AIBU to be upset when Mum's have been banned from my child's team tour?

[Momoftwoscallywags]

I have previously posted that my DS (13 years old) plays a team sport and that his team have had some new coaches this season.

Recently, the usual tour details were posted by one of the new coaches and it was stated that Mum's shouldn't be going on tour, as apparently this is traditional in this particular sport? And that if Dad's couldn't go, and you didn't want your child going alone, then an appropriate male guardian would be acceptable in their place.

Well, as you could image this has caused an up roar and did lead to a last minute change of heart by the coaches but I get the impression that the coaches didn't do this willingly and that they were told to do so by the club, but I am not 100% sure of this.

So now there are no Mum's on this tour and, shockingly, some of the kids haven’t been able to go on the tour because of their personal circumstances.
And, setting aside all the gender discrimination in this situation, it is this which I truly think is the most upsetting part of it all, as team sport should be for all kids and the coaches should be bending over backwards to make this happen for every kid, regardless of circumstances.

I was a single parent so had to go on ds’s football tours when he was young. I was the only mother there. Every other child took their dad. I didn’t really mind and didn’t make a big thing about it for ds’s sake - everyone knew he didn’t have an alternative and nor did I!

i would tell the coach to think about single parent families - not everyone has a dad that can attend these things!

"It's so awful that boys only have Andrew Tate as a role model of how to be a man"

"Okay, we're organising a males only sports trip which will encourage father-son male bonding and give teenage boys a productive channel for all their energy and competitiveness"

"No, not like that!"

I didn't realise the side line and hotels were single sex spaces where only men can go

Are women banned from the sideline?

I am sure that under modern legislation this is sexist. Is there anyway you can get this checked out and go to whomever is above the coach. He sounds like an MCP.

and the ones who don't have a dad or a coach that is female.

How does that work?

Apparently they are on this tour as well as the hotel.

No, but then they're literally sidelined 👍

They said in the OP.

Oh. Well, when you put it like that.

I didnt realise there was only a choice between 'andrew tate' and 'Boys with dead or absent fathers either can't go, or the coach needs to have unsupervised access to them on the trip for...reasons.'

There is plenty of male bonding between the coaches and the other boys while playing the sport? What kind of bonding will be happening outside of the sport in the hotel room that needs mothers to not be present?

💯 this.

If it’s rugby, it’s “under 13s” meaning some of the boys will be 12. Year 8.

Lots of positives about rugby and team sports but the drinking culture isn’t one of them.

Mums being there means things will get dampened and some of the boys will prefer to hang out with their sober parent instead, meaning the whole boozing vibe gets ‘spoilt’ for those who wanted to get shitfaced. Its all about the dads fun, they don’t even realise how bored the 12/13 year olds get when their parent is drunk, rambling and repetitive. And it’s the perfect environment to encourage young teens to drink and then the dads feign horror the next day whilst also slapping their boy on the back for being one of the lads.

Because they can't stay in the hotel for this tour?

I haven't seen that. How would they stop people turning up at the venue and joining other spectators?

So they take a male chaperone.

hahaha!!
Such positive role modelling.

Apparently he mums are banned

No I was just pointing out the literal use of the word 'sidelined'. I don't really know the answer to the whole question tbh.

It provides a boy (who obviously has not one other adult male in the world to come with him) the chance to meet another adult male that could potentially take on a mentoring role.

From the tour. The reason mums are unlikely to go unless they can stay is distance.

They're 13yo boys - it's a group trip with other adult supervision. Do you insist on going on every school camp with your teenage DC? I'd be humiliated if my mum came with - all my friends would think I was a baby.

Regardless of gender, parents should be cutting the apron strings and letting their children enjoy themselves with their mates doing sport without them.
I'm sure there are plenty of home games to watch them at.

I expect it's rugby. DS used to play and there were all sorts of rules about a parent always having to be present by the pitch in case of injury. And a parent had to go on tour to supervise their child. It didn't have to be a Dad, but invariably was. DH hated going (there was very much a beer/laddish culture which was not his scene) and we were glad when DS dropped rugby for another sport.

A lot of activities mandate a parent present to get around DBS/safeguarding rules - particularly in a mixed adult/child environment. Most chess/board/D&D games clubs run on this rule and I know several arts/crafts classes that allow a teen if a parent goes as well. It is a simple way to keep a child safe in a mixed environment without incurring expenses and time consuming training. Brownies/scouts are different because they are youth organisations set up specifically to cater for young people - so the proper safeguards should be in place. Youth rugby is different because of the injury rules.

Well done, you. You both sound amazing. Thanks for bringing it up on a thread about something else.

On a sports thread about children being coached in a sports team...

Of course it would

No