Why do some partners stay all day?

[Seymour5]

I’ve had orthopaedic surgery recently. Lovely unit, four bedded bay, women only. I was quite incapacitated the first day, in considerable pain, and really needed the loo. The partner of another patient, who was more ambulent, was sitting quite close by. The nurse offered a commode, but I wasn’t comfortable using one, when a man was just a few feet away. I used a frame and struggled to the toilets. I’m old and I just felt embarrassed. Was I being over sensitive?

Personally I wouldn't want to be separated by a curtain from a really smelly shit, so I would have gone ahead and hoped they got the message.

I remember that applied to the children's wards as well. As for the person with camper van, at my local hospital it would be cheaper to stay in a hotel than pay for the parking.

I couldn't have imagined only visiting my child for an hour or two a day, those poor families.

proves the point that other patients are the ones making life hell, so people are the problems, not visitors as such. As long as there are communal wards, no visitor doesn't make life better for anyone, it makes it more difficult when you need help.

No visitor times also seems to be the signal for some patients to try to intrude, start conversation and become a general nuisance.

No complain about limiting the number of visitor - even to ONE if needed - and banning all under 18.

When I was in hospital aged 5, my mum visited most afternoons, mum and dad on a Sunday. She had 2 other children to look after and my dads day off was Sunday, so there really wasn't much else they could do.

When my son was in hospital, at least one parent was expected to be with them at all times unless there was a very good reason it wasn't possible. They simply just don't have enough staff to do things other than check obs, do dressing changes etc so you still had to be parenting your child as normal such as brushing their teeth, showering them, taking them to the toilet etc.

Siblings would usually stay at home with the other parent and parents would swap who was staying with the child so mum might stay during the week but dad might stay at the weekend.

One family brought in a flipping picnic to a bedside. Lovely for the patient who was on liquids only. 😬 Another lot of- German - brought in a load of Greggs pasties 🤷‍♀️ oohing and aahing over them. 😂

Not so easy when your partner is off on tour and you have a breastfed baby wih the elder one in hospital and they won't let you take the baby in

Just a tip if you get a smelly fellow patient, stick half a rolled face wipe up each nostril. Works a treat and I'm smell sensitive (professional reasons). Vics also works!

When my son was in hospital, a child on his bay was moved to a side room so his mum who had just given birth the day before could continue to stay with him and also be with her new baby.

Another mum had a partner who worked nights so her youngest had to stay with her. She wasn't allowed to stay overnight with the younger child (he was 6) but they made sure she had somewhere nearby to stay with her son so she didn't have to go all the way home.

I only had DS to worry about and that was hard enough, those who had multiple children who constantly trying to juggle everything. The hospital should try and help with that as much as they can, I'm sorry yours didn't, that must've been awful.

When my dad was dying he was put on a general ward. Everyone there was in for (seemingly) minor issues. All up and chatting and able to walk. My dad was immobile, on oxygen, tube fed and barely verbal. There was strict visiting hours on that ward but as my dad was dying we were given unrestricted visiting access. Really he should have been in a side room but there wasn’t any available. My mum and I did get complaints about the fact that at least one of us was there 24 hours a day. But tough luck really. He was on that ward a week until a wonderful Macmillan nurse demanded they move him to a private space. He died 48 hours after that in peace at least.

To be honest, i think it was worse for the other parent’s and families to be stuck on a ward with a clearly dying man than be worried about visitors. If anyone has been around someone in active dying phase it’s not always pleasant. But anyway. We weren’t leaving no matter who complained.

Just because a family cannot have one parent at all time doesn't mean all parents should be banned for everybody else.

Put it another way, some parents can't stay with their kids - the one who does stay takes off the pressure from the staff and they have more time to help the child who is alone.

most parents are not monsters, if they see a little kid crying or dropping something, they try to help or cheer them up too.

If you want to work in a hospital or volunteer in a hospital you have to be background checked. I’m trying to imagine the outcry if anyone proposed not doing these checks.

Apparently though, if you have a relative in hospital this gives you free and unsupervised access to patients in a vulnerable state and this is ok.

Every abuser and criminal has a family. You have no way of knowing if the bloke claiming free access to the ward due to his Aunty Jane is a saint or a danger.

so you suggest parents are not allowed to be with their kids in hospital? Is that your suggestion?

Ban all visitors? really?

Try reading my post. You may find it helpful.

I note you don’t address the risk situation.

You being an example of someone who is happy to use a mixed sex cubicle toilet!
Most women I suspect are not. Me included.

Or me! Especially when I’m in a tie up the back hospital gown, and feeling unsteady.

Me neither! I remember staying in a military mess with shared ablutions and was unimpressed with the bloke who came into the trap next to me for his morning muck out...👃💩

What you need is security, not banning visitors.

Try educating yourself, you may find it helpful. Patients presents as much of a risk, if not more, to hospital staff and other patients.

Banning all visitors because YOU don't want to stay with your own child is not the answer. Just don't visit if you don't like visitors, no one is making you.

I am not happy using a commode in a communal ward next to anyone personally, couldn't care less if they are male or female, visitor or patients.

Why would anyone suddenly lose any wish for privacy and dignity just because next door is wearing a hospital gown instead of a pair of jeans, a patient as opposed to a visitor, is beyond me.

This post was started regarding adult care. The lady was too frail post surgery to use the loo. She was offered a commode that she declined due to an adult male being a curtain width from her bed.
She hobbled to the loo on a zimmer whist wearing a gaping hospital gown to protect her dignity. The man (and I'm not going to give him the courtesy of calling him a gentlemen) didn't step out of the female ward. He'd been there all day. He would have heard the nurse offering a commode.

Children's care is totally different as they don't have the communication skills to ask for help.
Hospitals are not there for entertainment. I get in and out ASAP and I want to rest as much as possible in between not listen to some Norbert next to my bed.

It's interesting how the postets saying they "couldn't give a shit" about whether other women patients are uncomfortable are exclusively the posters who want a male partner with them on the ward.

None of the posters who feel uncomfortable or unsafe or unable to sleep or to ask questions of the medical staff with unknown men on the open ward have said they "couldn't give a shit" about other patients.

I had an emergency caesarean which resulted in serious blood loss, transfusions and drains meaning I couldn't get up, all following being in stop- start labour following induction in hospital for 36 hours, but couldn't sleep on the six bed postnatal bay because it was so busy with visitors, including a man who was sitting on a chair in my bed area but on the other side of the curtain, having pushed the chair so far back that he must have been completely surrounded by the curtain on his side.

With my first baby guests were sent home between 8pm and 8an and also asked to leave at mealtimes, which was much better in terms of sleeping and also once able to stagger to the toilet with the cot on wheels thing and a drip on a stand, in a nightdress, not having to queue until a man came out!

Exactly! I wonder what proportion of women genuinely feel as safe using a mixed sex toilet with cubicles (rather than a single toilet in a small cafe or a normal home) as a single sex toilet with cubicles...

He would have heard the nurse offering a commode.
would he? Last thing most normal people do when in hospital is trying to hear what's going on next bed.

He'd been there all day
lovely man, taking care and keeping company to his relative to help them feel better.

Of course visitors are important. Why don't you campaign for private rooms, as they exist in other countries, instead of making life on a communal ward even more miserable and difficult than it already is and banning visitors?

Children care might be different, but people were talking about safety and visitor ban - it's the same hospital. they don't have the communication skills to ask for help. toddler possibly, a 6 year old has - still needs his mum or dad.

The same way patients who need a visitor should have them

Sorry that absolutely sent me 🤣🤣🤣🤣 horse piss