Why do some partners stay all day?

[Seymour5]

I’ve had orthopaedic surgery recently. Lovely unit, four bedded bay, women only. I was quite incapacitated the first day, in considerable pain, and really needed the loo. The partner of another patient, who was more ambulent, was sitting quite close by. The nurse offered a commode, but I wasn’t comfortable using one, when a man was just a few feet away. I used a frame and struggled to the toilets. I’m old and I just felt embarrassed. Was I being over sensitive?

Oh please @ThatKeenShaker
The OP said he was intrusive.

I don't want visitors banned I just think they should stick to structured times.

You may be lucky and have never been sexually assaulted, many have. The fear never leaves you. If you look at the general feeling on here and previous threads women's privacy and dignity is under constant threat.
Don't get me started on how many visitors use the patient loo because they're too arse lazy to walk down the corridor. (many times the nurses instruct the patients not to lock the door).

I'm off into hospital this coming week and it's my third op this year. Let's hope it's peaceful.

Also, why some people really want to visit someone in the hospital? I mean, yes if you are there a long time, family or dying. But my mom was at a hospital (nothing seroous, just few days in observation) and suddenly her friends that barely visit the house wanted to visit her at the hospital.

Some hospitals have a "quiet" lunch period when visitors have to leave for a couple of hours and other hcp staff are discouraged from coming to see patients.
Gives a chance for patients to eat their meals in peace and then have a nap (or a shit) afterwards before visitors return.
These rules are relaxed for children although it can be awful for a sick or pre-op child to have a party going on in the bay opposite with adults eating crisps and sweets and for palliative and end of life patients who hopefully should be in a side room.

I was recently in hospital for an abdominal surgery (thankfully only an overnight stay). In that time, I was given antibiotics and painkillers consistently late (by hours, not slightly late) but luckily could advocate for myself (yet still there were huge delays despite the fact I was in considerable pain and at risk of infection).

After that experience I would be worried about leaving my Mum for example after an op as she would be much easier to ignore than I was.

Oh yeah, I remember my poor son waiting for surgery. He’d been really poorly and wasn’t able to eat for 2 months and was desperate for food having to listen to a mum in the cubicle next door talk about the delicious McDonald’s they were going to enjoy and then the smell hit him.

My son was starving hungry and beside himself.

I’d feel the same op. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to not want a man the other side of the curtain. I couldn’t use a commode in that situation. I appreciate all people are different and some wouldn’t mind while others need a visitors support. I myself am autistic and really struggle to advocate for myself in medical settings so can see both sides to this. I don’t think there is a solution

I had brain surgery in June and was also in a female bay. I couldn't walk to the toilet and so had to use the commode right next to somebody else's husband. Very undignified. It was summer and really hot on the ward so I wore short pyjamas and when I could walk to the toilet I had to walk past the bed of a woman who had several adult sons and I felt very uncomfortable at the looks I received and one time I knew they were talking about my pyjamas when I came back from the loo. I'm tall so I was showing a lot of leg but ffs I was ill, walking to the toilet was a real ordeal and the last thing I needed were some morons making comments on how much I was or wasn't wearing. I think visitors should absolutely be restricted and also phone calls should be on headphones only so at least you only have to hear half the conversation.

I’m in my 50s and I still vividly remember my little sister being hospitalized multiple times for multiple weeks during the year when I was 5. There was a parent with her at all times without exception. Between juggling work and hospital shifts this meant I was left with an assortment of people, but my toddler sister was never left alone in the hospital.

no one ever questioned this. I’m guessing it is cultural as I am not in the uk. Family traveled. Neighbors and coworkers pitched in. Other adults covered the house because a parent always had to be at the hospital.

That’s awful. If there’s one place you should be able to feel free from scrutiny, it’s hospital. Hope you’ve recovered well from your surgery.

It's shit. I'm sorry that happened to you.

Back in the nineties I was in hospital for 12 days 7 on total bed rest. So had to use bed pans not allowed even a commode. So glad that they had proper visiting hours. We even had an hour after lunch when they drew the curtains and dimmed the lights for rest hour just before visiting.

I think the sex of the visitor does matter, particularly on a women's ward, where women are in a vulnerable state, often sleeping. No, not all men, but there is an inherent risk having men in a space designated for women. As a woman in my early 20s in hospital after surgery I remember feeling uncomfortable with male visitors staying for hours and hours, snoring in their chairs to boot. I understand people might need extra help, but perhaps consider the needs of all the people in the room, not just their own.