To expect partner to accept job offer?

[bonfiretoffee88]

Background : I have 3 children who are not my partners, they live with me half of the month, the other half with their dad. My partner moved in with us 2 years ago. He has no children. He pays me £400 per month, as before he lived with me he lived with his sibling and that was what he paid them, and we agreed it wouldn't be fair for him to pay 50% of household bills as my outgoings are more due to my children. My bills have raised significantly since he has been here, mostly food, as he will not eat a single meal that doesn't have meat, whereas we used to eat mainly veggie.

I work full time. A few months ago, he lost his job. Since then, he has been actively job searching, had plenty of interviews and 3 job offers. He declined the first one as he didn't like the early start time, he declined the second because it was too far away, and the third because he wanted a higher wage (it was above minimum wage, and only paid 3k a year less than me as a healthcare professional). I think he has high expectations / demands for which jobs he is willing to accept as he has minimal qualifications and works in a manual job think along the lines of a labourer on a site.

I don't really know what my AIBU is, but I am fed up of coming home after a 13 hour shift, to find him gaming and the house is a mess - dishes not done, washing left on the line to be rained on, the other day he was eating his tea when I got back but when I asked if the kids had eaten he said he thought he would have fed themselves, so he hadn't actually fed them and the youngest is only 9. He also sits up until 3am talking into his headset, which really disturbs my sleep and I need to be up at 5am for work. He doesn't get out of bed till after lunchtime, when I work nightshift I have to come home, take the dog out, feed the dog and do all the washing / food prep before I go to bed as he just wouldn't. Financially I am struggling because now not only do I not have the £400 from him each month, I also have to pay his bills for him (car, hobby,alcohol, phone).
AIBU to think he should accept any job he is offered and then look for a better one when he is employed?

Glad you’ve made the right decision. Good luck getting rid of him. These types are like barnacles. Update us on how it goes and stay safe ❤

I don't think the OP sounds desperate for a man at all. She sounds desperate for support.

You have an extra overgrown teenager living in your house. Kick him out.

If that were true, she wouldn’t have moved this man in. Or she would have kicked him out after the first month. I am a single parent; you just don’t do this when you have kids and responsibilities to those kids, you just don’t. It screams desperation for a man.

Cocklodger. Get rid.

He's a prize leech op, he's sitting in clover with no intention of working, at home or otherwise. The solution is simple, whilst you are next on tidying up after him, pack his bags at the same time and sling him out, then it won't matter if he has a job or not,- not to you anyway.

Yes, the reason is he'd rather slob around and leech off his meal ticket than work and contribute like a proper adult.

Can you actually just chuck someone out your house? Their are so many laws these days, I just wondered how it works or if anyone has actually done this to a leeching partner before. (Obviously not a married one or with a joint mortgage)

He’s taking the piss! Get rid!

Well he has gone. He made a big thing about how he put up a shelf at the weekend, and couldn't comprehend what I was trying to explain about how I didn't want or need the shelf, and whilst putting it up he made an almighty mess that muggins here had to clean up. He didn't understand when I said that putting up a shelf is DIY, not a contribution to the daily running of the household.
He's very hung up on the idea that I'm annoyed because he turned down jobs - he doesn't understand why he should take a job that doesn't meet all of his requirements (requires no formal qualifications, pays above £29k, Mon-Fri, hours between 9-4 but wants to finish at 2pm most days ...) anyway I digress. He has gone 😀

Well done OP!

@bonfiretoffee88 great news! That’ll be a lot less stress for you - and a lot more money with The Leech.
How long dyou reckon before he tries to worm his way back?! Stay strong! 💐

Well done OP
Good luck to him in finding free living for putting up a shelf once in a while!
Ladies - any takers? 😂

Brilliant news! You must be breathing a huge sigh of relief having got rid of this burden.

Well done! Don’t forget to contact the council and get your single person discount back

Cocklodger. Tell him to move out.

Amazing news! Well done. I wonder how you feel about things now?

Well done. I would block him now in case he tries to hoover you back up

Well done @bonfiretoffee88!

Change the locks.

Overkill. He’s agreed to go, even if he’s had a bit of a grumble about it.

In your opinion.

Great result
onwards and upwards

Well done!

Sure - that’s what we are doing here, sharing opinions.

Out of interest, why do you think it’s worth the OP going to the expense and inconvenience of changing the locks?