AIBU to wonder if my parents will regret downsizing now?

[DownsizingNow]

Personally I think no but I’m curious to know what others think after a discussion with some relatives who said that they think that they will.

They’re in their mid 60s and currently in a 3 bedroom detached home with a medium size garden. It’s a new build home but it’s getting to the stage where it’s starting to need maintenance and repairs and some has been done and more will need to be done in future. They’re finding it too much trouble, even trying to get workmen in can be a headache. The stairs are going to become a real issue soon due to injury and they aren’t keen gardeners but the garden takes a lot of maintenance and is going to need the paving changed soon.

So they’ve decided to move to a new build ground floor 2 bedroom flat. They want to futureproof and don’t intend to move again and it’s literally 5 minutes walk from a large supermarket, restaurants, cafes, hairdressers, Doctors and a health centre. There are 4 buses to take them the 20 minutes into the nearest city and a train station 2 minutes away that can have them there in 5 minutes. They’ll only be a few miles away from their current home.

Obviously there’ll be cons of living in flats but overall I think that it’s a good move for them.

I’m curious to know if anyone will think that they’ll regret it and if anyone’s parents have downsized and how they feel about it.

TIA

Excellent points. Their flat has been designed with large spaces and to be fully accessible so hopefully it shouldn’t be an issue for them but it’s definitely something to consider thank you.

This is an issue we have come across, we were interested in a stunning large apartment with amazing views and fabulous location but it has a no pets policy, these are not cheap apartments, they would only appeal to older couples or for second homes, family homes they are not, we have a little lap dog so it rules us out as buyers completely (and one of the reasons why it’s not selling I’m sure) there is no way I could live somewhere as a widow and not be allowed to have a little companion in my final years.

We downsized from a 4 bed Victorian with a large garden in the Cotswolds to modern 2 bed, 3rd floor duplex in central Portugal. We have balconies and a roof terrace, outdoor space was very important to us. We're just off the centre of town, can walk to cafés, restaurants, supermarkets and markets. We have a car but only use it once or twice a month. I occasionally look at adverts for villas with pools and/or lovely gardens and think "lovely, but I don't want the upkeep".

We have friends of a similar age (late 60s, early 70s) who bought a quinta outside of town with some land, orchards, an annexe and needed some renovation. When they visit us, her husband is often too be found on out terrace, having over the town and infringing "You've got it made here haven't you".

I think you're absolutely right to mention these.
Some flats/apartments have eye wateringly high service charges.

They are not “hogging” a house at all, they are living in their home that they have bought and paid for, no senior person owes their house to a family, they are not second class citizens.

Exactly. I am single and live alone, except for my dog. I don't think I would have survived the Covid Lockdowns without having her pleased to see me when I came in from a work shift. People underestimate the companionship offered by a pet to single, older people.

That's interesting. You're allowed to have a pet by law in Portugal.
Also (because we were looking with a view to staying here as we age), our doorways are wide enough for a wheelchair and the rooms are large. Our downstairs loo is pokey but we've got plans to upgrade it. We could easily add a stair lift if we needed one too.

I agree. It seems so wrong to stop people from keeping pets, so long as they are well looked after and aren’t being a nuisance.

Luckily pets aren’t an issue in their new flat but it’s depressing to hear that it isn’t uncommon for them to be forbidden.

Yes they really do underestimate how important a companion animal can be, having a pet to care for can literally keep older people alive, it gives them routine, a sense of purpose, it makes you get out and about and when you have a dog every one stops to talk to you so is great for social connections which can be hard for isolated older people, and of course the best thing is the love and companionship they offer, no fancy apartment can compete with that so we had to walk away.

I think it’s a great idea. We want to retire at 55 (me) 58 (DH). If the mortgage isn’t paid off by then, the plan is to downsize and buy in cash to ensure we can retire. We don’t want to be chained to our desks just to pay a mortgage.

Well, they are not “hogging” a house if it’s their own house, or even privately renting. If we use the argument that only “families” are entitled to a certain size house then we are really moving towards a North Korea style society…

My elderly neighbour lives alone in a three bedroom home but often has friends and family come to stay. It keeps him happy and active.

Great idea. They won't regret it and it will give them more freedom as they get older.

My Mum downsized in her late 60s after my Dad went into a nursing home. She has been very happy in her flat. She has always said that the time to downsize is some years before you have to (regarding old age), as by the time you have to, it can be too late and the stress too great.

I guess in a way I have downsized, even though I am in my early 50s! I moved from a house with a garden to a flat in a city. I enjoyed my house and garden for a decade, but I enjoy travelling and going out places more, so for me a smaller place makes sense. I doubt this is my final home (or at least I hope not!), but I have no plans to upsize again.

Lack of place to host guests could be an issue but if there's a useful Premier Inn nearby, that's not really an issue. Much cheaper to pay for a hotel every so often than buy extra bedrooms!

