AIBU to wonder if my parents will regret downsizing now?

[DownsizingNow]

Personally I think no but I’m curious to know what others think after a discussion with some relatives who said that they think that they will.

They’re in their mid 60s and currently in a 3 bedroom detached home with a medium size garden. It’s a new build home but it’s getting to the stage where it’s starting to need maintenance and repairs and some has been done and more will need to be done in future. They’re finding it too much trouble, even trying to get workmen in can be a headache. The stairs are going to become a real issue soon due to injury and they aren’t keen gardeners but the garden takes a lot of maintenance and is going to need the paving changed soon.

So they’ve decided to move to a new build ground floor 2 bedroom flat. They want to futureproof and don’t intend to move again and it’s literally 5 minutes walk from a large supermarket, restaurants, cafes, hairdressers, Doctors and a health centre. There are 4 buses to take them the 20 minutes into the nearest city and a train station 2 minutes away that can have them there in 5 minutes. They’ll only be a few miles away from their current home.

Obviously there’ll be cons of living in flats but overall I think that it’s a good move for them.

I’m curious to know if anyone will think that they’ll regret it and if anyone’s parents have downsized and how they feel about it.

TIA

I would always want a spare bedroom for the DC to come home with children in tow if necessary

Time will tell, but I think I'd eventually want something a little smaller for just two people with conveniences, too. My parents, at 70, moved 6 hours from the closest relative and built (so very much chose this, it wasn't like they fell in love with a house!) a house bigger than the one they'd lived in before (5 bed, 5 bath) starting a brand new life in an area where they know absolutely no one. They have no friends. No pets. They are estranged from all their children, and they have never maintained a relationship with much other family, so no one is going to be interested in visiting, especially at that distance. They just couldn't break the mentality of living big, I guess.

Sounds perfect. Hope they will be very happy in their new home.

I work in social care and I always recommend that older people downsize before they need to. Best to settle into their new home and neighbourhood before one of them is bereaved.

You only need to look at the elderly parents threads to see how many women are left to clear out a lifetime of possessions from their late parents' big family houses.

Downsize, downsize, downsize.

That does sound really lovely. I wanted to downsize to a modern apartment but am worried about service charges and unexpected costs.

I’ll probably go for a small (2 bed) bungalow instead as my last home purchase.

You should downsize whilst you still have the mental and physical capacity to complete the move.
Dh’s nan didn’t downsize until her house hit too much. It was very stressful for her trying to downsize when she was so old and frail.
IMO they won’t regret it.

Hi, my fit and healthy in-laws moved from a relatively spacious 4 to 5 bedroom house to a small 2 1/2 bedroom bungalow about five years ago. They’ve updated it but it is still very much like an open plan studio flat with a corridor & a few bedrooms off it. They have 4 sons all with wives and at least one child none of whom live nearby so it does make visiting them a struggle. If one family has decided they’re staying overnight, then no one else has a chance.

I think they regretted it because in the other house 2 to 3 families could have all stayed over and my mother would’ve loved to have a big family Christmas. She’s very much fit and healthy. But in essence, there’s not enough space and we all live opposite ends of the country.

If this wouldn’t be a problem at all, then it would be a wonderful idea and I’m sure that my in-laws very much like the house and how much easier it is. But it does limit the amount of guests you can have stay over. Hope this helped.

My parents did this in their very late 60s and have no regrets. A 2 bed ground floor flat in a great location. There’s a corner shop right outside plus a supermarket 10 mins walk away, some restaurants, a pub and a train station. They have no plans to move again (now in their 80s) and everything will be easy to sort when they have passed as they sorted everything when they moved. My in laws should do something similar but won’t and it will be a nightmare sorting out their estate and belongings in the future as their (large) house is full of stuff. My parents do have people stay over but there is also a hotel within walking distance if required and we’re only an hour away so don’t need to stay over.

And the costs incurred in being left a large property (until it can get sold) can be a shock.

My parents downsized in their early 60s to a lovely location which was very far away from all of us - we used to be able to visit a lot, but as life goes on and everyone has got busier, and their public transport has deteriorated, they've been feeling increasingly remote l, with it becoming more difficult for them to do the things they wanted. 15 years later they've just this summer moved much nearer, to retirement flats in a location that sounds very similar to the OP's parents, and they are loving it. They're out every day and seem to have a whole new lease of life.

