AIBU to be upset when Mum's have been banned from my child's team tour?

[Momoftwoscallywags]

I have previously posted that my DS (13 years old) plays a team sport and that his team have had some new coaches this season.

Recently, the usual tour details were posted by one of the new coaches and it was stated that Mum's shouldn't be going on tour, as apparently this is traditional in this particular sport? And that if Dad's couldn't go, and you didn't want your child going alone, then an appropriate male guardian would be acceptable in their place.

Well, as you could image this has caused an up roar and did lead to a last minute change of heart by the coaches but I get the impression that the coaches didn't do this willingly and that they were told to do so by the club, but I am not 100% sure of this.

So now there are no Mum's on this tour and, shockingly, some of the kids haven’t been able to go on the tour because of their personal circumstances.
And, setting aside all the gender discrimination in this situation, it is this which I truly think is the most upsetting part of it all, as team sport should be for all kids and the coaches should be bending over backwards to make this happen for every kid, regardless of circumstances.

I think it's fine to have a single sex space. The dynamic is different than a mixed sex space and that's ok and sometimes desired/desirable for both sexes.

For my sons sports teams the parents always go on the tour. It's very common in rugby.

This makes me so profoundly glad that neither DS is into rugby.

Coaches wanted dads only because they think having mums around will put a dampener on the massive piss up that is the average rugby tour. Unfortunately a lot of clubs only pay lip service to safeguarding and underage drinking, porn, and generally appalling behaviour is not only tolerated but encouraged. Because lads will be lads and what happens on tour stays on tour. I remember my brother regaling me with stories of the porn videos that were shown on the coach. He was 12.

Yes. I think we have this dynamic where we have to justify single sex spaces on the basis of "if men join they will rape us" etc.

There are definitely cases where physical safety is a concern justifying single sex space, but it's not relevant in every case.

I'm in a book club which is defacto a ladies night where we talk about the book but also relationships, family, personal issues etc. Every now and then someone invites a man and the dynamic is just... not the same. I don't think any of the men are going to sexually assault me. I just find it annoying that they are there and changing the vibe.

@Momoftwoscallywags but you said in your op they've had a change of heart and are now letting Moms go....

Does your child want you there?

Well i wouldnt want a load of men going on a girls netball trip with my daughter to be honest. Why cant your child go on his own? Hes in secondary school. Do they stay over? How many nights?

But this applies to all genders of adults and children. The coaches/organisers are responsible for safeguarding of all concerned and there should be no possibility of a situation on a kids’ sports tour where opportunity arises for this kind of issue to be a problem. It’s literally their job to prevent it (yes volunteer or otherwise). Coaches have safeguarding qualifications for a reason. Other adults on a kids’ tour do not and will likely overstep many boundaries (possibly unknowingly) but this has nothing to do with the gender of those adults.

It’s discriminatory and I would question if this is even legal? Club should be reported and I would find somewhere else rather than be involved with such a sexist team!

Keeping a single sexed environment is one way to minimise the likelihood of inappropriate behaviour.

@Momoftwoscallywags
Did you report the completely inappropriate WhatsApp group to the club’s safeguarding officer?

The op had a thread last month about a WhatsApp group set up by coaches with the children. No parents on the group. She was told multiple times that this breached all kinds of safeguarding rules.

This sucks! I have rugby playing children and husband so we've had plenty of tours through the years. None of them at mini and juniors level have been dads/men only. It's a great way for parents to get to know each other. We've got plenty of single parents in the team, there are some with complicated home lives who would really struggle if this was a rule.

The mums and nans and aunts and foster mums help the team and the club in so many different ways so of course we'll be on a tour that we've helped fundraise, of course we'll be watching our children play a game or tournament on tour after driving them to training and matches all season, of course we'll be joining them on the tour after weekends of selling tea cooking bacon sandwiches. (We also have dads helping in the kitchen and at events).

What about the mum who's the team medic? Could she go?!

It's different when they're at youth level and they're 17 and 18, honestly I don't want to go on that one so they can crack on without me! But that's just players and coaches anyway.

@MajorProcrastination
@Momoftwoscallywags didn’t come back to say what happened