AIBU to be upset when Mum's have been banned from my child's team tour?

[Momoftwoscallywags]

I have previously posted that my DS (13 years old) plays a team sport and that his team have had some new coaches this season.

Recently, the usual tour details were posted by one of the new coaches and it was stated that Mum's shouldn't be going on tour, as apparently this is traditional in this particular sport? And that if Dad's couldn't go, and you didn't want your child going alone, then an appropriate male guardian would be acceptable in their place.

Well, as you could image this has caused an up roar and did lead to a last minute change of heart by the coaches but I get the impression that the coaches didn't do this willingly and that they were told to do so by the club, but I am not 100% sure of this.

So now there are no Mum's on this tour and, shockingly, some of the kids haven’t been able to go on the tour because of their personal circumstances.
And, setting aside all the gender discrimination in this situation, it is this which I truly think is the most upsetting part of it all, as team sport should be for all kids and the coaches should be bending over backwards to make this happen for every kid, regardless of circumstances.

So dads are welcome but mums aren't?

And a bunch of secondary age kids can't go on a sports tour without a parent present?

I'm guessing this is not through school, but I'm struggling to work out how they can justify this.

Sounds like they wanted to maintain a single sex environment.

This is bonkers, I would make that public and withdraw my child from that environment.

And I would also tell the coach to f*ck off.

Would it be bonkers if they didnt want dads going away with a girls' netball team?

Was this the same group of coaches that banned parents from the group chat? (Sorry might have been a different person - I didn’t do a search as I always find that a bit stalker-ish)

Yes.

That's appalling.

Would you tell us the sport? See if we can get our head around the associated "tradition"?

I don't think so. I think single sex environments are needed at times.

Oh, I've reread the OP and actually lone kids are allowed. Leaving aside from the blatant discrimination, why would parents be accompanying a Year 8 aged trip unless there as parent volunteers??

I dont see a problem, if it was girls if they tried to ban dads would that be ok?

Not sure why parents are even going?

I’m going to hazard a guess here, but I bet the coaches have no issue with the mum’s sorting out the post-match tea/lunches for the team and visiting teams?

So they're now letting Moms go but the moms are refusing as a protest? I don't understand why the Moms aren't now going.

Also do they really need one adult per child at 13??

Because the dads drink a lot (just watch them load up the coach!) and treat it like a boys weekend away. What happens on tour stays on tour etc.

At ds's club there was some talk of the mums booking a nearby spa.

Personally, I avoided the whole club because of the whole ethos, but it's the nature of the sport.

No.

I'm guessing rugby tour. Have known of ones where more dads than boys end up going.

I think the difference between no dads on a daughters tour and no mums on a sons tour is, let’s be honest, the boys tour is going to foster an atmosphere of misogyny, sexism and no worries about safety whereas men on a girls tour is going to have concerns about safety. Let’s at least be honest about that.
My ds went on a football tour to US when he was 14 - boys/male teachers only and what he told me went on and the kind of behaviour that was deemed acceptable was actually quite shocking. But, you know, boys…🙄
I would be far less worried about a mum going on a boys tour than I would be about a man going on a girls tour which is actually really sad and probably shows more about the kind of men I have come across. I wish I didn’t feel like this.

This - am going to guess it’s rugby. Am pretty sure it’s illegal (discriminatory) to ban mothers. What if a child doesn’t have a father? Why should their mum be excluded on the basis of her sex?

See I disagree. I know women who for a variety of reasons, act inappropriately around teenage boys. They like the attention.

I also think that is perfectly possible to have a male environment that opposes misogyny and sexism. I also think that adult men can be as safety conscious and considerate as women when it comes to safeguarding children.

I think the idea that women have to be around children for it to be safe and healthy actually foists more of the caregiving responsibilities onto us.

Men should be able to create a healthy, safe space for boys. We need to let them.

To maintain a single sex environment.

Ok. You are the mother where the coaches set up a WhatsApp group for the kids where they specifically excluded the parents. You were told, multiple times, that this is a breach of Safeguarding rules. The same coaches have again brought in rules that do the same thing. What is going to take for you to actually report this? These coaches clearly have no idea of their responsibilities. It needs to be taken to the FA, the RFU or whichever body is in charge of this sport. Stop passively moaning on mumsnet and start doing some to protect your and the others children.

I’m guessing rugby tour too. The rugby club my daughter goes to is open to all parents and most kids take both parents. We don’t go because it clashes with other things she has on. There is a huge drinking culture with it it seems so I wonder if the coaches are hoping for a male only booze up. Either way- not acceptable.

Yes, if this is the case, this is dodgy as hell. No way would my child be involved in any of this.

This is 100% a rugby thing that the op must be talking about.

Having been a safeguarding office for kids rugby for many years, in your position I'd talk to their safeguarding person to be certain this isn't going to be a way of encouraging the boys to drink alcohol, or even drinking fake 'dirty pints' etc, as that's what it's sounding like to me, which is strictly against all rugby rules for kids.