To plan another baby at 37?

[Anotherbaby36]

I’m looking for someone to tell me that I’ve completely lost my mind!
I have 4 children, and I absolutely love the chaos! I love all their personalities and watching them grow. I am lucky enough to be a stay at home mum even though I have 2 teens, the youngest 2 are toddlers.
We are getting married next year and I can’t help feeling that another baby would be so welcome and wanted in our family! However, I would be 37 (all being well fertility wise) once baby would be here.
All I keep doing is counting up in age at how old I would be on the school runs etc and would my
husband and I be too old to travel once the children had their own lives.
I can’t stop thinking about another baby! But is this because I'm sad that I just won’t have one again if that makes sense?
thank you!

The fact you say your 14 and 12 years don’t want much from you now tells me everything I need to know. Don’t have more children, I suspect you’re already spread too thin.

You are not the outlier in my experience. Teenagers still desperately need their parents, it’s just they can more easily conceal it if the parent is distracted.

I agree. Those upcoming teenage years are emotionally very difficult as well as having the pressure of exams and ucas applications. Even your existing toddlers will be an annoyance and distraction to your older two.

Your maths is a bit off in your advice to op though ...

She probably doesn’t realise as she has no experience of teenagers without baby/toddlers around. But I’ve never felt more needed and I don’t think mine are hard work or anything, when they were babies and toddlers it was easier to outsource their care really as anyone can change a nappy 🤣 (I’m being a bit flippant) but now, they lean on me in such a specifically different way. And I remember feeling the same about my mum.

Not the point.

The point is not her age but the fact it would be child No. 5.

As long as they are looked after, you can choose to have kids for whatever reason you want.
Who's to say having even one in this world is sensible? 😂
And yet some people are capable of having 10 and some none at all.
So, collect all you want people 🤣

True

Well isn't that interesting

I had my second at 37. There’s no problems with it age wise. As I think others have mentioned, there is a risk with adding more children to the mix. Every baby can potentially have different problems. Both mine are ND, I have lots of health problems, DH is starting to get health problems. We’re both around 50 now and our youngest has just started secondary school. Being honest, we’re struggling. Plenty of people our age with similar age kids are doing great, we got unlucky. You’ve had four healthy kids. I think there’s a strong argument for quitting while you’re ahead.

You are not too old but 4 kids is more than enough. I wouldn't compramize the life you have. With 2 toddlers you can travel ect

Honestly no I do not think you should, unless you are extremely wealthy.

Your age is no bother - my sister had her first at 37 - but the fact you have 4 already, and the youngest are small but not that small, I think you're just thinking about the baby stage again.

I’m 37 and we just had our fifth in June. Kids get loads of time with us because of the age gaps. The three eldest are boys are keep asking us to have one more but I am done done done after an emergency C section and HG.

The main difference though is I work full time (education so I’m off all their holidays) and have a full life outside of children with work, family and friends so I think that helps. I also could afford everything should DH die or leave or etc (and I live where there’s no real help for uni fees so we pay them all and save 2500pa per kiddo from 0-18 to afford it). Those are big considerations on whether you go for a fifth.

I had my 1st at 38 and 2nd at 43.....my kids are 8&3, I've just moved careers and looking at starting an employment law degree, I go to the gym, run about after my kids.... usual mum stuff

We only have one child but I was 37 when he was born. Do I regret it? Never! If we'd been able to have another in my 40s, we would have done.

I mean this kindly OP, but invest in some therapy instead of having more DC. And make a point of allocating time specifically to your 12 and 14 year old. To say they don't need you is indicative of a problem - the 12 year old has barely left primary school and shouldn't be relying on his friends constantly. Give them time away from the toddlers, they really do need a parent still and perhaps in the chaos that you love, they don't see that they have space with you anymore. Mine certainly needed me a lot in the teenage years, there was a stage around GCSE-A levels that I was at the school weekly for parent information sessions. They are very much still children, don't write them off as not needing you at this young age.

Agree I imagine they are hard ages. I have a nearly 11 year old and it's challenging they have their own personalities and the things he wants are more expensive along with clothes and trainers.

But you don’t already have 4 children, including two toddlers and a 12 and 14 year old?! How would anyone be able to give these children the time and attention they deserve?

I had 3 children who were 8,9 & 11. I gave birth to my unplanned baby last year at 37.
It is the best thing I’ve done. I cannot tell you how much I have thoroughly enjoyed it.

Hmmm you eldest 2 aren't really all that old though. You haven't really hit the stressful expensive older teen years yet. Brace yourself lol 😆 Driving lessons cost a small fortune, loads of my friends forked out for an old car for their 17 year olds & both my kids (DD 21 & DS17) are at Uni or want to go to Uni. We're spending all our Saturdays driving our DS and his friends round the south of UK atm looking at Unis. I honestly don't know how people afford to have lots of kids these days. Plus the time and energy that goes into worrying about older teens/young adults can feel immense at times. We had our kids relatively young when I was 28 then 32. So now we've turned 50 and I can see a new life beckoning just round the corner when myself and DH get to travel more and do things just the 2 of us. My own parents died when they were 72 & 77 so I want to pack things in sooner rather than later just in case I don't live to be 90. 🤷‍♀️

Absolutely this! plus I've seen what can happen to my DS friends who are 17/18 when their parents no longer 'parents' them at all cos they're too busy with babies/toddlers. Older teens can go completely off the rails without guidance/interest. Their mental health can be very fragile too as they navigate entering the adult world and possibly leaving home, going to Uni or getting their 1st proper job or apprenticeship.

I am one of four, and I remember when I was around 13 my parents asking me if it was OK to have a foster child.

I flat out did not want them to bring another child into our family. But I said exactly what the OP's kids said, "I don't care", "it's up to you and dad". Partly because that's what I thought they wanted me to say and partly because they had never paid me enough attention for me to think that my voice counted.

Thankfully, my parents decided against it. Possibly because social services thought it wasn't a good idea to place a child in a family with four kids already.

Don't do it. Your kids won't thank you.

You are not too old, I had my third child at 40, 23 years ago and me and my husband are still travelling 😀 The only thing I would say is helping 3 of them with Cars, Uni rent etc and now money towards house deposits and weddings means we don’t have a lot of savings! I know you don’t have to help your children financially but it’s something I always wanted to be able to do. Just helping with University for 5 would have been very difficult.

Not everyone thinks/assumes that paying for driving lessons is part of parenting though. I used to follow the Radford family and they seem to think children don't need parents after the age of about 7!

I just had my fifth baby at 39. I didn't feel done after 4 and really wanted another but DH didn't. I felt so sad about it and was struggling to accept that we were done. I then fell pregnant unexpectedly. The other kids adore this one and absolutely dote on her. They all say she's their favourite and they love spending time with her. I now feel completely done and do not feel at all broody. I'm glad things worked the way they did as is my DH- we feel very blessed to have DD. It is hard with 5 and hard to split your time between them all but it is doable. I do understand your point about your age- I'm also constantly thinking about how old I'll be at each stage of their lives!