AIBU to wonder if my parents will regret downsizing now?

[DownsizingNow]

Personally I think no but I’m curious to know what others think after a discussion with some relatives who said that they think that they will.

They’re in their mid 60s and currently in a 3 bedroom detached home with a medium size garden. It’s a new build home but it’s getting to the stage where it’s starting to need maintenance and repairs and some has been done and more will need to be done in future. They’re finding it too much trouble, even trying to get workmen in can be a headache. The stairs are going to become a real issue soon due to injury and they aren’t keen gardeners but the garden takes a lot of maintenance and is going to need the paving changed soon.

So they’ve decided to move to a new build ground floor 2 bedroom flat. They want to futureproof and don’t intend to move again and it’s literally 5 minutes walk from a large supermarket, restaurants, cafes, hairdressers, Doctors and a health centre. There are 4 buses to take them the 20 minutes into the nearest city and a train station 2 minutes away that can have them there in 5 minutes. They’ll only be a few miles away from their current home.

Obviously there’ll be cons of living in flats but overall I think that it’s a good move for them.

I’m curious to know if anyone will think that they’ll regret it and if anyone’s parents have downsized and how they feel about it.

TIA

My parents’ place was always home to me.

We’re not downsizing because, despite the house objectively being too big, it’s ideally situated with shops, GP surgery, dentist and bus stop all within five minutes walk. We can afford to heat and maintain it and the relatively small garden and have sussed out a genius way of installing a lift if necessary. Little did we know when we bought this house 20 odd years ago that it was essentially future proof.

We're thinking of upsizing in our early 60's. Want to be more rural, with a bigger garden. We have a 5 bedroom.now, and can't consider a smaller house yet as we still have one DC at home, and the other visits often.

A flat without a garden would be my idea if hell.

Not everyone becomes frail and unable to manage stairs etc. I have quite a few neighbours in their late 70s and 80s who are very happy in their 3/4 bedroom terrace houses with lots of stairs. My parents are in their 70s and very happy in their large home.

I always amazed by people downsizing in their 60s - they’re not dead yet!! Hopefully they’ve got a lot of active life in front of them still! We are in our 60s & live in a 6-bedroom house…we use every room downstairs for various admin/hobby/dog accommodation/our living activities & although we routinely only use one bedroom upstairs (unless one of us is ill & sleeping badly), every bedroom will be occupied by children and grandchildren over the Christmas period and we love being able to do that! The entire extended family of 20+ gather here every Easter & Christmas, & I would hate having to stop doing that yet. Of course, I know that we are very lucky not to have to downsize for financial reasons, and we will have to see what the future brings, but at the moment we have absolutely no plans to downsize.

Unless they have noisy people upstairs then no. Bungalows can be hard to find and being near good transport becomes more important as you get older,

Bungalows round us are often pokey or badly extended

No they’re not dead yet and only one is retired but you can still live a full and active life while downsizing and they intend to do so. They just want to maintain a large property that’s starting to need things like a new kitchen and various other repairs. It doesn’t mean that it’s right for everyone but I do think that in their situation where the stairs are becoming increasingly challenging for one of them, due to a workplace injury and that they’re tired of the stress and bother of maintaining a large home and garden that it will ultimately benefit them, or at least I hope so.

In fact the hope is that it will make it easier for them to travel as the local train station is only one stop from a major train station that will allow them easy access for their regular trips all over the country and beyond.

I couldn't return to flat living. A 2 bed bungalow, maybe.

Moving into a flat can often mean an inability to keep a pet. Not a problem when you're in a couple, but when one dies, a cat or a little dog can be an absolute lifeline to the one left behind.

Not a good enough reason to hang on to an oversized house, of course, but just something to bear in mind if either parent is minded to like the company of a cat or dog.

I think they're very sensible. My parents refused to move from their huge, in the middle of nowhere detached house and now they're older and can no longer drive, it's caused no end of problems mainly having to be solved or managed by me

My paternal grandparents however, did the same as your parents which made their lives a lot easier as they got older, less mobile and not able to drive but meant they maintained a level of independence

My parents downsized when Dad retired aged 80.

They moved from a four bedroomed house to a two bedroom ground floor flat. They did miss the garden but living in Scotland it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Mum did seem to spend most of her time "clearing out" but I think that was more because they didn't have space to dump stuff like she had before.

It was ideal for them though. They were close to shops, buses and their local church. They also didn't move far from where they used to live so still had friends and family close by. When Mum had to stop driving they used to get buses and taxis and became the recipients of lifts to church having spent many years giving them.

Stairs are good exercise and keep you moving muscles you don't use much if not climbing stairs. Unless you workout.

I think being close to transport/shops and a local community will be hugely beneficial. And like you say OP - this will actually keep them active but in a pleasurable way rather then spending time/energy and money maintaining a larger property with a big garden.

