Wedding gift. What would you do?

[SunnyPlumOrca]

Need your thoughts.
We have been invited to a wedding but instead of giving a gift the bride and groom have asked for donations to their honeymoon.
We have never heard of this before and it strikes us as being very rude.
A wedding gift is usually a gift to help in the set up of their new life together, not to help go on holiday.
The wedding itself sounds as if it is a lavish affair and is going to be costly anyway for guests.
Am I being unreasonable to give them a gift that I want to give

No, OP would rather make a passive aggressive snide comment on their request, and give them something the don't want.

Just give them £150 cash in their card. Why would you give them a voucher for a department store when they clearly haven't asked for that!

100% Passive aggressive is exactly the term for what OP is being which is an extremely deranged way to give a gift.

It almost feels like they’re intentionally giving a larger sum but for the wrong thing, to prove a point. The couple would likely be much happier with £50 towards their honeymoon but this feels like a deliberate challenge. Super passive aggressive. Super fucking weird. No need for it besides OP’s control issues.

Why on earth do you want to gift something of your choice, that will most likely be unused?

Giving some money for honeymoon is very standard these days.

Why is that any better than £150 towards their honeymoon, like they want?

I remember going to weddings over 20 years ago with this honeymoon gift request! Really can't see an issue with it, (unless it comes with a twee poem). Makes it easy for the guests to give something they know the couple wants.

Why can’t you give them £150 towards their honeymoon? You are being a bit of a twat.

I second you being a twat for disregarding the newly weds wishes.

Why?

Think it's fairly normal. In our culture (Irish) cash in a card is definitely normal

Have you just not been to a wedding in the last 15-20 years? Because this is very much the norm.

But why would you do that @SunnyPlumOrca ? It’s not what they want! Why wouldn’t you give them the £150 inc ash towards their honeymoon?

This is very normal now!

@RampantIvy omg, brown nylon sheets?! I’m dying!

OP, that’s really passive aggressive. Why get a voucher for somewhere they may hate? Why couldn’t you just give what they requested? Assuming they already live together?

Last weddings I attended, they wanted cash, which I gave and the other didn’t specify, so I got them a bottle of Bollinger, which she promptly Instagrammed, so I think she liked it. She didn’t specify any particular gifts, they lived together and had a child already. No idea what the next one will want, they have 2 dc and aren’t very well off, so they’ll get what they request.

Why though??

Do you not like them or something?? Why not get them what they want?

It's more common these days because people have already set up home before the marriage.
When me and dh got married we had already lived together for 10 years and had one child.
I didn't ask for money or gift.
Most people put money in the card
A few brought gift like glass sets and a dinner set.

🤣🤣 You’re gonna look like a right wanker OP. Why on earth would you do that?!

yabu

just give them cash for their honeymoon

buying them a department store voucher is silly. It’ll cost you the same either way, whether it’s voucher or cash, but you’re just making sure that they can’t spend it on their honeymoon costs as they intended. Really weird and difficult behaviour on your part.

As well as you doing this PURELY to be annoying (you can’t have a deep desire to buy them a bloody store voucher that overrides their wishes), store vouchers are the worst idea for a gift, be it birthday, Christmas or wedding. Have all the insolvent stores taught us nothing? Millions of people have been left with worthless vouchers after the insolvency of multiple stores. Unless the time from purchase to spend is very short, that’s the risk you run handing over cash for a bit of paper/plastic.

People like this with their passive aggressive bullshit make me sick.
If you did that to me, I'd cut you out.

EDIT - I was on entirely the wrong thread. IGNORE!

To be fair, this really is passive aggressive, so could easily have been the right thread!

Oh I agree. On this thread the OP's behaviour is definitely pass-agg. But not on the the thread I thought I was on!

That’s a lot of money to spend on making a point. Have the replies on this thread not convinced you that you are being unreasonable?
Money towards a honeymoon makes total sense to me. They’ll cherish the memories and you’d be a part of that. Or you could fund more tat for their home that they don’t need.

If it were me I’d have happily got the honeymoon contribution as asked for - been doing that kind of gift for over 20 years now and I think it’s lovely, it’s what the couple most want.

But I don’t think an alternative gift of £150 JL vouchers is dreadful- I’d be happy with that as an alternative. It’s a generous amount and JL vouchers are v useful. I’m sure the same couple are still having birthday and Xmas presents that aren’t all honeymoon contributions too - it’s not likely to be the ONLY thing they want for the next couple of years. The couple will probably roll their eyes a little at the somewhat old-fashioned approach, but it’s not like the OP has lovingly chosen a piece of horrible large “art” or something inconvenient or useless. They can use the vouchers to save money buying Xmas or birthday presents for others, and put that money towards their honeymoon. Or buy new clothes for honeymoon. Or food from Waitrose as a nice meal for when they get back.

I do think it would have been far better to go with their request, but it’s not a gigantic insult to give someone £150 JL vouchers instead.