Wedding gift. What would you do?

[SunnyPlumOrca]

Need your thoughts.
We have been invited to a wedding but instead of giving a gift the bride and groom have asked for donations to their honeymoon.
We have never heard of this before and it strikes us as being very rude.
A wedding gift is usually a gift to help in the set up of their new life together, not to help go on holiday.
The wedding itself sounds as if it is a lavish affair and is going to be costly anyway for guests.
Am I being unreasonable to give them a gift that I want to give

Because you've got the people who 'couldn't turn up empty handed' and simply have to give something despite a clear instruction not to.

I cannot for the life of me understand why this is considered rude. It’s not compulsory, and if you were planning on buying a gift anyway, what difference does it make to give the approx value of that gift as cash towards something the couple actually want? I think it’s a lovely idea for the money to go towards the first holiday of married life. Even if it’s £5, everything helps.

I suppose there is an argument for people being afraid to be judged if they can only afford a small amount, and I do get that, but these days the prices of gifts can easily be found anyway, and who cares if they judge? People who care enough to invite you to their wedding shouldn’t and should understand the cost of attendance. If they’re ungrateful, you’ll know not to bother gifting them anything at future events! For some weddings I’ve attended, you can give cash gifts anonymously in a collection tin anyway.

Common but in bad taste and insensitive. We made no specific requests. Some people gave gifts, others money, others none. I did feel.sad at those who didn't even write a card as we had restricted gidts due to covid but would never have judged the absence of gifts. Asking for money is never ok IMO regardless of custom.

We did this. We'd already lived together for three years prior to getting married so didn't need any help "setting up" our life together, we'd already done it.

We had a note on the invite saying no gifts necessary, your presence is gift enough" but then had the option to give money either towards the honeymoon or we set up a registry for gifts that would be donated to people who'd actually need and use them for those who were more traditional and wanted to get something off the registry.

Yes this is the way to.do it - if you're asking for money it has to go with a note saying no gift necessary.

If you want to get them a gift, give them a receipt so they can take it back. They are literally saying ‘please don’t waste your money’.
So give them cash (think of it as paying for your meal if you want) or donate to charity in their name if you can think of a charity that is important to them.
You are meant to give gifts that people want, not what you want them to have. They have said what they want.

I and most of my friends got married around ten years ago and we all asked for/gifted money. Every wedding I've been to since then have asked for a monetary contribution. Everyone (bar one very religious couple) had been living together for years prior to getting married so had everything they needed.

We put our honeymoon money towards experiences on our honeymoon- dinner on the beach, sunset cruise, horse riding through the jungle. We appreciated that much more than 'stuff'.

Perfectly legitimate request ... most folk have their household goods sorted well before they get married (if, in fact, they bother to get married nowadays) and nobody wants duplicates of anything, just to have to find space to store them and act all 'delighted' at receiving something they probably didn't want / need.

This is so normal - we didn’t expect any of our guests to give us anything but should they wish to we provided a link for ‘donations’ if it were to a honeymoon - because we already have everything we need in our home

This has been common for a LONG time.

It's not rude and has been the norm for decades. Gifting money to the bride and groom has been a tradition in Italy for generations with guests giving envelopes containing cash "la busta" to the bride.
Ultimately, the goal is to support the couple, and guests are encouraged to give what they can afford and what is appropriate based on their relationship with the newlyweds.

Why is it rude? You have to spend money either way....and at least this way they get something that will be useful rather than potentially something that'll sit in the back of the cupboard never to see the light of day. As a guest I eiuld find it much less hassle to give a cash gift towards a honeymoon rather than having to rack my brain for a gift idea. Each to their own....

It’s very normal but it’s cringy if they do the whole poem thing

Thanks for all the replies.
We have decided on a voucher worth £150 for a well known department store.

Why though? That’s not what they asked for?!! Surely you want to give them something they actually want?

Why? They don’t need anything from that store. Why could you not give them £150 to their honeymoon? It’s clearly not the amount you are displeased at spending, just what they want to spend it on. That could get them a beautiful memorable special meal or day out or all sorts on their holiday. They don’t need nor want a new tea set. Giving them a voucher for your chosen department store when they’ve actually, essentially asked for vouchers towards their honeymoon is fucking weird.

You’re actually just being controlling.

Why? Why not do as they have asked?

Because it’s not really about or for the happy couple, is it? It’s what OP wants that matters!

But they don't want £150 worth of vouchers for a store. How on earth is that different to giving the same amount towards a honeymoon they DO actually want? Bizarre.
They'll probably do what a lot do with unwanted vouchers and sell them for less than the value and put the money towards what the actually want. I would.
It's so weirdly passive aggressive and stubborn.

I'd say 90% of the weddings I've attended have asked for money (some typen of honeymoon reference). While I have always found it a bit weird to announce what you want as a gift in an invite, i find asking for money to be less rude than asking for a specific item from a list.

Also I have given a gift when money has been asked. We knew exactly what our friend needed so we got it for her. Just because they ask fot money, doesn't mean that gifts are banned.

Don’t be a dick for the sake of being a dick.

Christ that’s awkward! Why on earth are you throwing your money away giving them a wedge for a place they don’t want??

Unusual? Do you generally live under a rock???

Never known anything different. This is not the Victorian ages. Most couples have lived together before marriage and don’t need a toaster. I’ve been giving cash in cards for 15 years

So purposefully doing the opposite. Rude. Why set yourself up for being a dick?

It's very normal, who needs 100s of toasters.