Young ‘uncle’ (close family friend), 60s, has two grown up children of his own.
Came round for dinner about 6 months ago. Two year old comes home from 10 hour day at nursery. Wants attention from me. I read her a book.
Showing uncle something on youtube. Two year old wants to watch peppa pig. No tantrums, just a bit of whining.
Uncle makes small comment about ‘setting’ boundaries.
DH takes DD upstairs for bath. DD cries.
Uncle says that when she’s acting out like this we should ignore her because she’s manipulating us.
I say yes ok.
Day later uncle sends a text saying ‘hope I didn’t speak out of turn. But you need to set boundaries, don’t let her rule over you’
Week later uncle sends a parenting book in the post; doesn’t even pay enough postage so we have to go to the post office, pay the £1 or whatever it was, come home to find he’s sent us a parenting book.
Month or so later uncle sends another text. “Watching a little girl DDs age at the station. Parents looking exhausted.”
So on every month or so. Can’t remember all the texts. most recent one says “Remember! don’t let the tail wag the dog”.
Since it’s an uncle, I haven’t said anything out of respect. Just ‘ok, thank you. Thank you, yes that makes sense’
But it’s now eating away at me. Essentially he’s saying my kid is spoilt. I am NOT confrontational and wouldn’t/ couldn’t say anything to him. Even if I tried I think I would just make an arse of myself/ get upset/ cry.
Seeing him for the first time since the original comment next week, in a family setting. No doubt he will bring it up. I’m so upset about it I’ve hired a babysitter and won’t be bringing the kids.
What would you say/ how would you approach it? Bear in mind the more confrontational you are with him the more it will strengthen his view, it will essentially be pointless to say something against his viewpoint.