Sister has inherited huge wealth. Help

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My sister has inherited huge wealth... multi millions. Through sad circumstances.
Myself, my younger sister and our parents are all struggling money wise, due to poor pay (work two jobs to try to help), sister is divorce, parents just pensioners. I am trying so hard to be happy for her as she spends spends spends, one day she spent £300k! I try to oo and aa over what she buys, but I'm dying inside and drowning at home. Please help me be more positive, or explain nicely how it's making me feel without ruining our relationship.

You don’t have to feel happy or sad or anything else. You get to choose how you feel.

Ignore her and get on with living your life / accept what the fates have decided

I think the alternative paths lead to anger, resentment and madness.

Sadly, rich people often end up being isolated. I would worry that would happen to my sister too, but I expect if she was flaunting her wealth, whilst knowing I was struggling, would find it hard to be sympathetic.

What happened that your sister inherited such wealth whole the rest of the family didn't? Was she widowed?

If so she's entitled to go off the rails a bit.

If she’s literally inherited millions I don’t understand why she wouldn’t help out her family? Especially if you are struggling. Is there some back story? Is she always selfish?

I am currently feeling resentment and I hate myself for it. Sometimes I do find myself getting upset

'Inherited under sad circumstances' could cover a range of situations and in most of them, I don't think it could really be considered a stroke of luck.

I mean, there's a big difference between an insurance payment or compensation after the death of a child or spouse and, eg, inheriting a load of cash from some ancient in-law that she didn't like that much.

Personally, if I came into a huge sum of money, I'd probably treat my family to a lump sum each... but that doesn't mean your sister has to, or should, do that if she doesn't want to.

I do think that if she's spending a lot of money, she probably shouldn't be boasting about it. Mentioning in passing that she's, say, bought a new car is fine, but making a point of phoning up just to tell you she's blown a couple of hundred grand on one is dickish.

Having seen your update I'm less sympathetic. Shouldn't she be putting a large amount of this away for their child?

Does she know your struggling?
In the end this is not her responsibility but if she loves you she may want to help. If not and you ask, it could ruin your relationship. You have to decide what’s more important. It may be that you just have to grin and bear it. I voted YABU as it is almost impossible to say something without coming across as grabby or sour grapes. She’s just very lucky. I don’t know about bad luck in your situation. It could’ve been life choices

She's effectively won the lottery.

You know what they say about lottery win money: it's gone within a couple of years.

Your DSis sounds as though she hasn't a clue. Most people with money have either earned it with commercial nous or inherited it (from people who know how to manage it).

I bet her child isn’t too happy about the spending either.

Agreed. No idea what the guy’s relationship was like with their DC but I’d imagine he would want this.

If you get on well with her normally, I'd say, 'Sweetheart, I can't keep pretending that I am delighted every time you burn through your new wealth when you know that me and other family members are struggling to make ends meet, exhausted from working two jobs. I haven't asked you to share your wealth - it's yours to do with as you choose, but please have a thought that when you show off a designer handbag all I can think is: shit that amount would have kept us warm all winter/kept us in groceries from now until New Year.'

I would say something like - while I’m happy for you please stop talking about it because I’m struggling.

The child will never struggle with money, neither will their children. It's that kind of money.

😂

Surely that money should be their child’s - she sounds awful.

Dsis - love you pleased you have got good fortune - but you are being rather tackless to rest of us.

Also we're worried your going though a lot of money - just make sure you and your DC have taken long term financial advice.

Then if nothing changes - see her less or do activties - day out etc when you do so it's not all about her spending.

You do sound awful. I wouldn’t give you any money either. I would give some to the parents though, assuming she has a good relationship with them.

The truth is op, the money isn't really for you or your parents.

It is really up to her to use it for the child, in the circumstances ie; that they separated for a reason.

If you tackle it, I think that's how I'd do it.

Well to be fair, investing in property is not ‘spending’ in the strictest sense

Other than that, I have much less sympathy now we know how she’s come by the cash.

So her separated husband died. She inherited his money and they shared a child. A child who I assume would be quite a custom to dads lifestyle and the shared one before they split.

I couldn’t moan knowing my sister while now rich has a grieving child who won’t ever get to see their dad again. Sure she’s suddenly splurging but the money is new and possibly some of her spends are exciting for the child as well.

Also you don’t know she’s not grieving just because she doesn’t show it, that was her husband she loved at one point and was her child’s father.

She may also despite spending on houses and cars and getting use herself see it as her child’s money long term so not hers to give away. The house and car if it still runs will become her child’s the car will drive her child around.

As long as she’s put a lot of it to one side for the child also, I’d just think she married lucky but also sad because ultimately she’s loaded because her child’s dad died.

One of the joys of a giant windfall would be running around doing good at top speed.

Yes, I would probably upgrade to a nicer property and maybe a better car than my 13-year-old Ford. And I would travel the globe.

But most of it would be spent helping people, funding animal rescue/welfare, buying up property to turn it into wildflower/insect/wildlife sanctuary, etc.

It's unfathomable to me to just go on an endless shopping spree without helping family and friends, at least.

Also it’s easy to spend someone else’s money or the idea that if you had 10 million your do this or do that. Most of us if it landed in our bank accounts wouldn’t come the cash is actually sat there

I wouldn’t tell a soul personally and I wouldn’t want family members grabbing over it and expecting it from me

You mentioned sad circumstances in your OP, could your sister be consumed by grief and not really thinking clearly at the moment?

Both my MIL and a close friend (who was widowed suddenly in traumatic circumstances) made some out of character purchases whilst in the depths of their respective grief. They were both left financially comfortable, so to outsiders it could have appeared to be completely extravagant. In MIL’s case she was just trying to keep alive the memories of enjoyable holidays with FIL by buying a (modest) holiday home. In my friend’s case, she was seeking relief from the pain and grief through retail therapy.

It must be hard to watch the extravagance whilst things are so tough for your parents, sibling and yourself. However if your sister has always been a loving sister this could be a temporary mind shift due to her grief, pain and loss?

How long since she got the money?

a holiday home is not really spending. It’s an asset she can sell again if needed.

when I got divorced I did give my kids money for a house deposit but it took me about a year to get my financials all sorted - buy own house, fix own house, make will, talk to parents/other relatives.

She dose not sound like a great sister! There's no way I could flaunt my wealth when I know my sister and parents are struggling - money cant buy you love or family . Stop contacting her and she should get the message .