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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

lost friend of 17 years over loan

262 replies

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 13:19

My closest friend from 17 years borrowed money from me 2 years ago, close to 10k, i didnt ask her much about the particulars and i trusted her when she said she would return it 6 months later. 18 months went by, i needed the money as i was going through custody issues with my daughter and had taken out credit cards to pay for solicitors, plus i got a new job and my pay dropped significantly. She did not talk about paying me back i bought it up with her a few weeks ago, the first time we spoke, she gave me a plan that she was goign to sell her house and look for a job abroad (i found this odd but didnt question), then her circumstances changed, she got pregnant and told me she didnt know when she could pay me back, and didnt have a plan and couldnt even offer a monthly repayment plan. My mum was aware and called her to gently ask her what was going on and she gave my mum more random excuses. She then called me to tell me my mum had spoken to her and i wasnt sure why she was telling me because there was still no plan. I got very upset as she told me i was not allowed to discuss with anyone (our families are old friends) and she would not involve her husband or family as she didnt want to cause them stress. She asked me to ask my mum not to discuss with her family either. I felt betrayed as she had watched me suffer due to getting into abusive relationships and be expolited and felt she was treating me the same. She told me that was my 'perception' and i had to tell her i didnt want to talk until she had a plan.

A week later, her mum repaid the loan (surprisingly) and told me i has caused her too much stress and she was bleeding as a result and asked me not to contact her again. my friend blocked me on all social media and then i found out her daughter had unfriended my daughter online (these girls are aged 7 and 8). This hurt the most as i felt it was petty and unnecessary.

Was i wrong to ask her for a plan about repayment?

OP posts:
CosySeason · 07/11/2025 20:39

I would reply to her mum that you gave her that money in good faith as a temporary loan, not for her to steal and lie.

herbaltincture · 07/11/2025 20:44

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 16:04

her mum paid me back and asked me not to contact her daughter ever again because i had caused problems in her pregnancy

I'm so glad you got your money back. It's sad they needed to serve up a big and unwarranted dose of blaming and deflection in the process. She's not in the wrong for not repaying the loan, you're in the wrong for wanting it back!

Ijustwaited · 08/11/2025 05:27

I’m surprised you had £10k so readily available
when clearly you had very little by way of savings to then be in such a difficult financial situation not long after

You are a single parent with no financial safety net it would seem. Focus squarely on your child and you. Nothing more nothing less. Channel money in to savings for them and your future security.

it really is that simple. Don’t lend a dime to anyone. As all you’re doing is depriving yourself and your child.

when you’re a multi millionaire, and you and your child have a water tight safety net…. Then consider helping others (but NOT before consulting your financially literate family!)

Loui80 · 08/11/2025 18:05

Been through this with a family member who didn’t pay what they said each month and bought themselves a new car and other expensive items.
when I asked for the plan as you did she became aggressive and played the victim like I’d wronged her even though I’d only tried to help and her family told me it was my fault for lending her it in the first place!!
you’re better off without her

CommonAsMucklowe · 08/11/2025 18:10

Don't shed a tear over the loss of that 'friend'. She wasn't.

Laura95167 · 08/11/2025 18:19

The trash took itself out

In her hour of money you gave her a large amount of money and she tried to avoid repaying it and controlling the narative. Its sad but she isnt your friend

Walkaround · 08/11/2025 18:27

What an awful woman. Why would you want to stay in touch with her?

Cocopops22 · 08/11/2025 18:28

Always the case so called friends quick to take and want to make out like you are the bad one when they give it back.Tell her to do one but at least you got it back! Xx

tommyhoundmum · 08/11/2025 18:29

I wonder why she didn't borrow from her mother in the first place.

BagelandEggs · 08/11/2025 18:34

She didn't want to tell her mum who has now had to bail her out and the mum is also taking it out on you because it doesn't reflect well on her daughter or family I guess. How dare she accuse you of causing problems in the pregnancy when they owed you money! It shows that they are horrible people who saw you as a soft touch. You have been very kind and understanding and are far better off without them. Start to work on boundaries where you are still kind but not taken advantage of. Good luck!

Walkaround · 08/11/2025 18:35

What an awful woman. Why would you want to stay in touch with her?

Cat1504 · 08/11/2025 18:37

She was never your friend…you were just a mug to her….why are 7 year olds on social media ?