I plan to be active in my retirement but I certainly don’t want to be cleaning and maintaining a massive 6 bedroom house with a large garden. Plus I’d rather be close to town/transport and friends. That means a smaller property rather than a country pile….

I’d hate to be isolated and lonely - very bad for you in old age.

Interesting thread. I’m constantly considering downsizing.

My dad says this. He's 93 and his loo is upstairs. He's up and down all day. I'm 62, husband 67. We will downsize in a few years but would like a property with potential for a downstairs bedroom and bathroom in the future. At the moment we go to the gym 4 times a week. Having had dodgy knees 2 years ago I can now leg press 100kg and do walking lunges getting my knees to the floor ....I'm future proofing myself too!

Whether you regret would depend entirely n your life and preferences too. I spent 20 years in a tiny house and was out most of the time. It was a total waste really having a garden, I barely set foot in it, and I am nosy so liked being cheek by jowl with my (civilised) neighbours. I would happily go back to that kind of life when in my own again. For my mum, her garden was absolutely everything to her and she hates being around people. Different needs.

Why on earth equate downsizing with being dead?

Life is change. It's when you're too mentally inflexible to consider change that you're nearing the end, not when you're proactively choosing something new!

Late 60s is often when people are retired but still fit and well so able to do everything related to moving house without needing to be helped, and free to travel etc rather than having to be home every night. If children don't have additional needs they've often successfully started their own lives in their own homes independently by the time parents are in their late 60s, so it's a dynamic time when change is possible, rather than mothballing rooms and bunkering down.

We recently downsized from a large 5 bed Edwardian semi, with accommodation spread over 4 floors, and a large garden. We wanted to stay in the immediate area to maintain our social and family connections and because the area has facilities (shops, healthcare, transport) within easy walking distance. We didn’t consider a flat as we enjoy gardening, have a dog, and wanted space for hobbies and visitors. Due to lack of suitable options, we ended up buying a slightly smaller house that was built in 1919. It’s still over 4 floors and has 4 bedrooms and a much smaller garden. It is totally unsuitable for old age and I know people think we are mad to have chosen it. .However stairs keep you fit and ward off the ‘Bungalow Legs’ and if we cannot The stairs at a later date we will install a l lift.

We plan to move before we reach 70 (60 now) and what you have described sounds exactly what we will be looking for. I have seen so many elderly family members struggling with a house and garden that no longer suits their needs, yet they can't bear to leave. We want to fo it before we have to do it, iykwim.

I don't know if people consciously regret it but I think there's a much bigger risk of staying in unsuitable accommodation. Too many people end up trapped in one or two rooms for years, hogging a house that could be a family home.

My parents downsized from our 4 bed family home to a town centre flat with a lift and never regretted it. My mum became ill with cancer a few years after they moved in and loved watching the comings and goings out the (massive) windows or from the balcony. Dad still lives there and has much reduced mobility. He can get his scooter/walker in and out of the lift and has local shops and cafes, or he can get a bus to the city from 20 metres outside his front door.

I’d be happy in a flat. My current house is the only non flat I’ve ever lived in as an adult, and when the DC are older I’ll go back to one.

My parents downsized in their late 60s from our 4 bed detached family home which was a car journey / bus ride from the nearest town centre to a 3 bed ground floor garden flat in the middle of the town centre. Now in their mid-70s, some chronic health issues later and they are SO glad they downsized when they did and aren’t having to endure the upheaval of a house move now.

I think if people stay well and mobile for a long time there is a chance they may regret downsizing in the short term, but far better to do it before it’s necessary for a decent quality of life than after things become too much where they are.

Professionally (NHS community rehab) I have met many people who have downsized. The ones who hae regretted it have regretted the lack of space and having to buy smaller furniture. The ones who have REALLY regretted it are the ones who have needed walking aids. Not so bad if they already had them and could work out if there was enough room but those who had to transition to them or to a wheelchair often really struggled. The other thing that causes problems is cramped loos and bathrooms.

We downsized from a 1930s 4 bed semi to a 2 bed 1980s bungalow in 2007.
It was in good nick, but we future proofed it, making the bathroom into a wet room, low maintenance garden etc.
We stayed in the same big village, shops are 5 minutes walk as well as doctors and dentist surgeries. The community centre have loads of classes, the library is big and modern. Never regretted downsizing, we travel a lot more, instead having to decorate a lot bigger home!

Btw, my friend has just had a quote for the installation of a lift in her home, £20,000.

If they are sociable people I don’t think you can underestimate how nice it is to be within walking distance of just about everywhere you need. My inlaws moved at a similar age and probably missed their open views for a few years, but are now so relieved that they can manage without a car.

When my mother downsized, albeit to a retirement complex, she loved having friends just along the corridor to meet up for a coffee or go out together. More importantly she didn’t have to worry about dealing with a cleaner, a gardener, unreliable tradesmen.

The hard bit is getting rid of a lifetime of belongings that few but yourself might value.

If they already have mobility issues with stairs etc, the timing sounds right.