Devastated over not being invited on group holiday

[Findmrcrumble]

For several years now myself, my now ex-husband and 3 other couples have had a little tradition of going on a mini weekend away over the early May bank holiday. It’s always a lot of fun, a weekend where we get to go out late, eat lots, sunbathe and drink without the expectations of parenting.
In July my husband and I split and we are now getting divorced. Neither person actually did anything wrong, we just realised we weren’t happy in the marriage.
Today one of my friends very cautiously told me that they have decided that they don’t want to be seen as taking sides as we are both still there friends so it’s probably better if neither of us come this year. I have already said to the group that I wouldn’t mind going and my ex being there, we are co-parenting well etc. but apparently he doesn’t share that sentiment and thinks it would be odd in the context of a group couples trip. I understand this and I get why he doesn’t want us both to go. However I can’t help but feel like since it is him who doesn’t want us both to go that shouldn’t stop me going?
It’s really hurt me as I get so much joy out of this little group trip and these are my closest friends.

AIBU to be hurt I’m not invited?

Then you are not following the thread of what I was responding to.

Someone said "If not this year, he’ll be there next year with his new girlfriend. That’s how it always goes."

And the pp replied that that would be fine as it's a "couple's holiday". So random woman you don't know = great: But your actual friend who you usually invite= not welcome.

I don’t find this, we were faithful to both our friends post divorce, as posted earlier. And everyone I know does this. But I do feel it sad this has happened to people. But I do suspect that’s about how good the friendship was in the first place. Many women don’t prioritise friends, but their children, meaning when divorce happens their friendships are not strong enough to carry them through.

Unfortunately this is par for the course with divorce, people you thought were friends quickly drop you especially couples. I actually moved partly because that meant a fresh start rather than the social media posts of the things you no longer got invited to (obviously still not going but seeing posts is less hurtful)

but it's not random people

it's a group of existing friends with a tradition of couple holidays, organising another couple holiday, and who -rightly - don't want to pick one half of a divorced couple over the other. How is that baffling?

Maybe it's a bit selfish, they - maybe - don't want to ruin their holiday with dealing with a broken heart post-divorce either, who knows. Couldn't blame them either way.

Devastated? Stop being so dramatic and grow up.

I think that’s why the poster is baffled, she appears to think they are approaching and inviting random people to go on holiday with them, or that anyone even does that, rather than a single friend. If I thought that I’d also be baffled.

@Frenchfrychic .

But the issue isn’t having a single person on a holiday with a group that has always been made up of several couples, it’s the fact that the group is equally friends with both people in the former couple, one of the divorced couple has said she’s happy to attend if he’s there, but the other has said not, and the group doesn’t want to choose one over the other, for this specific holiday. They’re not ditching the OP as a friend, they just want a peaceful holiday this year.

But it could be the thin end of the wedge. What about when they both get new partners? What then?

who knows? The couple only split up in July, that's not even 6 months ago. Things will settle and become clearer. These things work out organically.

puppymaddness

And the pp replied that that would be fine as it's a "couple's holiday". So random woman you don't know = great: But your actual friend who you usually invite= not welcome.

Hardly random, it's his hypothetical new partner? Not sure why all the focus is on his new partner, maybe she'll go with her new partner? And maybe the group will have got to know their hypothetical new partners before they go on this hypothetical future holiday and will be friends with them also?

OP and her ex haven't been told they aren't invited because it's a 'couple's holiday' but because the group want to try to stay impartial.

your actual friend who you usually invite= not welcome

Neither of their actual friends are invited this time

@GuyForksAndKnives

But it could be the thin end of the wedge. What about when they both get new partners? What then?

Well that would be up to them and a whole new thread

Gosh how horrible. It sounds like if it’s a couples holiday it would just be really awkward having you there as not a couple. You can see they don’t want to take sides. How sad.

It's just life. I sympathise but it is what it is. It's a couple's weekend away.

Pointless bump of zombie thread. @Nogimachi . Just why?