Why do some partners stay all day?

[Seymour5]

I’ve had orthopaedic surgery recently. Lovely unit, four bedded bay, women only. I was quite incapacitated the first day, in considerable pain, and really needed the loo. The partner of another patient, who was more ambulent, was sitting quite close by. The nurse offered a commode, but I wasn’t comfortable using one, when a man was just a few feet away. I used a frame and struggled to the toilets. I’m old and I just felt embarrassed. Was I being over sensitive?

I suppose I should look at the positive, it meant I had to mobilise more quickly to get to the loo. No two circumstances are the same, of course. It just felt intrusive to me. If we’d all had visitors there all day, there wouldn’t have been room for two of us to do our physio with walking aids, or for wheelchairs.

A relative of mine suffers from ocd and anxiety. If she couldn’t have had her husband and sister with her, she wouldn’t have had the procedure she needed.

It is difficult for other patients but not everyone can cope alone unfortunately.

I hope you feel better soon

This.

Exactly how everyone’s other half should be.

If I saw someone’s partner there 24/7 my only thought would be how lucky they are to have someone love them so much.

this too.

As has been said, there are so many circumstances when it can be necessary, but we weren’t in beds as such, just trolleys with just a light cover. Day surgery in the main. Quite a mix of reactions here, perhaps it’s an age thing for me to feel uncomfortable.

@CrazyGoatLady that is so selfish, like A&E when patients can’t get a seat because big groups turn up, and as you say, camp out.

When my mother first had a stroke, my dad went to visit as much as possible, as he knew she could not manage to feed herself, but staff just put the food nearby and left her to it.

When visiting my mother no visitors were allowed (except your own) when the doctors wete discussing medical issues or personal care being done. Which seemed fair. And visitors only allowed 12-8 on the ward (longer in ICU).

Well realistically she should have a hospital care plan which goes in to hospital with her and on admission the LA finds a carer to be with her.

I've written several and executed of these plans for patients. Lots of hospitals and LAs are really reluctant to tell people about them though.

But the op has just undergone surgery and is likely feeling very vulnerable. And maybe if given the choice would not use a mixed toilet.

The nurse, at the point of the OP saying she was not comfortable, should have asked the man to leave the ward for a few minutes.

Because sometimes they're not ambulatory and there are not enough staff to provide the level of care required?

Because sometimes they're not ambulatory and there are not enough staff to provide the level of care required?

Because sometimes they're not ambulatory and there are not enough staff to provide the level of care required?

Everyone's needs are different to be honest I would have used the commode anyway maybe had some background noise on like TV noise on phone or something

This would be a nightmare to actually enforce though. Where's the line between being ill enough to have visitors all day vs just visiting hours? Who decides that? Plus there are people with other issues, eg someone with anxiety disorder staying for an unrelated reason and having someone with them helps with their anxiety. Would there be an appeals process for them, or would they have to suffer without help? And it's not a nurse's job to police these things but that's what they'd have to do and they're busy enough

YABVU. It's a lot further away with a locked door. Don't be ridiculous.

I think since covid we've made a right cock up of nursing care.

Female wards were just that and open visting is encouraged . Personally I hate dirty language and I've had to listen to it full on from others. It's seems the norm.

We use to have the WRVS in our local hospital and that has stopped. Can we not have anything for our own dignity?

Fwiw I am married to a lovely man but he knows when to bog off.

My husband has had many long stints in hospital and been incredibly unwell. Unfortunately due to the state of the NHS on some of the occasions if I had left he would have been left in horrific pain, surrounded by bowls of sick, unable to get to the toilet. I needed to be there to support for him and advocate for him and escalate issues when he couldn't do this for himself.

You have no privacy in hospital that's just the way it is, but hopefully you'll have a short term stay and be home soon to recover in comfort. Get well soon.

If a visitor decides to be there all day, then they will witness/hear/smell everything that happens in that ward.

Why should you feel uncomfortable and embarrassed about using the commode? You should not have any discomfort. The priority is you getting better and not that a visitor hears/smells you having a poo.

Stop caring about the visitors - they chose to be there and so they can smell your poo! The priority is YOU, not some random visitor.

YABVU. It is not up to you to decide what is necessary for another patient based only on what you can see.

Your problem is that the hospital staffing and facilities are t good enough, not that someone else has someone with them to care and keep them company.

Well if they went home, that probably answers why he stayed. They were likely told they would be discharged at some point and didn’t want to drive back and forth.

Because they can and they want too, and its not up to you.

Totally agree. Kinda makes a mockery of 'single-sex wards' if the male visitors are there all day, surely?

YANBU. Even on the maternity ward visitors were very irritating. And the visitors were mostly men (snoring, talking loudly, phone noise)

You're asking why someone else's needs should matter more than yours, yet you seem to think you matter more. Men shouldn't be sitting all day on a women's ward/section. I'd be inclined to ask nursing staff when he was leaving, repeatedly.