lost friend of 17 years over loan

[uk1990]

My closest friend from 17 years borrowed money from me 2 years ago, close to 10k, i didnt ask her much about the particulars and i trusted her when she said she would return it 6 months later. 18 months went by, i needed the money as i was going through custody issues with my daughter and had taken out credit cards to pay for solicitors, plus i got a new job and my pay dropped significantly. She did not talk about paying me back i bought it up with her a few weeks ago, the first time we spoke, she gave me a plan that she was goign to sell her house and look for a job abroad (i found this odd but didnt question), then her circumstances changed, she got pregnant and told me she didnt know when she could pay me back, and didnt have a plan and couldnt even offer a monthly repayment plan. My mum was aware and called her to gently ask her what was going on and she gave my mum more random excuses. She then called me to tell me my mum had spoken to her and i wasnt sure why she was telling me because there was still no plan. I got very upset as she told me i was not allowed to discuss with anyone (our families are old friends) and she would not involve her husband or family as she didnt want to cause them stress. She asked me to ask my mum not to discuss with her family either. I felt betrayed as she had watched me suffer due to getting into abusive relationships and be expolited and felt she was treating me the same. She told me that was my 'perception' and i had to tell her i didnt want to talk until she had a plan.

A week later, her mum repaid the loan (surprisingly) and told me i has caused her too much stress and she was bleeding as a result and asked me not to contact her again. my friend blocked me on all social media and then i found out her daughter had unfriended my daughter online (these girls are aged 7 and 8). This hurt the most as i felt it was petty and unnecessary.

Was i wrong to ask her for a plan about repayment?

You haven't actually lost a 'friend'. That's not how a friend behaves.
I am happy you have got your money back.
Nobody in their right mind would borrow a huge sum of money, not pay it back and make out that you were in the wrong for asking for it when you needed it.
Seriously out there horrible behaviour.

She was never a true friend. You don't need friends like that.

I'd count yourself lucky OP, she's shown you her true colours and she's done all the blocking for you. And you've got your money back. Give her no more thought but it's a lesson for the future - lending money is a minefield.

No matter the circumstances, it is upsetting when a friendship ends. I wonder if she’s more annoyed at getting caught out. It’s possible her family didn’t know she borrowed money. She could have been living beyond her means or gambling. Now she felt forced to tell her Mum and have her Mum pay you back. Maybe her husband still isn’t aware. You are not the problem here and have not caused any health issues he is experiencing. I’d block her and move on.

You’re better off without them. They clearly have many issues.

Are you the friend? The OP has been put into hardship and caused stress by her so called friend not paying the loan back in six months as she said she would. So called friend didn’t make any other plans and had to be asked. Now says op is causing her stress. It’s all on the friend.

Yeah, good riddance, you were never going to get that money back from her. Luckily you did, plenty of people on here have had similar happen and never get anything back so that's the silver lining.

Keep any messages regarding this issue and take her to court . I would also contact her husband and family . She is making excuses and absolutely not your friends in any way

Blaming something on your perception of it is guilt talking. Whatever they want to say she had no intention of paying the loan back. So she's a thief.

its so upsetting when long term friends that you consider family treat you with contempt. But time will ease it.

I'd rather have my money back than be bossed around by a so-called friend who is happy to borrow large sums from friends but can't be bothered to pay it back as stated (or at least be very apologetic and proactive about planning to pay as soon as possible). Sorry you've lost the friend, but YWNBU.

This is incredibly and depressingly common and its on her and her lack of intergrity not you.

I'd be inclined to go via small claims if i had enpugh proof it was a loan.
Edit: just rtft and you got your money back. You have done better than most in your situation i'd take it as a win

The pregnancy is a red herring. She borrowed (and should have paid back) the money long before she got pregnant.

I'm sorry. But why do 7 and 8 year olds girls have social media accounts in the first place?

(Misses point of the OP entirely)

Don’t victim blame! OP has done wrong. The friend borrowed the money 18 months ago, and has made no effort to pay it back (but has gone on fancy holidays). OP has not caused the bleeding.

It sounds like she didn’t want her family to find out she borrowed it and then got annoyed when they did. She probably hoped not to pay you back and if she has been on holiday then she could also afford a repayment plan. She is not a good friend unfortunately and you have nothing to feel bad about.

Came on to say exactly that!

Damn right you should be pocket watching!

How can someone have the brass neck to go off on holiday to Dubai when they owe a friend 10k?

Honestly, you have nothing to feel guilty about here. You've got your money back and while im sure you are sad about losing a friend of 17 years, you are better off without!

I hope you got interest as well.

If you want to learn about financial literacy, start off with a few podcasts by reputable people like Martin Lewis (his is on BBC Sounds).

When you are a little more savvy consider looking at something like Rebel Finance School. Whilst it is primarily aimed at people looking to retire early the principle of learning about reducing your debts and how to invest are always useful.

You were right to ask for a repayment plan; if anything you should have done so immediately after she missed the six month deadline you both agreed on. I wouldn't feel at all guilty in your place. You didn't even significantly pressure her to pay back the loan, just to commit to when and how she would. That should not be terribly stressful for anyone; in fact, it should have been a relief as she must have felt stressed knowing she was a year late paying back a loan to a friend who really needed the money. And she asked you to keep her family out of it (she can't tell you not to tell your OWN family!) and you did; she's the one who (apparently) told her mum.

You weren't wrong to ask for a plan. You perhaps should have been more forceful about repayment earlier on because the longer you leave it, the less likely the debtor is to repay. But you were kind to lend the money and I'm glad you got it back (though it sounds like you've lost out on interest.) She's been really unreasonable and you don't need a friend like that.

It's worth learning about savings accounts and complex interest. I had a fixed rate account which earned just over 5% per annum over the last 18 months. Your £10000 could have earned you about £1000 over those 2 years which would at least have made up for inflation. Martin Lewis's moneysavingexpert website gives loads of financial news and advice.

Op she is an ungrateful, spiteful cow and definitely not a true friend!

She’s done you a favour! Glad you got the money back too