Why do some partners stay all day?

[Seymour5]

I’ve had orthopaedic surgery recently. Lovely unit, four bedded bay, women only. I was quite incapacitated the first day, in considerable pain, and really needed the loo. The partner of another patient, who was more ambulent, was sitting quite close by. The nurse offered a commode, but I wasn’t comfortable using one, when a man was just a few feet away. I used a frame and struggled to the toilets. I’m old and I just felt embarrassed. Was I being over sensitive?

A random man isn't the same as a random woman on a female ward though.
And no, I'm not suggesting banning them, just not allowing unrestricted and unlimited access.

I'm in hospital with my mum at the moment. She's elderly with advanced Parkinsons and has just had a hip replacement following a fall on Tuesday.

I'm here to advocate for her, comfort her and make sure she has her needs met. Next week my 41 year old brother will do same.

We're not here 24 7 but well beyond official visiting hours because this is how we show love and care. We'll be reading quietly if not chatting quietly with her.

Both of us will happily step out if someone needs privacy but it's much more important to me that mum is looked after. I'm sure the partners you've seen have a similar motivation.

What the actual fuck do you think he would be doing?
He'd not be interested in you at all... don't flatter yourself.
His concern would be for ME, his unwell wife.
You wouldn't be on his radar at all.
(ETA... not thats its any of your business, and not that its necessary... but he is enhanced DBS checked for his job anyway )

You keep repeating that a random MAN is a problem for you, without finding any reason to justify or explain

A random MAN is no different from a random woman to me, and most people.

either ban VISITORS - which I completely disagree with - but your problem with MEN doesn't mean it's enough of a reason to ban them in hospitals all over the country.

Sounds like you're doing your best for your mum, but importantly, also being considerate of others. That's a lot kinder than the 'I don't give a shit about others' approach. I hope she's doing ok.

This obviously only applies to maternity ward and is a non issue everywhere else, but the time my partner was there was the only time I could drag myself to the loo! I was very weak, and frankly unwilling, to take my baby in the loo, and I would never leave a newborn alone and unattended in the middle of complete strangers, just because they happened to have popped a baby at the same time. Who cares if someone is female or not.

I've told you why, several times, but apparently men and women are the same to you so it's falling on deaf ears.

Is that because she's not a gasp MAN??

Honestly, yes, I think you were being oversensitive, OP. If you need a wee, have one. Even if there are restricted visiting hours, you still sometimes need to go when there are visitors around. Or male staff. Or in a mixed ward.

And while you may not want visitors all the time, for some people that is extremely important.

He presumably wasn't there all day and night though?

I get it, nobody else matters to you.

Put it that way, I don't use the bathroom with the door left opened whether in a room full of men or women.. I am not sure why you have such a problem with MEN, but yes, happy to confirm random strangers are the same to me.

You are not explaining anything at all, just repeating but they are MEN!

I get it also... your needs trump everyone else's.

Oh.. can you please also clarify.. are UNCHECKED women allowed, or is it just men you hate?

He's be a random, unknown man constantly there in a ward of women. A respectful man would not stay there constantly, he'd leave when you were sleeping or when some other patients needed peace and quiet.

I've already explained this to you.

The reason is that they are random men, on a female ward.

you realise that is not a reason...

People behind a closed curtain, HOW do they affect you? Really?
Or even with no curtain?

If a weirdo, male or female, just plonk their chair in front of your bed and stare at you, call the nurse and ask them to be removed

partners stay because no one who is incapacitated should be without an advocate in a medical situation. The problem isn’t the partner, it is the over-crowded old-fashioned facility.

You should be able to have real privacy from partners and other patients. Patients should be able to have their advocates.

I realise that you think it's not a reason.
For many women it would be a real concern.
As stated, it's also the being there constantly.

I'm sorry you were uncomfortable but my father was in hospital after almost dying recently. Someone was with him all the time as it was so traumatic for all of us that no one could handle the thought of him being alone and he didn't want to be alone.

so? how do they affect you?

You were not planning on doing a strip tease, or going on a full lecture about your medical problems to the ward, were you? Why does it matter?

The other patients are there anyway, you have the same level of privacy and quiet! (often , not enough). That's my point, it makes 0 difference to your stay. 0 difference to your privacy .

I've given you my answer numerous times.
I accept that you feel differently.
Let's move on.

I agree there should be visiting hours only, and would apply the same rule to maternity wards (provided nobody is seriously ill)

Having been in hospital many times I think visiting hours and numbers should be enforced. Of course there will be exceptions, e.g. disabled person’s carer, but otherwise it’s unacceptable

Yes, doing our best. And also in Ireland which is a bit more family oriented so expectations are probably different.