Husband and Lindor

[Clementina49er]

A couple of weeks ago we were in Wilko together and he added a bx of Lindor in some weird flavour (possibly Baileys) to my shopping basket for which I paid without comment. They went on a shelf in the kitchen and I had maybe two out of the box before discovering the empty box a mere two days later. I made no comment but I must admit I thought "that's a lot of chocolate to eat between meals in such a short time."
Ten days later I saw a box of Lindor dark chocolate mint flavour in Sainsburys so I bought them. I have a bit of a thing for dark chocolate and mint.... but a box of Bendicks lasts me at least a fortnight.
The Lindor went in the cupboard but I'd have one from to time to time in the evening with a cup of coffee after my meal.... they weren't "hidden " as such because DH is perfectly capable of opening the cupboard door.... but I know what he's like with chocolate, sweets and biscuits and a packet left anywhere visible in the kitchen will be empty before you can say "I was looking forward to eating one of those"... After lunch I noticed him go and help himself to one of the Lindor.... I made no comment, and decided I'd have one too..... I did notice there weren't many left in the box butagain, I didn't comment.... he's a grown man.
However, when I saw with his hand in the box less than an hour later something snapped and I said "only one a day": he was very offended, but he knows where the supermarket is and has enough money to buy his own damn chocolate if he wants to make a pig of himself.... He is noticeably overweight and has a sweet tooth as well as a love of alcohol and fatty foods. I cook from scratch and we eat healthy, nutritious, filling meals so I really hate to see the crap he eats in between times, not because he's hungry, but because it's there.He buys bags of Doritos and creamy dips, adds mayonnaise to meals which have their own sauce and puts 3tsp of sugar in his coffee. I make no comment about any of this, but AIBU to set a rule that expensive chocolate which I have bought is limited to one a day? There is actually other chocolate in plain view on the table, so he could have helped himself to that, but he decided he wanted a second Lindor. I rather suspect that if I hadn't seen him with his hand in the box I would have gone to it this evening for a chocolate and found it empty.

It does all sound very prissy. One a day, eating between meals, having one after a meal.

I am a bit of a chocoholic though, but thankfully just lately I’ve found a lot of chocolate has become too sweet and I’m not so addicted anymore. Lindor/Lindt is another matter though, I love those!

Now that would last me two weeks 😁

She got them for herself. He's already shown that he doesn't replace them when he pigs out. Therefore if she is willing to share them it's completely reasonable to put a limit on them. It would also be completely reasonable for her to say he can't have any and to buy his own.

I'd be very annoyed if my dh stole my chocolates so fair enough.

Bigger issue is that you clearly dislike like your husband for being overweight. Might be time for a grown up conversation about how you feel about his obvious issues with food.

I can make chocolates last for weeks: my DH and DD don’t seem to be able to, so I hide my chocolate in my office so I can have one when I choose. I do make sure that I don’t touch the “family” chocolates, though - and if they burn through those they have to wait for a next purchase! Same with biscuits…

So let him complain that you’ve been hiding chocolate again. You can reply by pointing out that you have to to stop him eating it all. I don’t see an issue with this at all.

Its not at all "controlling". OP wants to eat one a day of her nice chocolate, she doesn't want him pigging the lot when he can buy his own flipping chocolate. Why can't she have nice things? I never eat more than one chocolate a day either. I don't want to be fat again. I've been there and Im not going back.

Why would he buy “his own chocolate” when the existing chocolate was part of the household grocery shop? It’s their chocolate, they just have different opinions on how it should be eaten.

He doesn’t have to - she can remove half the contents of the box that they have bought to share, leaving him to have the other half and putting/hiding her half somewhere where he can’t scoff her share within a day. If he is incapable of restricting himself to an even share, extreme measures are in order!

Hard disagree. If a man were to give his partner a one chocolate a day limit because she was overweight, or ate like a pig, he would be called a controlling abuser.

Wow. Being so judgmental and unkind is even more unattractive

That doesn’t include controlling how he consumes his half to one a day. Who can just eat one chocolate? They’re designed to be addictive.

But it's one of her chocolates a day, he can buy and eat as much of his own.

DH buys his own ham for his work sandwiches. I wouldn't eat that without checking he has enough for the next day.

Would you mind if he responded by saying ‘yes but only one, because you’re overweight?’.

OP didn't say that, she was just annoyed he was eating her chocolates when he could buy his own.

OP - is this even about the chocolate? Do you love him anymore? And I mean seriously. Give it some thought.

Because this sounds awful. Whether you say anything to him or not, you’re sitting there watching everything he’s eating, and getting more and more embittered. Jesus, you listed how much sugar he puts in his tea/coffee.

It sounds like a hell of a lot of built up resentment - it sounds like you are no longer able to separate your feelings about his weight and your feelings about him.

But you need to make some lasting change, because all this monitoring of him is making you start to sound like a crazy person, and I sincerely doubt that someone who feels sheer blinding anger over what another individual eats is someone you ever wanted to be.

And just in case you need justification, it’s not about chocolate - it’s about selfishness, really. Like you said, you blurted out “one a day” because you feared there would be none left. And it sounds like you’re angry about how his weight will affect your lives permanently, not because you want him to have a “gym body” or such.

Don’t let his behavior make you into someone you don’t like.

No, OP told her DH 'only one a day.'

She writes that she 'knows what he's like with chocolate' so why did it come as a complete surprise that her ate the lot?

So the simple solution is to either not buy it at all (and let DH buy his own if he wants it) or hide it.

Telling another person that they can only have one chocolate a day* is *controlling.

I can't believe this really warrants a thread on Mumsnet to be honest. Just buy it and hide it or don't bloody buy it.

Christ OP you sound pretty controlling. In our house, if there is occasionally a box of lindors, it will just be left out and anyone (me, DH, 2 teens) will just eat them whenever. Nobody monitors who ate how many and nobody cares either. As long as they are out of the dog's reach, there is no issue.

Only read the first page so might be repeating others. I think there are two separate issues here.

1. I wouldn’t like someone eating all ‘my’ chocolates if I had bought them specially or had them as a gift. This would be DH or children, so we generally have a rule that we ask or wait to be offered before taking this type of chocolate/ treats in the house. General bought treats are fair game.

2. He’s a grown adult so I really wouldn’t like someone telling me I could only have one chocolate per day. That isn’t your call. It’s his.

To be honest@Jaichangecentfoisdenom it’s not self restraint 😂 I find them a real treat so I’ll occasionally take my time with one by having half now, half later - especially when it’s the only one I’ve got left 😃

First, stop controlling his eating he's a grown up, secondly if its on the family shopping is it not family food?
If he has weight and diet issues surely discuss it and agree to make changes to your family shopping habits to help support him.

Embarrassingly competitive undereating here.

I find the way you're describing your husband very unpleasant.

If this wasn't about food, if this was something like "DH keeps using my expensive hand cream on his feet and never buys his own", would everyone still be Team DH?

Simple, keep the Lindor in the salad drawer, doesn’t sound like he’ll find them there.