Hoarder in-laws want us to inherit their stuff

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My in-laws in their 70s are serious hoarders. They have a massive house filled with stuff.

They have repeatedly told my DH and me that they will not sort out their belongings and expect us to inherit or sell everything after they pass, believing it's all valuable.
For example, hundreds of DVDs, crystal decor, old DIY tools, and casual "jewellery" that's not my taste and to be blunt, not worth inheriting, the quality of something you would see in Claire's or Accessorize.

DH has sincerely explained that majority of their possessions have little to no value, and we do not want them. We offered to help them declutter or sell items, but they refuse, as they are unwilling to give things away for free or accept low selling prices.

We live in a tiny terrace with no storage. I dread the enormous task of clearing their 4-bedroom house, annex, and workshop when the time comes.
AIBU to think what they are asking of us is very selfish?

I would be very clear that you will be getting a clearance company in to get rid of the lot.

It is, yes, but hoarding is a mental illness. When the time comes, if you can’t face the task, there are companies you can call in to do it for you. I have an elderly hoarder mother so I do sympathise.

Pay a house clearance firm. They are pretty ruthless and most will go in a skip, so the process doesn't take very long.

We've had to do this recently. 4 bedroom house , 2 lofts and a huge garage. If they won't clear it, set aside money to pay for skips or house clearance because it takes weeks to sort out. Be aware there's certain things you can't put in skips. Make friends with the local scrap metal person. It's brutal and took 3 of us around 6 weeks. If your in laws are adamant they won't clear it, they really won't !

I wouldn't bother. Hoarders rarely have any insight into the condition, especially co-hoarders.

OP, if I were you I would just stop stressing. You will never change them. Just resign yourself to getting the house cleared once they've gone.

Just start saving now for a house clearance company to empty the house when the time comes.
I doubt they’ll change their minds.

I suppose it is to an extent but they probably don't feel any differently about their stuff to 'normal' people who no-one would expect to spend their latter years selling off their belongings to save you a job. I appreciate they might have an excessive amount of stuff but they probably don't see it that way. I say this is someone who's in-laws live in a massive house with multiple outbuildings, all packed full of junk. Ultimately we will need to spend months and months throwing stuff away when they are dead. It is what it is.

No its not very selfish at all.

They shouldn't live their life to suit you.

Presumably when they die you will inherit. For that, you will have to do some work.

Take the stuff out the house that you want. Then order some skips and hire some people to shovel all the stuff into them.

It's neither hard nor particularly expensive.

pay a clearance company to do it. Spend 1 day having a quick look through things to see if there's anything you'd like to keep,

But it does seem a shame for your DH to have told his parents all their stuff is worth nothing! Yes it might not be worth any money, but he must want something from them. A few childhood christmas decorations? A few things to remind himself of his parents?

You can't turn down what they want you to inherit!

When they die, just call in a house clearance company who will sell anything of value and get rid of the junk. You will have a little left over.

My parents spent so long decluttering my grandparents house after they died that they're now decluttering their own stuff!

Yes, it's selfish.

However, it's also not something they have the power to require of you. You can get a clearance company to sort it all out. It was not remotely unreasonable of DH to tell them the truth, but they evidently don't want to hear it so just proceed on that basis.

My husband is facing similar and totally overwhelmed. He and his family are "sentimental" ie terrified of throwing things away in case its useful for an unknown purpose at an unspecific point of time i the future.

We agreed a pick through to retrieve the better things and then we would hire professional clearance company and remove the cost from the estate

In the interim, do not let this live rent free in your head.

I don’t think there’s any point trying to discuss this with them, they are not going to see sense. The house will have to be cleared when either the last one dies or goes into a nursing home and you need to sell it to pay the fees. By which point they will be in no position to influence what happens and, if they are still alive, won’t have any means of checking up on what you’ve done with everything from the nursing home. I’m afraid you will be stuck dealing with it, but as others have said you can pay a clearance company to do it for you. If the house is owned the sale price should more than cover it. In the meantime, there is absolutely no point getting stressed over the situation when you cannot change it, and it’s better not to damage your relationship with them trying to change it.

I really really would try to detach from the stress of it. Perhaps tell them once you wont be keeping ANY of it. Then don't bother trying to convince them after that. When they pass Id do a whole house clearance.

I saw a post on "dull men's club" on Facebook where a fella had helpfully and gleefully taken two sheds worth of man shed stuff away for free. 🤦

Perhaps before getting a clearance company in you could do a few open house days where people can take what they want for free? Charity shops often pick up items too.

You can't change them sadly. Just resign yourself to the fact they are mentally unwell and it will be something you all have to deal with when they pass. 😔

You are being massively unfair OP
They are perfectly entitled to live in whatever state they want with as much clutter surrounding them as they like

As others have said just get a clearance company in. We did this with my in laws, didn’t take as long as I thought and wasn’t hugely expensive, about £800 for a 3 bed semi.

No point in saying anything about it in their later years, let them do what they want. No point upsetting them.

Either get a house clearance company in or take out anything of value and have a garage sale and sell it off very cheap one weekend. What hasn’t gone give away the next weekend.
Whatever you choose to do just don’t tell them your plans

The company we used split everything into three vans … charity, auction and last resort, dump. They then took a percentage of the auction amount.

I dunno, maybe I'm feeling sensitive to this as my sibling has openly said how much tat is in my parents house and how difficult it will be when they die. They are in ok health, and have some lovely things that I look forward to inheriting, like my mums collection of christmas plates and dishes, the christmas decorations, nice family photos and some furniture that I grew up with.

Yes there a lot of tat, but that'll go to the charity shop after they are dead. I think it's heartbreaking to consider how much money is spent on stuff that only gong to end up in the bin when it was someone's treasured possessions!

Charity shops and a big skip will sort it once they're gone. You're not going to change them now so no point falling out over it.
We were pretty ruthless with my parent's stuff tbh. I think they'd have been horrified but then they were never going to know.
I took a few photos of objects I remembered from my childhood before getting rid of them as they certainly weren't things I'd want in my house.

Have a search for your local Emmaus and get a quote for clearing service of whole house when the time comes.
Will cost thousands by the sounds of it, but you’ll be supporting a homeless charity, whilst solving a problem.

Clearance companies will do this work. They have efficient processes to categorise everything. When the inlaws pass on, you can get a couple to come around and evaluate the hoard - if there is clearly some valuable stuff in amongst the junk they will do the sorting in exchange for a price based on the value of the worthwhile stuff they identify. If there's no evidence that any of it is valuable you'll just have to oay for a big skip. But it's way better for them to do that for you to - if family members set themselves the task they get sidetracked by guilt or nostalgia and it takes much longer, so leave it to the professionals .

My FIL is the same and my SIL have picked up on his tendencies.

It is a very difficult condition and I am absolutely dreading when the time comes having to deal with them especially with regards to MILs belongings which they will not be able to part with but it is not a now issue so I’ll leave it where it belongs in the recesses of my mind.

Order a skip, fill the skip, job done.

It's not just about how they're living, it's the expectation of what should be done with their possessions after they pass. It would be different if they understood that it's not up to them once they're gone, particularly if they were willing to make sure items of genuine sentimental value were kept separate from the old CDs and the like.