Wedding gift. What would you do?

[SunnyPlumOrca]

Need your thoughts.
We have been invited to a wedding but instead of giving a gift the bride and groom have asked for donations to their honeymoon.
We have never heard of this before and it strikes us as being very rude.
A wedding gift is usually a gift to help in the set up of their new life together, not to help go on holiday.
The wedding itself sounds as if it is a lavish affair and is going to be costly anyway for guests.
Am I being unreasonable to give them a gift that I want to give

It’s very normal, and has been since the majority of people started living together before they got married.

There’s no need for household goods, when you already have them.

Making a request for money towards the honeymoon isn't unusual nowadays.

Do the couple already live together?
What gift do you think you can give them that will help them set up their life together?
Just give them the money.

Just give them money - no-one wants tat / unwanted gifts. What are you intending to buy them? If you feel so strongly about it don't go to the wedding.

Most couples by far have been living together in their own place before getting married. They already have crockery, a toaster and bed linen.

This is a very standard request these days, especially as most couples have already set up house together before getting married.
You can disregard their request and get them a physical gift, but if you care about the couple and want to maintain a good relationship with them, I would still donate to the honeymoon fund.

You don’t HAVE to donate to the honeymoon. My preference is to give an experience gift instead such as cinema vouchers or some for their favourite restaurant with a note about “date night”.

Pretty normal. People have all the home stuff they need these days so I would rather they have money to go towards something bigger they really want than waste money on tat they don't need.

We always give money if asked. Far better than buying a toaster !

Very normal and goes towards something they want / will remember not overpriced candelabras and £85 cushions still bitter about having to buy that fucking cushion especially as they divorced within 2 years and it was a fucking ugly cushion

If you want something more memorable you could buy 2 x 1hr massage / spa treatments or an experience via the hotel (sunset cruise, snorkelling woth turtles or whatever)

It’s very normal these days. It grates on the older generation. Full disclosure, I find it grating. I asked for no gifts because people paid enough to attend.

There are some traditions where guests pin money to the bride - do that on the day, pick your moment and go for it. Or get them a toaster.

Exceptionally normal and sensible if I'm being honest. I can't think of a single wedding we've attended in the last 5 years where the couple didn't already live together.

Please don't buy them an unwanted gift.

We got married over 40 years ago, and all of MIL's friends bought us stuff we would never use. I still remember the brown nylon sheets that we charity shopped.

I know asking for honeymoon donations might sound grabby, but at least it will be appreciated.

Just give them the money you would have spent on a gift. It isn't all about what you want.

@SunnyPlumOrca Where have you been the last decades ? I haven't been to à wedding that did NOT request donations to a honeymoon except my own (we had been together a long time with dc and me pregnant so no need for a honeymoon- we didn't ask for anything. We got a lovely lamp from one of Mil's friends that's now in the living room. Nothing I would have chosen myself but it grew upon me. So if you really have a great idea go with it. That being said I hope the couple is gracious enough to thank you!.

Why wouldn't you want to gift someone something you know they would want and in this case it's to help them go on honeymoon. Otherwise you are wasting your money and disappointing the couple. Plus it's easier. We didn't specify on our wedding invitation 10 years ago but luckily most people gave us money. We did get a lot of wine glasses though (& I don't drink wine 😂 - still taking up a lot of space) and a questionable amount of oil burners.

I've never understood this, why is a gift registry ok, but not just money? Both are mechanisms to make sure gifts are actually something the couple want and will use, to avoid you wasting your money, but registry lists don't seem to get the hate asking for cash does!

Your unwillingness to spend money to attend (if you would prefer not to go then decline - don't accept but then be bitter about it) seems to be colouring your opinion on what the gift should be.

Either don't give a gift (rude) or give to what they have said they will use it for. Don't give something you now know is unwanted.

Experiences are the best gifts anyway in the spirit of giving something they wouldn't have otherwise.

I would say this has been a thing for at least twenty years in the uk and very normal in some other cultures. Obviously folk have often already set up home together. Why am I going to buy a vase when they already have three? Better for it not to be a waste and let them have a nice holiday. Nobody is obligated though so you can get them a gift if you want.

I think it’s rude to ask for anything but seeing as they have, I’d save myself the bother of choosing something and give cash (I normally do anyway) probably slightly less generous than I would have been if they hadn’t mentioned it but still standard amount.

You haven't heard of giving money towards a honeymoon are you new to weddings or Mumsnet ?

Why is it rude, most couples live together they don't need gifts just putting the "gift money" towards a honeymoon is sensible and a nice treat, you don't have to though.

How on earth have you never heard of this before? Very normal.

One of the great things about Chinese weddings is that this is standard - you give an Ang Pow (red packet) containing money.

At our wedding (my DH is Chinese) we had a mixture of ang pows and traditional gifts - household items etc. That was 37 years ago and I think these days the practicality of a monetary gift has become widespread

All the weddings I've ever attended have asked for something though, be it from a registry or money? Why is the former seen as acceptable and the asking for money not?

People offer their preference via a registry or asking for money because they know people will ask what they want as a gift.