Years ago there was an episode of Location where the people said they'd have family coming from New Zealand every couple of years and so needed more bedrooms. Kirstie tried to persuade them (I can't remember whether it was successfully now) that £80,000 for the extra bedrooms in a more expensive house would pay for a lot of hotel stays!

The things I wouldn't like about a flat is the service charges and noise from other flats. And if a retirement flat, the difficulty in selling them on.

My parents have done similar and absolutely no regrets. Reducing the amount of stuff they had wasn’t the easiest but they recognised it would make it easier for me and my siblings when the inevitable happens. They love the fact that they no longer have to worry about getting a gardener or the constant stream of maintenance on a house. The downside they need to be fully aware of are the service charges and the fact that there will be more noise living in a flat than in a semi detached house. But even with service charges their utility bill are so much smaller the difference, along with reduced council tax means they are still paying less per month than when they had the house and although there is some noise ( a door slamming occasionally , voices in the corridor ) they have quickly got used to it. For me and my siblings it’s also meant we aren’t being called all the time because something has gone wrong or they can’t get a tradesman.

Only last week they were telling relatives it’s the best thing they could have done to move ( and my parents left the family home they had been in for 60 years and wished they had done it sooner )

I would not want to downsize regardless of the situation but my OH says he would consider it in later life if I go before him.

When we were in our mid-50's we made a deliberate decision to buy a slightly larger property, it was a NB but a decent sized, well designed 4-bed det with a good sized garden (for a NB) whereas our previous house was older and while being slightly smaller, had a massive garden.

We moved not long ago intending to probably downsize a bit but ended up with a completely different style of house which was actually slightly bigger. Our DC were so negative about the entire thing that it really soured an already stressful process. They seemed to think we weren’t capable of making our own decisions and would be at risk financially. We are not.

Luckily we are delighted with our decision. One DC was immediately happy to be wrong. The other…not sure.

@DownsizingNow if your parents are sound of mind and not prone to making bad decisions then be happy for the - you seem to be.

NB I know two couples who deeply regret their moves and both were to McCarthy and Stone developments.

We downsized earlier this year from a 5 bed house (with a horrendous roof) in a quiet residential area to a 2 bed ground floor flat. It’s fantastic! 2 minutes walk from shops, cafes, bars, restaurants, cinemas, amazing bus service, dentist is round the corner, GP across the road. We have our own front garden and a massive communal back garden that costs each flat £40/year for grass cutting. We’re only 62 and 57 so it’s not like we couldn’t manage our previous house, this is just so much better, we can go out on a whim and hardly use the car now as we can walk everywhere. It’s a Victorian tenement flat so doesn’t feel cramped, tons of storage space too even though we still have to cull more stuff.

When we returned from abroad where we had a 5 bed, 4 bath home with a pool and land we dramatically downsized to a 2 bed detached bungalow close to a town with most amenities in walking distance. I can honestly say I'm very happy with that decision. Miss the pool sometimes but I certainly don't miss all the cleaning and maintenance!
We might move once more to be nearer our son but it would have to be a flat due to it being a much more expensive area and neither of us is ready for that as we still like our garden.
I think your parents are being sensible and appear to have thought it all through so I doubt they'll regret it unless they have noise issues.

And upstairs neighbours. Big con, that.

It sounds great for them .

DH and I have just downsized. I am 60 and he is 70 but he’s got a few medical issues which meant he was more keen than me on leaving our garden and 4 bedroom detached house behind. We’ve bought a really nice 2 bed, 2 bathroom flat on the ground floor in a nice quiet development- lots of other downsizers 😀
My head knows it’s a sensible decision but I must admit that I feel that, for me, it was too soon. Our house was the ‘hosting house’ for all big occasions and I am so upset that I won’t be able to do that anymore. DH is full of chat about how exciting it will be to do Christmas differently this year but I would love it to be the way we’ve done it for the last 20 years - and I think our kids would too.
However, we are where we are and there are definite advantages- full clean of the place this morning took an hour! And no need to rake up the leaves that our garden maintenance people were dealing with earlier this week!
So, while leaving it too late is obviously a risk, I wouldn’t advise anyone to do it too soon either.

We downsized at similar ages to your parents. But to a house with a garden by the sea and family. I liked the house but my DH didn’t but got used to not having the same space. But we settled in and made adjustments and it worked. We definitely decided against a flat though. Potential horrendous maintenance charges that looked to increase every year with no visible work activity. And neighbour noise. Other tvs, pets, visitors etc. we just said no. But mainly it was those hidden charges that frightened us right off. Hope that helps

This morning I went to view a 2 bedroom retirement flat as DH and are thinking of downsizing sometime. We are in our 70s. It was near nice shops, cafes, bus routes, etc and in a well-maintained block with a half time manager. It was VERY small and I really don't think I could bear to live there full-time. We would have to be able to keep our big house in the country and just have the flat as a town residence! The thought of having to move into a tiny flat is very depressing.

I agree. I’m a physio and my elderly dad lives in a downstairs flat and is very settled and happy there