DH wants to leave his family to go out with his mum on Christmas day.

[Pollyxplummer]

EDIT - MISTAKE IN TITLE, HIS MUM, NOT HIS MIL

Long story short, MIL has fallen out with her daughter who she used to spend a lot of time with.
Since then, she's been spending a lot of time with DH, meeting up with him and suchlike but she also rings him several times a day. She's newly retired and sadly lost her husband two years ago
This Christmas I am hosting for my family, there are 12 of us and I am cooking a big dinner. MIL is 100% welcome to come if she wants to and this has been made clear to her. She also has two other sons and their families she could go to, and also probably her daughter still
Instead of taking up any of these options, she's asked DH to come out for lunch with her, just the two of them and he's said yes.
DH doesn't understand what my problem is, he says he's still spending Christmas morning with us and is only popping out for a couple of hours then coming back. I can't understand why he would choose to go and hang out with his mother for 2 hours at Christmas instead of eating the food I've cooked at home with his wife and two children and his in-laws, with whom he gets on very well, and why he's just run straight there when she's crooked her finger instead of telling her to stop being silly and go eat with someone or stay on her own if she doesn't want to.
I should add - as this is important - the entire family are all going round to hers on boxing day and having a Christmas dinner then too, so she still gets to see everyone. We tend to alternate between in-laws and she hosted Christmas day last year and we all went.
AIBU? Should I just suck it up? Or would you be upset?

What a load of rubbish. You have mixed OP up with another poster. The children are OP's and her DH's children and MIL is their grandmother. Get your facts right before you start slandering the OP.

No I’m suggesting he will call into his mother for a while and his girlfriend for a while too.

Oh don’t be ridiculous!

It’s his mother and he obviously thinks she needs this time with him. I think I’d agree that he go this year, but I’d draw the line at one time only.

Hope it works out @Pollyxplummer x

Batshit.

Do you not? Really?

I made another comment if you'd like to quote that too...

Just in case anyone is interested in the outcome of this, DH has cancelled lunch with his mum

I found out it never even came from her. He felt sorry for her being on her own and felt like being some gallant hero on a white charger or some shit and offered to take her out on Christmas day. And here's the kicker - she told him to say with his family!!

But he said it's fine, he doesn't want her to be alone, so he'll take her out and I'll be fine. I highly suspect he's enjoying being the new favourite child a little bit too much.

When I found this out I kind of lost my shit at him, threw a huge tantrum and he cancelled her.

Feel bad now for thinking it was all MIL's fault, even though I didn't mention it to her. Will get her an extra Christmas present. And she's obviously still welcome here.

Thanks all for the replies x

God OP, it tells you something about how he views you - and the children... :-(

I think he just acts on bloody impulse all the time and then can't back out f stupid situations he didn't think through.

I'm still pissed at him though and he will know that for the next couple of days at least. It's very rare that I get angry at him so he will know this is a big deal for me.

So has he ever actually extended the invitation for her to join you?

Sorry I know it’s been a ridiculously stressful couple of weeks for you but I burst out laughing at this update, what a complete twit. He deserves your anger.

So this was very much a DH problem…

I’d like to know how you were left with the impression that he’d been thoughtlessly summoned by MIL for Xmas Day, when all along it’d been him intending to give your enormous lunch a wide berth.
Did he actually state that she had asked him?
The two scenarios differ greatly, as far as your own family Christmas is concerned, and if he has outright lied about it, I’d be more than just miffed.

I reckon he'll do whatever he can to get out of hosting christmas day! I do hope he invites his mother and actually helps you!!

I can't imagine ever asking my child to leave their partner ,spouse and children to come to me. How selfish

Edit for the update !

Well done mil...back in good books ..she told him to go to his family

OMG, he wanted to ditch his family.
Well doesn't that just tell you everything.

OP, fyi, you often read on MN posts from people writing about how much their mother tolerated from their father and how as adults they blame their mother.

He reads as a covert narcissist.
It is NOT normal to want to ditch your own family for your mother.

Pure narcissistic ego.

I'm glad you lost your shit, but honestly you need to have a real hard look at him.

You didn't spend Christmas with your own mother after your dad died, which is also unbelievable.

Now your husband offered to ditch his family.
I think you have very poor boundaries, you have an ego driven narcissist as a husband, and I really feel sorry for your children in all of this.

Wake up to him, not a good man and your children and you deserve so much better.

I’m glad he’s changed his mind and hopefully he will think a big more before volunteering something g like that. I agree that it sounds like impulse and enjoying being in favour rather than dismissing you and the dc.

Re the update, is he a people pleaser who ends up just annoying people.

Thanks for the update OP

Oh OP, your DH has been a bit of a twat.

Invite MIL again.

Perhaps she doesn't want to accept a invite given out of pity because she's on her own. Maybe she doesn't want to be a tolerated extra on your family get together.
If she said something similar to your hubby he may have felt guilty but she probably didn't say it hoping for him to spend Christmas day with her. Just getting her loneliness off her chest and he felt he had to do something hence her telling him to spend it with his family. He's hardly going to confide any of this to you given your attitude and lack of empathy. I certainly wouldn't get your MIL an extra present - can't believe you're actually that shallow.

I hope you’re ok OP. It must be a real shock to see where your husbands priorities lie. What the hell was he thinking.

Nice to know that MIL is a good egg.

Have you even acknowledged that MIL may be struggling since retiring especially as shes on her own now?
Why else would she call her son several times a day?
Is it always all about you?
Can't believe the replies your getting to your update either.
If a women came on here saying her husband was still being angry with her for the sake of it after something had been sorted he'd be called abusive.
But that's mumsnet double standards for you!

Dont be ridiculous. Its about MIL - It is a thoughtless husband issue.