Why do some partners stay all day?

[Seymour5]

I’ve had orthopaedic surgery recently. Lovely unit, four bedded bay, women only. I was quite incapacitated the first day, in considerable pain, and really needed the loo. The partner of another patient, who was more ambulent, was sitting quite close by. The nurse offered a commode, but I wasn’t comfortable using one, when a man was just a few feet away. I used a frame and struggled to the toilets. I’m old and I just felt embarrassed. Was I being over sensitive?

1 or 2 patients with male partner.
Several patients having to tolerate random man/men.
See how that works?
Being there all the time is an issue, even if you refuse to see it.

Unfortunately this doesn't seem uncommon. My dad had the last 7 weeks of his life in hospital. His wife looked after him and she also helped other patients on the ward. Passing them stuff they wanted and could reach ( water etc) and going to find cutlery for patients that had dinner dumped in front of them with no cutlery etc

When you are a patient in a ward, is very much all the patients in similar situations and so they get in with it. It’s shocking that visitors and dads are allowed on wards and maternity units without restriction. You honestly think women that have just given birth or had a series surgery want anybody that doesn’t NEED to be there just 18 inches away , separated by a curtain, while they are toileting or being examined? Just no. You have no idea about other peoples issues and trauma. If you want full time or irregular time visitors then pay for a private room or facility, don’t inflict that on other patients just to allay your own boredom.

when I gave birth last time, in a hospital, I had to listen to a massive hairy bookie snoring and farting in the chair next to my cubicle and he was awful. Horrible, complaining, smelly, and rude. I didn’t deserve that and neither did the other women. I’d much rather see better funded maternity and ward care and yes I’d pay more in taxes for it.

I didn't realise that visiting hours weren't a thing on adult wards any more. I only have experience from when my son was in hospital and whilst parents were allowed at any time, visiting hours were still a thing for other visitors.

I suppose it makes sense if they are relying on visitors to help look after the patient if they are short staffed which usually seems to be the case.

His partner was aware. It was a small room.

That is my idea of hell. It's bad enough I have to share embarrassing things with nurses or doctors, I don't want strangers involved and I really don't want to hear about their problems

It's such a summary of the lack of privacy and dignity in hospitals with communal wards, we should be embarrassed it's still exist in a so called modern country.

@Paganpentacle Thats your choice. You could have told them to leave?

As I said in my post they didn't listen to me and insisted. I asked over and over for them to leave. If a nurse or Dr had spoken to me alone I would have told them I wanted everyone to go home and my family would immediately do what a medical professional suggested. I can't be the only one in that position. I think it should be something addressed as part of a patients care, they should be asked what they want.

If I'm in hospital, unwell, worried and I need my husband there... I personally dont care about your opinion.

Therein lies the issue, we're suppose to understand/care that you want your partner there, but you don't understand/care that he's just a random (annoying) man to us. Being there all the time is ridiculous and selfish.

THAT should be banned, and it's easily done.

Sometimes it seems we are trying to make the life of hospital patients as painful and unpleasant as possible.

What is needed is a culture where a staff member can tell all visitors to leave temporarily so that medical needs can be met. And a general code of conduct for visitors which if they break they can be refused admission.

I am not sure how much it affects you if someone is sitting next to the bed opposite. Curtains should be closed, no one has to see anyone else, and it's a non issue. You have no more or no less privacy because some random stranger has a visitor.

If someone is screaming or the TV is blaring, surely the staff could ask them to leave or switch off the device?

Big sign SILENCE PLEASE and everyone who doesn't comply get out. Unless they are the patient, unfortunately for the other patients..

Agreed - and if another patient requests that they get some respite from someone's partner being there continually then that should be respected. We must also consider that some women in an abusive relationship may be scared to say they want their partner to leave.

The presence of a random man constantly would bother a lot of people, as evidenced by this thread.

the presence of a random stranger, constantly, would bother a lot of people, but sadly we can't get rid of other patients 😂

A visitor, in itself, I really couldn't care less.

Another patient speaking loudly, on the phone, watching tv without headphones, being a general nuisance, THAT I resent and it affects my recover.

My dh had day surgery recently , the op isn't done in our local hospital so we had to go to the next county to have it done . It is a round trip of more than 100 miles so I stayed with him as would have nothing to do otherwise .

Actually I wouldn't expect you to care... and I don't give a shit that you don't.

Close your curtains and then you cant see him- that's your problem solved.

A fellow female patient is in no way comparable to a random man.

why? a random woman is just the same as a random man, I don't feel any safer or "closer' to someone because they are a woman. Being a patient means nothing, they are not necessarily attached to their bed? (or more accurately unable to move for a medical reason)

I wouldn't feel my teen boy is any safer because there's a random female visitor any more than a random male patient either...

I know you don't 'give a shit', that's evident. It doesn't change the fact that having him there constantly is selfish, and other patients* *would be well within their rights to ask for some respite from a random, unknown and unchecked male.

No, a random woman is not the same as a random man, especially if the woman is also a patient. We're talking about females in hospital, not teenage boys.

You still haven't explained WHY someone behind a curtain is bothering you simply for existing?

If he's loud, coming to sit on your bed, or being a nuisance, then fair enough, but that applies to male or female - and frankly to kids too. I am not threatened by toddlers, but a screaming and running toddler in the ward should be banned faster than a quiet adult.

Random unchecked men shouldn't be given free access to female wards.

The random woman is just the same as a random man for me.

And rules applying to you should apply to my teenage boy too. He should be allowed to have a visitor, ME, just as much as I should be allowed to have a visitor, my husband (or friend, or brother or whoever)

restrict age and number of visitors, fine, but that's it.

so you want to ban MEN from wards? Are you quite right 😂