AIBU to be upset when Mum's have been banned from my child's team tour?

[Momoftwoscallywags]

I have previously posted that my DS (13 years old) plays a team sport and that his team have had some new coaches this season.

Recently, the usual tour details were posted by one of the new coaches and it was stated that Mum's shouldn't be going on tour, as apparently this is traditional in this particular sport? And that if Dad's couldn't go, and you didn't want your child going alone, then an appropriate male guardian would be acceptable in their place.

Well, as you could image this has caused an up roar and did lead to a last minute change of heart by the coaches but I get the impression that the coaches didn't do this willingly and that they were told to do so by the club, but I am not 100% sure of this.

So now there are no Mum's on this tour and, shockingly, some of the kids haven’t been able to go on the tour because of their personal circumstances.
And, setting aside all the gender discrimination in this situation, it is this which I truly think is the most upsetting part of it all, as team sport should be for all kids and the coaches should be bending over backwards to make this happen for every kid, regardless of circumstances.

I let my kids have a private coach/player relationship. Probably why my son is likely to play his sport internationally and at the top level.

You know women who act inappropriately around teenage boys? As in more than one woman? Bloody hell 😱
I agree that single sex environments aren’t always a bad thing but let’s not be so naive to think that rugby/cricket/football tours aren’t - for the majority of the time - a hot bed of misogyny. Statistically.

And also, again let’s be honest, girls need single sex spaces more than boys especially when it comes to sports.

I agree that sex matters in some contexts, and think that if you have a single sex sports team it is important for them to be of the same sex, but I struggle to see how those coming to support need to be of one or other sex.

It’s hard to think of any rationale that isn’t underpinned by sexist tropes.

I'm also guessing it's rugby. My son played rugby very competitively throughout his teens and I always ensured I was reasonably close by in case of injury.
He had one serious concussion incident where I was able to get him medical help v quickly as a result.
I don't like the gender distinction full stop but I'd be asking to see the risk assessments for the trip.

But surely that’s only pertinent if multiple parents (dads) are sharing with multiple children, say in a hostel dorm, for example… and which has huge safeguarding implications? On scouts and guides tours the sex of the leaders is irrelevant - the children are grouped together in their accommodation acc to sex and age, the leaders also share rooms according to their sex. Daytime activities take place regardless of the sex of the any of those involved.

There is no proportionate and reasonable excuse for mothers to be excluded from the entire trip, just the changing rooms or showers.. where, again, there should not be any adults present anyway for safeguarding reasons. And it penalises children who do not have dads around, or even a dad at all.

And for those that have one parent or have lesbian or gay parents they should not be able to take their parent. WTF!

Not everyone has a mum and a dad you know and that's before we get into personal circumstances.

So do I, but this is not one of those times.

I think it is about the going away tour element. If a parent showed up for a game, stood in the stands and went home, I can't see how they'd be able to police that. It seems to be about staying away for nights. Let it be a boys thing ffs.

Yanbu.

im a LP and ds has g seen his dad since he was 2yo.

My dad was my mums carer because she had cancer and he has his own cancer now.

Id be raging if it meant my ds missed out because none of that is within his control.

They need to get on a tour bus to the 21st century!

Why because it is women who are excluded?

Some childrens clubs are, like Brownies for example. Dads arent allowed to attend meetings as helpers because it is a female only space. They can go in quickly for things such as seeing their child make their promise but need to leave immediately after.

So no dad's around then either

They said another male can attend. They'd even assign a guardian for those who don't have one. It's still important that the son of lesbian parents has access to protected time with other males.

If you are the poster I think you are, there are various safeguarding concerns about this club and the men running it.

I genuinely don’t know why you haven’t found an alternative club for your child and a few of their friends to move to. You obviously aren’t the only parent seeing the red flags here. Act on them.

why?

So, they are deliberately excluding kids with absent fathers, disabled fathers, complex custody arrangements, and dead fathers. No, that’s not okay in anyone’s world.

Why are parents going on Sports Tours with 13 year olds ? Can they not just go to the matches without being part of an official “tour”

They don't have anything which restricts attendance to just fathers/male supporters but I'd be perfectly fine if they did. I am not in the team whatsapp group. I dont think any parents are.

No they arent.

Are you the OP?

Because the influence and guidance of adults of the same sex is important to everyone.

No but I can read the OP

So how do you know who is in the WhatsApp group?

That's the club though.
The other dad's won't be allowed to have any contact with other kids will they.
That would be a safe guarding issue.
They are there as supporters and guardians for their own kid.

Nothing more. Sex is not important in this.

Presumably other dad's won't be sharing accomodation with boys that are not their own? That would also be a safe guarding issue.

No, your son is clearly very talented and that’s why he has a chance of ongoing involvement in the sport.

Allowing children to have private relationships with coaches is how you end up with the kind of abuse that happened in UK gymnastics.