathrooms on occasion. Our children also don’t live close by so need to stay over when they visit.

Unless something happens to change our health dramatically, we would not envisage the kind of move your parents are thinking about for another 10 years probably. There’s obviously a tricky tipping point between when you can contemplate and have the energy to make such a move versus becoming too frail or immobile to contemplate such an upheaval but at your parents age it sounds like they would just be hastening themselves into an early old age.