Wildefish · 08/11/2025 18:44

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 13:19

My closest friend from 17 years borrowed money from me 2 years ago, close to 10k, i didnt ask her much about the particulars and i trusted her when she said she would return it 6 months later. 18 months went by, i needed the money as i was going through custody issues with my daughter and had taken out credit cards to pay for solicitors, plus i got a new job and my pay dropped significantly. She did not talk about paying me back i bought it up with her a few weeks ago, the first time we spoke, she gave me a plan that she was goign to sell her house and look for a job abroad (i found this odd but didnt question), then her circumstances changed, she got pregnant and told me she didnt know when she could pay me back, and didnt have a plan and couldnt even offer a monthly repayment plan. My mum was aware and called her to gently ask her what was going on and she gave my mum more random excuses. She then called me to tell me my mum had spoken to her and i wasnt sure why she was telling me because there was still no plan. I got very upset as she told me i was not allowed to discuss with anyone (our families are old friends) and she would not involve her husband or family as she didnt want to cause them stress. She asked me to ask my mum not to discuss with her family either. I felt betrayed as she had watched me suffer due to getting into abusive relationships and be expolited and felt she was treating me the same. She told me that was my 'perception' and i had to tell her i didnt want to talk until she had a plan.

A week later, her mum repaid the loan (surprisingly) and told me i has caused her too much stress and she was bleeding as a result and asked me not to contact her again. my friend blocked me on all social media and then i found out her daughter had unfriended my daughter online (these girls are aged 7 and 8). This hurt the most as i felt it was petty and unnecessary.

Was i wrong to ask her for a plan about repayment?

The old saying “no good turn goes unpunished “. She is blocking you because she knows she’s in the wrong. It’s a shame about the girls but probably for the best in the long run. This was not your fault. .

OnlyOnAFriday · 08/11/2025 18:45

Just be glad you got your money back. She was no friend to you.

TheAquaTraybake · 08/11/2025 18:51

Well done to her mum for paying you back. TBH It was probably only because there's so many people involved and she probably thought she was saving face for the family whilst making a point about 'bleeding' her or whatever.

This was probably the best outcome you could have really. I'm sorry.

Starlight7080 · 08/11/2025 18:55

SriouslyWhutNow · 07/11/2025 13:32

Your 7 or 8 year old shouldn’t have any social media where she can be unfriended. She is far too young and all sm platforms that I know of have a minimum age of 13. Focus on parenting your child and getting your DD off sm next and bugger this non-friend.

This exactly!

TessSaysYes · 08/11/2025 18:58

Can you go and see a solicitor? The amount is too much to just let it go

Buffs · 08/11/2025 19:12

She was in the wrong and then blamed you. You are well rid of her.

HereWeGo1234 · 08/11/2025 19:14

You have done NOTHING wrong.

Your ‘friend’ has abused your kindness and her mother is probably embarrassed by her daughter’s behaviour and has paid you back to reduce the shame of it.

chalk it down to experience.

MerryUmberHedgehog · 08/11/2025 19:18

Lesson here is dont lend friends money. Youve got money back. Honestly you are better off without such a person in your life.

Missingpop · 08/11/2025 19:27

Sorry love but with friends like that you don’t need any enemies; life’s one golden rule should always be never loan money to family & friends it always causes trouble when they don’t pay it back.
cut your loses & move on you don’t need people like that in your life as for causing her to bleed in her pregnancy that’s just a guilt trip technique on her bitter old twisted mother part take no notice it’s total bollox

Jasperis · 08/11/2025 19:28

How evil to rewrite the narrative as though you've somehow abused her and she's the victim. The facts stand. She borrowed and promised to pay it back, then didn't.

Skybluepinky · 08/11/2025 19:29

Definitely her loss, ignore the comments about her bleeding, you don’t need hanger oners.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 08/11/2025 19:34

YANBU

You've lost out on around £800 in interest that money could have earned you whilst she had it. The interest rates were really good then for savings.

Glad you've got it back. Let this be a lesson to you - never lend out money you cannot afford to lose.

oldmoaner · 08/11/2025 19:37

I was always told: never borrow, never lend, if you want to keep a friend. It's true, but if you think you can trust someone and they ask it's easy to get a situation like you had. Glad you got your money back and if her mother has repaid you why didn't she ask her mother to start with? Answer - because she never intended paying it back!