Sister has inherited huge wealth. Help

[Hidinginthelootoo]

My sister has inherited huge wealth... multi millions. Through sad circumstances.
Myself, my younger sister and our parents are all struggling money wise, due to poor pay (work two jobs to try to help), sister is divorce, parents just pensioners. I am trying so hard to be happy for her as she spends spends spends, one day she spent £300k! I try to oo and aa over what she buys, but I'm dying inside and drowning at home. Please help me be more positive, or explain nicely how it's making me feel without ruining our relationship.

"Reign it in, love." might be the only thing you can say, both for spending and telling you about it, as she's not being very tactful.

Not a lot you can do, I'd swerve her until she's spent it all.

Ask her to give you some money.

What did she spend 300k on?!

Telling her how you feel may be interpreted as jealousy and not being happy for her. Would it be better coming from your parents to gently tell her it’s a bit crass going on about her spending?

She sounds terribly selfish. I cannot fathom anyone who could spaff money up a wall while their immediate family is struggling. Her money, her choices but you don’t have to stand there and applaud her.

She’s being a dick, you don’t have to be happy for her.
If she had an ounce of sensitivity you wouldn’t know she was spend spend spending because she wouldn’t be rubbing your nose in it. Quite apart from the fact that some people would choose to help out the struggling sibling in this situation.
While you aren’t entitled to any of her money (not that you have implied you think you are) you are entitled to some consideration over the difference in your circumstances.

I voted YABU because I don’t think it’s possible to explain nicely. It won’t work. But YANBU for feeling the way that you do

You say the circumstances are sad so therefore maybe I wouldn't envy her.

Just tell her. You’re struggling to make ends meet and it’s stressful and she is bragging about a load of expensive crap she has bought. It’s fine if she doesn’t want to share but you and your parents are struggling so it’s hard to get excited about her new xyz

She sounds pretty awful tbh. You can come into serious money, and you can also be tactful about it. Money used to whisper, these days it seems it screams it's bloody head off.

If the rest of the family are struggling and she's spraying up to £300k a day, I'd wonder what I'd got in common with her anymore.

I'd wait for a while and see if there was any money forthcoming to the various members of your family without her being asked, and if there isn't I'd be calling it a day in terms of a relationship. It would be a deal breaker for me. To come into multi millions and not want to help out family is selfish in the extreme.

I'd have to say something, probably because I couldn't imagine being like her in similar circumstances in a million years!

Maybe put it to her that it would be nice for Mum and Dad to have a little comfort now since they brought you up and made sacrifices. It may trickle down. If she is blind to your family's circumstances and does not make a contribution I'm afraid I would have to cut ties. You could not tolerate being around that level of blindness to other's circumstances, particularly when she actually TOLD you of her good fortune.

Anyway, what goes around comes around.

I hope she gives some to you and your parents. Assuming you have a decent relationship with her. If she really does just waste it all then I'm not surprised if you disapprove.

I expect the spending is her grief response. If her spouse she’s probably thinking there’s. I point not spending it as you could die with it sitting in the bank

perhaps sit her down and express concern at her profligacy and how she is deep down.

if no issues just say that you’re pleased she can enjoy life and you like seeing her happy but give your difficult financial position it makes you uncomfortable talking about her expenditure

I can't imagine having multi millions and not helping my immediate family , especially parents ! I don't blame you for feeling this way . She's an insensitive person for telling you her extravagant purchases . I wonder if the reckless spending is an attempt to Gome to terms with her loss.

What did she buy, a Lamborghini?

I agree with @5128gap, ask her for some money. Certainly ask her to give some money to your parents. Win win.

That's a challenge. If she inherited for sad reasons (I mean there is not normally good reasons) try to focus on what she has lost rather than what she has gained?

But personally, I would probably just tell her to read the room, and point out the rest of her family don't have 2 pennies to rub together so can she please stop. But that does depend on a) why she inherited and b) on yours and her relationship.

I think it’s ’money Talks, wealth whispers’

How come one sister has inherited millions and the other two sisters nothing?

nah, this is vile behaviour. Swerve her

It's going to be hard to reconcile your two lifestyles.

You and your parents struggling while she spends money like water.

Of course all her chat is probably going to be about her lifestyle and what she is doing. And that is probably going to make you feel awful.

Not sure what the solution is. Probably at some point you will need to talk to here and explain how difficult it is for you. Unless she lacks empathy completely she should understand this. However the fact that she is not being more discreet currently maybe suggests that she won't.

What sort of person has she been it the past before the new found wealth ? Caring, understanding of other peoples needs ?

Could you try reminding yourself that the inheritance came because of who she lost and she'd probably rather have the person than the money?

Probably her husband died

@Bruisername Thanks, I knew it was something like that. In these circs, it is definitely wealth if its multi millions and it's not doing much whispering.

Ask her if she knows the story of Viv Nicholson.

Viv and her DH won £152,319 on the pools in 1961 (around £4.6mil in today’s money)
and she spent the lot.
went to her grave poor as the day she was born. Left nothing

Yes and she might be spending for the short term buzz to cope with her feelings of loss or trauma. It really depends on why she had come into so much money

Maybe it’s from a friend or partner of her own rather than a mutual relative.