DH wants to leave his family to go out with his mum on Christmas day.

[Pollyxplummer]

EDIT - MISTAKE IN TITLE, HIS MUM, NOT HIS MIL

Long story short, MIL has fallen out with her daughter who she used to spend a lot of time with.
Since then, she's been spending a lot of time with DH, meeting up with him and suchlike but she also rings him several times a day. She's newly retired and sadly lost her husband two years ago
This Christmas I am hosting for my family, there are 12 of us and I am cooking a big dinner. MIL is 100% welcome to come if she wants to and this has been made clear to her. She also has two other sons and their families she could go to, and also probably her daughter still
Instead of taking up any of these options, she's asked DH to come out for lunch with her, just the two of them and he's said yes.
DH doesn't understand what my problem is, he says he's still spending Christmas morning with us and is only popping out for a couple of hours then coming back. I can't understand why he would choose to go and hang out with his mother for 2 hours at Christmas instead of eating the food I've cooked at home with his wife and two children and his in-laws, with whom he gets on very well, and why he's just run straight there when she's crooked her finger instead of telling her to stop being silly and go eat with someone or stay on her own if she doesn't want to.
I should add - as this is important - the entire family are all going round to hers on boxing day and having a Christmas dinner then too, so she still gets to see everyone. We tend to alternate between in-laws and she hosted Christmas day last year and we all went.
AIBU? Should I just suck it up? Or would you be upset?

Nowhere at all does it suggest the OP doesn't like her MIL, what a weird take.

It's not just meeting up though it is. He's planning to go out to Christmas Day Lunch and leave his wife at home to have hers with her parents and his children while they have Christmas lunch which by the way is a proper family bit. Meeting up for a coffee or a walk at some point in the day is totally different from skipping a family even like Christmas day lunch cooked by your wife.

He could spend time with his mum if she came to the dinner at their house. Plus it doesn’t sound like he rarely gets to see his mum.

yanbu

I would not be happy

DingDongJingle

I personally wouldn’t like to sit through a Christmas dinner with someone else’s family, I’d feel like a spare. Yes possibly different if he sees his mum a lot (but I’m still stubbornly thinking how nice it would be for them both to have seen their families Christmas Day and for him to have had time with his mum. I don’t see my mum a lot so it is irrational!!)

Lol. Nooooo

I do understand that. However she's being incredibly selfish taking him away from you, the kids & in-laws on CD in this way.

What I don't understand is your 'D'H agreeing to it.

it's YOUR families 'turn' to have your family for CD.

it would NOT be happening here.

& she'd be losing my compassion, support & goodwill.

aCatCalledFawkes

she gets to be with her family though, it’s only a big deal if they make it one for example to the kids who will have had the early morning fun then daddy’s nipping out with granny for a while. I just think it’s in the spirit of Christmas but as I said I don’t see mum enough so it’s just my opinion (which is stubborn and irrational!!)

She'll dump him for her daughter nearer the time anyway, bet you 50p.

I don’t see the problem. 2 hours on Christmas Day? I used to work 8-3pm on Christmas Day and both my sons usually do now.

My kids also say that the dinner is the best part of the day. They’d genuinely be gutted if their dad fucked off out for Christmas dinner.

Nah not on. It was her turn last year and you didn't flake on that to go to your family.

I'd be raging.

He’s not working though. He’s leaving his wife at home to cook/host Christmas dinner while he opts out to go and eat with his mum.

You married a mummy's boy.

It's only curable once she has died.

Yes, I did read the OP.

What’s the problem exactly?

What kind of a weirdo is happy to take her son away from his kids and wife so they can have alone time on Christmas day. And what kind of an idiot agrees. And to those saying why begrudge them some time need to get a grip on the stupidity of the request.

Does your DH not think it would be terribly rude of him to sack off his in-laws to see his mother, given that he will spend the entirety of Christmas Day with his mum next year as well as Boxing Day this year?

Does he not think it's rude for him to leave his wife and children on Christmas Day, given that his mum has been invited and could easily join you at yours? What's his reason for why that's not the best option?

If it's because mummy will throw a bigger tantrum than wifey then I'd suggest limbering up your am dram skills. Some men will always take the option they think is easiest for them.

I'd tell him that won't be happening: He will not be dumping you with hosting everyone, cooking and cleaning for everyone, and managing your children so he can swan off with his mother, who was invited to come, on Christmas Day. If he really thinks that's where his priorities lie, then he can take his bags with him when he leaves and move in with his mother.

How old are the children? If they are young then I also see this as him getting to avoid the chaos and noise of Christmas day and swanning off to have a civilised adult lunch which is probably why he doesn't see the problem. It sounds like even if she didn't want to have Christmas day at yours (as it's not even her turn anyway) she sees you all boxing day so should be reminded of this by him. It's kind of you to offer her to come over Christmas day in addition to boxing day where she sees you all.

Exactly what I put in my post.

How do you children feel about this? I can't begin to imagine my father disappearing while the rest of us had Christmas dinner. And I can't imagine how my own children would have felt if their dad had left us to have Christmas dinners without him.

Wtaf. Have you asked him what he’s going to tell his kids and your family about binning off Christmas dinner with them? Absolutely ridiculous carry on.

He’d rather upset you than her, time for that to change.

I'd tell him if he goes then he may as well pack a bag and stay there.

If you were refusing to host her, I'd understand him not wanting to leave her alone-but you're welcoming her, so there's no reason for him to do this! I'd never leave my husband and children alone to take my mum out to lunch. We're all the same family, so should have Christmas lunch together.

no wonder her daughter fell out with her, she sounds like a complete witch.