Devastated over not being invited on group holiday

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For several years now myself, my now ex-husband and 3 other couples have had a little tradition of going on a mini weekend away over the early May bank holiday. It’s always a lot of fun, a weekend where we get to go out late, eat lots, sunbathe and drink without the expectations of parenting.
In July my husband and I split and we are now getting divorced. Neither person actually did anything wrong, we just realised we weren’t happy in the marriage.
Today one of my friends very cautiously told me that they have decided that they don’t want to be seen as taking sides as we are both still there friends so it’s probably better if neither of us come this year. I have already said to the group that I wouldn’t mind going and my ex being there, we are co-parenting well etc. but apparently he doesn’t share that sentiment and thinks it would be odd in the context of a group couples trip. I understand this and I get why he doesn’t want us both to go. However I can’t help but feel like since it is him who doesn’t want us both to go that shouldn’t stop me going?
It’s really hurt me as I get so much joy out of this little group trip and these are my closest friends.

AIBU to be hurt I’m not invited?

You and your ex are clearly not on the same page just 4 months into the split as you think it would be fine to both go on a couples holiday and he doesn't. It's pretty soon for a friendship group to get their heads around how to be friends with both of you when the group was based on you all being couples. Be gracious, nurture your friendships on a single basis and accept that, for now, the couples holiday seems daunting and awkward for your friends given that you and your ex are not on the same page.

The single woman will either steal the husband or encourage the other women to LTB.

Time to make new traditions and new memories....maybe suggest ladies only trip if they feel awkward without your partner. They've made their mind up and you will have to accept it and think of plan B..

Why can’t you take turns? You go this year & he goes next? That seems fair enough to me. I’d like to think my friends would want to support me though a hard time & include me where they can.

People take sides, either by their actions or inaction. It seems your friends have chosen, even though they claim they haven't. Time to find a new group and arrange your own May holiday.

Op kindly, this dynamic is no longer going to work in terms of the group trip. They won’t want to be in an awkward holiday with you and your ex and it wouldn’t work if you were on your own if it’s a couples holiday.
I’d start a new tradition and ask the women to book a girls weekend or arrange a trip with another group of friends

Single women get left out a lot, sometimes because they’re seen as a husband-stealing threat to the married women in the group.

funny how this only seems to apply to newly divorced, not to actual single women 😂

If people are seriously claiming that the OP is not invited because her friends think she will steal their husbands or encourage their wives to leave then they are obviously NOT her friends at all. 🙄It IS awkward and uncomfortable when a couple in a friendship group split and they are not on the same page and they don't know how it will pan out. It's only been 4 months. The friends want to go on holiday, not have to engage in a mediation process.

Why are so many people insisting that the OP's friendship with these people is over just because they don't want them on the group trip? I would agree with that if they had invited her ex instead of her, but they haven't, so they haven't taken sides. People are always so cynical and negative on this site, and see the worst of every situation.
OP, YANBU to feel bad, but I also don't think your friends have done anything wrong. I second the person who says to try to arrange something with the women.

How have they been outside of arranging this holiday? I mean, have you still seen them as much as you would have before, or do you feel like they are generally pulling away?

If I still felt like we were friends, then while I’d be disappointed I would understand where they were coming from with the holiday. If I felt like they were distancing themselves in other ways as well, then they aren’t good friends anyway.

@Joliefolie , they consciously think it, but it's sort of there - like you were half of 'Dave & Becky' not 'Dave' and 'Becky'.

Why be such a downer when the OP is already feeling bad? You say 'sorry' but you are actually being a Job's comforter. Just because they don't want either the OP or her ex on this holiday doesn't mean they've dropped her.

I’ve been there I’m afraid. As much as it hurts, and that’s ok, they are not being unreasonable. It’s hard to see that now, but it is for the best.

at my lowest point following my separation my (extremely unemotional) mum decided to put her arm around me and say ‘just to let you know, you are going to lose friends as well. The women will be worried about you having an affair with their husband, the men will be worried their wives will see how great being single is’

as much as that hurt at the time, I made a great group of new friends who I started new traditions/holidays with.

I also started getting left out of school events (someone’s parents having a bbq and inviting the other couples from school).

the best thing I ever did was go out and make a new life.

if you are going to carry on meeting the women, make sure you don’t end up the dumping ground for their marital problems. You don’t want to be living your best life and then only meeting up with them when they want a moan

@AliceMaforethought , it's because we have been there.
Also, men have a habit of assuming that you're up for it if you're single. Not all of them, but one or two will start sniffing.

I think it's ok that they've chosen not to take sides given the way you got to know them - I get that it's upsetting though. At least they're not inviting him and excluding you.

That’s a shame but I’m afraid it’s just a casualty of the divorce. Totally understandable to be upset. Totally understandable for them not to invite you.

You've been there with your particular group of friends. Why assume that your personal experience is universal?

Have you told them exactly how you feel OP? I’d be letting them know so they don’t leave you out of anything else. I think it seems harsh - what would they do if the OP had been widowed?!

There is no way that I can imagine any friends of a couple would want both of a divorcing couple present on a holiday, whatever past arrangements were. So your idea was probably never realistic. And if it is a couples' holiday they won't want just one of you there either. It is one of the penalties of splitting up. Sorry.

If you think you were excluded because your friends thought you would steal their partners then obviously they weren't friends at all. You will have been in situations when you were in a relationship and a female friend split from a partner. Did you seriously worry that your friend was going to steal your partner now she was single? Really?

This sounds like the plot of Four Seasons

@AliceMaforethought , because it is not just me saying it.
If a woman is widowed it happens, if a man is widowed it doesn't.
At least OP is on good terms with her ex.

My friends weren't shit, it's what happens.
I can't see why I'm being challenged about it.

It's already causing conflict and that's just discussing either neither of you going or one of you going. It would cause so much tension across the group and totally change the dynamic for the other couples. It's the right call that neither of you go.

It’s a couples holiday and you and your ex are no longer a couple so neither of you are invited, that seems perfectly reasonable to me.

It will change the whole dynamic of the holiday if there are three couples plus a single person, one of the couples will get stuck with you as you can’t leave a single person on their own. There’s a crowd and all that.

Nobody wants to spend a weekend away in the middle of someone else's divorce. It's all too fresh. Wait until the divorce is finalised and the dust has settled before you risk a weekend away. It's going well so far but it could turn nasty yet.