Well my in laws (70 and 78) have just moved into a 6 bed, £2mil house with 2.5 acres, so …. Yes, I think the flat sounds like a good idea.

For work, I see so many older people who have a 3 or 4 bedroom house crumbling around them whilst they live basically in one room, so I was really encouraging of them moving before it felt too late.

They have a guest suite at their flats which is £15 a night and plentiful accommodation nearby for visitors, and tbh at their age they don't particularly want us staying for days on end!

My parents downsized from the family home to a bungalow in their early 60s. They have no regrets as it’s much cheaper to run and less maintenance so will be easier as they get older. Also, my mum was saying that she couldn’t have managed all the garden etc in the old house without my dad but if she was to outlive him, she could manage the bungalow. I think it’s a really sensible decision as waiting until you need to do it can often be too difficult for people who are elderly or frail. My grandma is still in a large four bed detached alone now for this reason. Mum also made a really good point that she wants time whilst she and dad are both alive and healthy to make positive memories in their new home. Having seen them do it, I’m planning to do the same once my children have left home.

Ground floor flat with upstairs neighbours and unable to sleep with the windows open would be thr big downsides for me

My MIL downsized to a flat when FIL died and she’s had no regrets (she was 67). She feels safe there and it’s very centrally located so she can get what she needs without a car.

No longer using stairs will cause their mobility to decline further. Physios don't recommend bungalows.

Yes that’s what we are thinking plus 2 bathrooms

I lived in a new build 2 bed flat years ago. Loads of older people had downsized to them from houses and seemed very happy tbh.

After losing a parent younger and a decline in the other parents mobility in their 70s. I think it’s sensible to want to future proof because age can hit very quickly and harshly.

I downsized from a four bed detached villa to a three bed semi bungalow. It was the best thing I ever did. I wanted to have some outdoor space hence a bungalow not a flat. I never hear my adjoining neighbours. I now have mobility issues related to a chronic illness, so being on one level is great. My neighbours are my age or older and friendly. I turned one bedroom into a dining room but have a spare room for visitors. If your parents are happy, then good for them

I would never opt to live in a flat. You are at the mercy of your neighbours and their noises.

My parents downsized from a large 5 bedroom house within a large plot in a town centre to a new scheme on the opposite end of town. Their bungalow was in cul-de-sac that had prototype houses for the rest of the scheme - ie, one of each of the different houses, so a very mixed cul-de-sac.

The bungalow was three bed - master en suite and two small bedrooms (so we could stay). It was very much a design of the 80s. It met their needs perfectly.

What was a real benefit for them was being in a small cul-de-sac with the full spectrum of generations. It meant that when my mum needed help, the neighbours were there (to phone my SIL or the police ;) ). You can't underestimate the value of good neighbours.

We are in our 60s and rattling around in a 5-bed house. We love the location (town centre with plentiful public transport). We have a little retirement complex at the end of our road. The prices of a 1/2 bed there are the same as our big hoose, when you factor in stamp duty and moving costs. There is no incentive for us to downsize, especially as we have five children to welcome back whenever they snap their fingers.

PILs moved to a bunglaow. Loved it and wished they'd done it years ago. It meant they could remain at home mostly independently until their care needs meant they were in nursing homes.

Lots of things to do in Perth. We went to this restaurant for lunch recently and it was buzzing. Most people were in their 70s - we felt quite young!

FIL downsized from a 4 bed house with large garden, that needed constant maintenance and not within walking distance of anything, to a small 2 bed house in a village in walking distance to shops etc. He has never regretted it. He enjoys popping out for a coffee, paper etc.
It doesn’t matter that he can’t host large gatherings anymore as we do that now, which he prefers actually!

Once your children have their own homes, they don't "go home" to you, they "visit their parents". (Unless they are 1970s Australians travelling to the UK...)

I think it's a great idea.

I have noticed that a lot of people are absolutely obsessed with gardens though and can't really understand why anyone could be happy without one. I really really don't care about having a garden.