Devastated over not being invited on group holiday

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For several years now myself, my now ex-husband and 3 other couples have had a little tradition of going on a mini weekend away over the early May bank holiday. It’s always a lot of fun, a weekend where we get to go out late, eat lots, sunbathe and drink without the expectations of parenting.
In July my husband and I split and we are now getting divorced. Neither person actually did anything wrong, we just realised we weren’t happy in the marriage.
Today one of my friends very cautiously told me that they have decided that they don’t want to be seen as taking sides as we are both still there friends so it’s probably better if neither of us come this year. I have already said to the group that I wouldn’t mind going and my ex being there, we are co-parenting well etc. but apparently he doesn’t share that sentiment and thinks it would be odd in the context of a group couples trip. I understand this and I get why he doesn’t want us both to go. However I can’t help but feel like since it is him who doesn’t want us both to go that shouldn’t stop me going?
It’s really hurt me as I get so much joy out of this little group trip and these are my closest friends.

AIBU to be hurt I’m not invited?

Nonsense

you had shit flakey friends. The end

Also occurs to me that the friends may worry that whichever one came could well have a new relationship by then and want to bring them.

Nope, never found this at all after I split from my ex and was single/casually dating for more than 3 years. My female friends, married or single, were all great. I've heard this trope being bandied about by some women, but have never come across it myself.

But I was never over "friendly" with any of their husbands/partners/boyfriends either before or after I split from my ex. and always respectful of boundaries. And I didn't expect anyone to bend over backwards for me or treat me with kid gloves.

It's just awkward af because they used to be a couple in the couples holiday group and now they're not. The dynamic is now different, there may well upsets, naturally difficult feelings and no divorce is EVER just smooth sailing. The couples group who are spending their hard earned money on a lovely relaxing and fun couples holiday aren't a therapy group for newly single soon to be divorcees and don't want to be.

Plenty of time to do stuff with their newly single friend that doesn't make their well earned holiday a bit more shit, difficult, or awkward in any way. Couples holidays are for couples.

No need to look deeper than that.

It literally is the plot of Four Seasons then!

Maybe the group have watched that and want to stave off the horror of either of them bringing an annoying 28 year old on future group holidays!

Yes, now that would be really awkward, and I think OP would know what it meant to be "devastated" if they invited his new girlfriend along on the holiday. So much better that neither of them attends this yeaer.

Just go somewhere on your own.

4 couples on holiday sounds hellish to me, but you surely can see that you going on a couples holiday on your own or as part of a split couple when you ex isn’t on board does change the dynamic of the holiday and make the others uncomfortable with upsetting your ex?

Right, both the new version and the old movie version it was based off. Now that would really be awkward.

I voted YABU I m afraid .This is a specific trip with couples .If they invited you alone it would be awkward I think .ditto if ex came along when you had been a happy couple previously .Its hard but this is the reality of Divorce .If you get another partner then u will have their friends .I would look for new chums I think

To be fair affairs happen for lots of different reasons. I've know all my friends husbands, I have also heard my friends moan about their husbands and wouldn't touch them with a barge pole other than a friendly hug or kiss on the cheek. If other women feel threatened by me then they really don't know me given my marriage ended because my husband was in love with someone else and I absolutely could not do that to another woman.

I think the group are trying to be “fair”.

Could you agree with ex that one of you will go one year the other the following year?

I agree with him you both being there together is weird for everyone.

Friendships change in divorce OP. It’s not nice or necessarily fair, but it’s life.

It doesn't sound like that would work, because everyone except OP thinks it would be undesirable for a single person to go on a couples trip.

Yeah fair enough I suppose. I don’t know why a single person couldn’t go on a couples trip personally. But then again I’m not going!

On a separate note, I do think it’s good to have single friends when you’re single yourself. They seem to have a bit more availability to go and do fun things.

And here's why "friendship groups" are horrible. Stop seeing them as a group and see them as a collection of people who are your friends. If you still want to be friends with any of them after this. (I wouldn't, they're pathetic)

Some people really are ridiculous. It's hive mind and I would start focusing on people as individuals.

As for a "couples' trip", is anyone allowed to do something individually on these trips or do they have to do everything as a couple? It sounds smothery and twee.

So sorry OP they're awful.

This was one of the worst things about divorce. I gave up after a few months, and joined other social groups, one of which was a fell walking club. Ex decided to join the same group, I protested, so he said he would only go on the walks I didn't attend, but he joined with some of his lady friends (teachers at the same school as him) who did go on the same walks as me, and tried to harass me for some reason, insisting on walking with me and complaining that I wasn't being friendly! It was bizarre, at one point, on an occasion where we had a dinner at a hotel after the walk which included the use of a spa and showers, I was in a changing room trying to remain pleasant and sociable with a woman who had been one of his sexual partners while we were married. I felt as though I had been dropped into the plot of a novel, and did wonder about writing one myself, but found I was too busy with having a lovely life after divorce 🤣

This was a couples holiday. You aren’t in a couple anymore and your friends can’t been seen to be taking sides. It’s disappointing op I get that as I’m a divorcee and lost friends during the split with my exh. But you have to just accept that some things are going to change now.

You can’t expect to go on a couples holiday when you’re not part of a couple. Someone from each couple would have to take time away from their partner to spend time with you. I get it. I’m single. I don’t get invited to things that revolve around couples. It’s fine! I just arrange women only events which are great fun. You’ve probably never had to think about how single women are treated socially before. I guess it can be a bit of an eye opener if you’ve always been part of a couple. But honestly, you can’t expect to go on a couple holiday.

I said that it’s the other way round - it’s the men sniffing around the single woman. Slow down and read properly.

Why would it be automatic that either would not everything is about sex, they could be all swingers for all we know but none of us knows anyone's intentions

This is SUCH a weird (and gross) attitude. Bizarre.

Personally, I don't give a shiny shit if my friends are single, coupled, married, divorced... what matters to me is that they are my mates.

I love to hang out with them - either one on one or with others, significant or not - and I want to be there for them when the times are good and also when the chips are down. That's life and that's what friends are for.

You need to make friends with women who are now single and have trips with them.
A single person on a couple's rip would be weird for many people.

why??

Exactly.

It’s always an eye-opener when formerly marrieds find out how their solo friends have been treated all these years.

Everyone thinks “that will never be me…” until suddenly it is.

Maybe people should stop treating each other like that then? Not least because it's ridiculous.

Er
The married man is the one to blame 😆

It’s a couple’s holiday. You’re not in a couple anymore. You will find ,as a single woman, the invitations will dry up.