AIBU to wonder if my parents will regret downsizing now?

[DownsizingNow]

Personally I think no but I’m curious to know what others think after a discussion with some relatives who said that they think that they will.

They’re in their mid 60s and currently in a 3 bedroom detached home with a medium size garden. It’s a new build home but it’s getting to the stage where it’s starting to need maintenance and repairs and some has been done and more will need to be done in future. They’re finding it too much trouble, even trying to get workmen in can be a headache. The stairs are going to become a real issue soon due to injury and they aren’t keen gardeners but the garden takes a lot of maintenance and is going to need the paving changed soon.

So they’ve decided to move to a new build ground floor 2 bedroom flat. They want to futureproof and don’t intend to move again and it’s literally 5 minutes walk from a large supermarket, restaurants, cafes, hairdressers, Doctors and a health centre. There are 4 buses to take them the 20 minutes into the nearest city and a train station 2 minutes away that can have them there in 5 minutes. They’ll only be a few miles away from their current home.

Obviously there’ll be cons of living in flats but overall I think that it’s a good move for them.

I’m curious to know if anyone will think that they’ll regret it and if anyone’s parents have downsized and how they feel about it.

TIA

I don't mean total privacy, I don't have that, I mean not having to share my garden with other people. I don't like gardening but I like being able to do what I want, not have to share it with other people. I'd hate to have to go to a park for example and be bothered by dogs and children!

I'm just not that fussed. I don't often experience other people bothering me in a park so I'll take it in exchange for no gardening

My parents don't go into their garden at all except to mow the lawn. Not everyone cares about outside space

We're roughly roughly the same age and are looking to upsize in a cheaper area. We had 3 children and they have children so we need a big enough house for them. The idea is that one child and their family will live with us, as well as a single child and the othe child will get an enhanced inheritance.

So two of your children will get to look after you when you get older and the other one gets more inheritance? Sorry but why?

Because two of them will have been housed for nothing for a period of time. It makes sense to me.

What could possibly go wrong 👀….

Best of luck to you. Sounds complicated and risky. Do you have exit strategies for various scenarios that could potentially happen - divorce, debt, death, disability, new partner, more grandchildren?

I guess it depends on your kids but I would have thought they would all prefer to be the one that gets to live independently..

Really? If it saved you literally ££££ thousands?

Yes. I left home at 18. Can't imagine anything worse than living with my parents especially when I had my own kids too

But in any case you plan to give them extra inheritance so there's no downside.

I couldn't go from having a garden to no garden at all. I'm a similar age and would be thoroughly miserable in a flat. They must have considered this though.

Have you explained all this to your children? One it seems strange to punish the ones who will be living with you and helping you out, and two many people equate inheritance with love and uneven splits can cause all sorts of issues.

How is providing someone with a home free of rent or bills “punishing” them?

Well it comes with the cost of living with elderly parents. The punishment i meant was the reduced inheritance. If everyone is on board with plan then fine, but I see potential for hurt if it isn't all transparent.

Very very pro downsizing..

My Dad wanted to downsize a few years back but then got cold feet over it.

He is now rattling around in a rapidly deteriorating property that he built himself that does not meet the building regs of the time let alone now. It has no running water, the electrics are a fucking nightmare but none of us can afford the full re-wire it needs (and because it is not up to code in any way as he wired it all himself, no electrician will touch it if its NOT a full rip out and re-wire)...

It's a five bed barn conversion on half an acre he cannot manage and nor can we - I am physically disabled and rely on a power chair, my partner is Autistic and struggles without body doubling to do tasks outside his day to day remit (and really is NOT a natural gardener/diy-er), and is MY full time carer and my sister is also losing her mobility (same hereditary heart condition though hers is not as bad... its still bad enough she had a valve replaced this year)...

It is a really shitty situation he's put himself in and now all of us are paying the price and when he does kark it, we'll carry on paying the price. So yeah, very very pro older folks downsizing whilst they can to future proof themselves!

But does it make sense to them?

Not sure why you will carry on paying the price?

Oh I just roll away and leave it to rot then?

Or will it be me (because herself can't do paperwork or organising anything) having to sort out selling it? An unmortgageable death trap heap, rammed with nearly 80 years of hoarded crap.

And that is the best case scenario - the worst case is he has to go into a home, and we have to sell it to pay for that. LA will want us to get the best possible price for it but we won't be able to because... its an unmortgageable death trap heap rammed with nearly 80 years of hoarded crap.

It is causing me stress and neither situation has happened yet!

You can decline the inheritance. You can also decline to assist SS with the prpoerty sale.

Well exactly.

It seems mad to me to have decided on this plan when potentially none of the kids will want to live with the OP. They might want to live in another country even!

It seems particularly mad to have decided that one of them will be conveniently single and that one will have a partner who is happy to live with the in laws..

Thanks everyone. They’re quite excited about it now.

Im also moving around the same time and we’ll be on the same train line so it will be easier for all of us. They’re particularly looking forward to attending more events in the city as they’ll be just 5 minutes train journey from it. It should mean that they get to attend even more events than before as it’ll be so much easier now and they’ll also be just one stop from the golf club where they and many of their friends regularly meet.

Im very grateful to everyone for all of the responses. It’s been very helpful so a big thank you for those.

Sounds lovely for everyone. Best of luck in all this new chapter for your family.

My parents have recently downsized from their very, very big house to a lovely smaller townhouse and used part of the money freed up to buy a small flat in a nearby city, and they couldn't be happier. They miss their garden, but got an allotment close by, and it was well worth it to be freed up from the maintenance of a big old house. Now they can whizz into the city on public transport and have easily walkable access to music, art, theatre, restaurants. They're absolutely loving it.

Thank you. I appreciate that.

And thank you also to OneOneOne for sharing that too. I’m so happy to hear of your parents’ positive experience.