Sister has inherited huge wealth. Help

[Hidinginthelootoo]

My sister has inherited huge wealth... multi millions. Through sad circumstances.
Myself, my younger sister and our parents are all struggling money wise, due to poor pay (work two jobs to try to help), sister is divorce, parents just pensioners. I am trying so hard to be happy for her as she spends spends spends, one day she spent £300k! I try to oo and aa over what she buys, but I'm dying inside and drowning at home. Please help me be more positive, or explain nicely how it's making me feel without ruining our relationship.

How does she sound awful.

i wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if I’d inherited literal millions and sat back and watched my siblings and parents work multiple jobs and trying to keep their families fed and warm.

And if one of my siblings treated me like this it would really hurt.

Sports car and a holiday home isn’t exactly frittering it away. Just tell her you don’t want to talk about the money.

This. I literally cannot imagine a scenario where I would spend spend spend hundreds of thousands and watch my immediate family struggle. That's horrible.

Oh stop. It's a perfectly normal and understandable way to feel, more understandable than this comment.

The message she would give her sister is give me cash or I’ll stop talking to you.

I wouldn’t see that as a loss tbh. Be cutting off money grabbers.

Jesus... that's got to be difficult to watch.

Is it possible it's just not occurred to her thqt it might be nice to do something for family?

No real advice but i'd be nice and angle for a week or two in the holiday home each year.
At least that saves you £££ on holidays...

How come one sibling (your sister) got a MASSIVE inheritance but no-one else in the family did @Hidinginthelootoo ?

this is it... I don't want her money, but we have always been close, so this level of being so unaware of others feelings shocks me.

There is not a chance I would inherit that kind of money and not sort out my sisters and parents.

Personally I’d say something to her about not wanting to hear about her spending, that you’re struggling, and whilst it’s not her job to give you money it’s not sisterly to be so inconsiderate about your feelings.

The problem is that when you get huge amounts of wealth like that it is hard to deal with.

All the people you know who are friends are normally people with the same lifestyle and normally pretty much the same money.

Then all of a sudden you are projected into a different world. And yes she probably doesn't realise the impact it has on the rest of you, because she is so self absorbed with the whole thing. She'll have her fast car and her massive house, but probably no one who wants to talk to her.

Ultimately she will have to learn to manage that disparity in wealth more diplomatically or probably seeing her old friends/family less. And that to her in itself might be quite frustrating, because part of the benefit of having significant wealth is being able to share your enjoyment of it.

If it really is huge amounts of money it is very sad she can't at least consider her immediate family as well. That said, even if you end up with relatively large amounts of money by the time the second cousins are turning up asking for their handout it can shrink from being a lot to not very much at all pretty quickly.

Why would you hate yourself for having completely justified and understandable feelings about this situation? She sounds completely self-absorbed and uncaring, and of course it feels horrible to watch her spend money on stuff she doesn't need when the rest of you are struggling. Has she always been like that? I would have an honest conversation with her, suggest she helps your parents with some money, and tell her you don't want to hear about her luxury purchases while you're worrying about covering basic expenses.

I understand this in normal circumstances (ie; without the child in the picture) but actually I think that isn't really on here.

Happenstance has it in the OP's name, but if I was the child and found my separated DM had sprinkled my deceased father's money around her "doing good at top speed". I'd actually feel that was sort of misappropriating it.

Presumably it has come to her either because he hadn't had time to change his will to leave it directly for the child, or because he needed her in a position to give the child a good life if something happened to him.

The thing is, she did the equivalent of 'marrying well' which wouldn't entitle you or your parents to any of her money. However, now you've shared the circumstances I don't see why you should be expected to applaud her spending. I'd just ask her to be a bit more tactful when it comes to talking about money.

Not so sad that she's rocking in a chair at home crying her eyes out is it? She's spending as she goes without a care in the world.

I accept that it could be PTSD alleviation or similar, so hopefully when the dust settles and the grief recedes somewhat she will help out. Unless it's all gone by then.

they are both feeling happy that the ogre is dead. He wasn't a nice man.

Hmm. If she's bought a holiday home she is investing it for DC....

I bought a sports car not long after DH died. I didn't get rich, but he left me comfortable, and realising how short life is, I decided to enjoy some of it.

TBH it's never occurred to me that my family would want me to help them.

I wouldn’t want her rubbing my nose in it and can understand your annoyance with her behaviour
But taking what is fundamentally her child’s inheritance from his/her father wouldn’t sit AT ALL well with me either. Not from the mother, but equally not from you, your siblings or your parents
That aside, presumably she would have stood to gain a shed load of cash in divorce too?

So they are celebrating spending his money.

Glad to know the child’s happy about it.

Wow. All well and good if your family are on a par with you financially, but if you were aware that they were struggling to make ends meet, would it still not occur to you that your family might really appreciate some help from you if you could give it?

"It is your money and you are entitled to spend it as you please, but we are all struggling, stressed, exhausted and I just don't want to hear about it, it is making me feel worse, I am sorry."

Perhaps rather than say anything try replacing the "oo"s and "aa"s with "very nice" as your stock response before promptly changing the subject. Eventually, she might get the hint!

Just go no contact with her. She sounds really thick skinned and selfish. £300k in a day. Now that is quite a lot.

It might be worth saying something like -

"If you're going to live as long as Mum and Dad you might want to set yourself an annual limit on your spending otherwise you won't have anything left for your own old age."

Surely she was living a pretty nice lifestyle when they were together and even when separated?

To what purpose?