Hoarder in-laws want us to inherit their stuff

[Xmasiscomingsoon]

My in-laws in their 70s are serious hoarders. They have a massive house filled with stuff.

They have repeatedly told my DH and me that they will not sort out their belongings and expect us to inherit or sell everything after they pass, believing it's all valuable.
For example, hundreds of DVDs, crystal decor, old DIY tools, and casual "jewellery" that's not my taste and to be blunt, not worth inheriting, the quality of something you would see in Claire's or Accessorize.

DH has sincerely explained that majority of their possessions have little to no value, and we do not want them. We offered to help them declutter or sell items, but they refuse, as they are unwilling to give things away for free or accept low selling prices.

We live in a tiny terrace with no storage. I dread the enormous task of clearing their 4-bedroom house, annex, and workshop when the time comes.
AIBU to think what they are asking of us is very selfish?

this.

@godmum56 that might depend on whether you believe in an afterlife or not ….relative might be looking over your shoulder whilst you load the skip!!

Sympathies, personal experience! This is sadly just one of life's things to accept get on with when the time comes.

Four piles. Bin, donate, sell, keep.

I’m in the process (fingers crossed) of selling my late parents property.
Large house both lived there over forty years. So far I’d say it’s 90% cleared.
four large skips. Over 30 bags of clothes for charity shop. Hired a van, and filled it for local dump. House clearance company broke up and took all the heavy furniture, that nobody wanted. One more skip to go and we should be there. It’s costly, time consuming and at times very upsetting. My son and I still have flashbacks to the day we tackled the ‘loft of doom!”😮

They wouldn’t part with anything, my dad in particular, “incase it came in handy “, hence a garage full of broken tools, strimmers, kettles, empty paint pots, two broken lawn mowers. The loft had 19 empty quality street tins in it! Often I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so sometimes did both.

They won’t change OP, when they were both healthy I’d suggest a clear out, offer to pay for a skip, but they refused point blank. It’s a horrible process.

No, you are not being unreasonable. We had exactly the same situation. ILs weren't exactly hoarders in the strict meaning of the word, but they never threw anything away, even when it was broken.

So we had a three bed bungalow to clear in COVID when tips and charity shops were shut.

What we did, as we had plenty of time as the world outside had stopped, was cleared the biggest room and moved the kitchen table and dining room table in. This became a sorting room. So the contents of drawers, cupboards etc were transported in to this room and put on the tables to be sorted. Then each of the three bedrooms were allocated a different purpose:-

"Us" - which was stuff we wanted, stuff that could possibly be sold and stuff other family members might like.

"Charity shop"

"Dump"

As soon as we could get a skip we had a roomful of stuff to go straight in it.

We boxed up the stuff suitable for a charity collection and got it collected by a local charity warehouse.

Furniture was collected by LA disposal services at a cost.

It was a faff, and made more complicated because of circumstances, but once we had a plan of what to do it fell into place.

@Xmasiscomingsoon would they agree to at least put all useful paperwork together in one place perhaps with your help. At least then you would know about insurance, utilities, banks etc. If amenable might the6 then agree to gathering up photos in one place.
I notice a pp said just pop in and have a quick look, not at all doable as trash and treasure tend to end up totally admixed

Have this with my stepdad. Nightmare. Any suggestion of starting to clear stuff out now is met with fierce resistance. Even a massive pile of bricks in his outhouse. Apparently, they're valuable and he'll sell them online. This from a man who has zero SM and doesn't even have a mobile phone

Truth is they don't care as when they're dead it's not their problem. It's very selfish

so long as they don't keep taking stuff out, they will be welcome.

The point is, there'd be nothing to take on if PILs hadn't engaged in this particular piece of selfishness. They could've just not done it. And DH being clear with them has had no impact at all.

The problem with people like this is sunk costs. My mother is like this. They had a rug that with my dad's mobility problems is frankly dangerous, he tripped over it twice but she wouldnt get rid of it as "it cost £100!" it was only when I asked if her husband was worth less than £100 to her then, that she agreed to get rid of it. Except it is still in the house as "it cost £100!" The fact that it is now worth nothing is passing her by, to her it is worth £100 as that is what it cost her. Getting rid of it is to her like throwing away cash. She wont have that she had several years use out of it. Its why their attic is full of things that havent been used in years but because they cost hard cash, she wont throw them out.

Most of it will be going to the tip when the time comes, but I cant tell her that as she simply wouldnt understand why we would throw out stuff that in her head is worth money.

but there is still nothing to take on apart from organising house clearance?

It will be a lot easier to clear it when they've gone than to try and work with them to do it when they're alive. I've tried it with my hoarder step-father (they needed the space for his medical equipment) and it did not end well.

pay a clearance company to do it. Spend 1 day having a quick look through things to see if there's anything you'd like to keep,

FIl did this when his brother went in a home - said it was worth the money to have it done and not hanging over them. They handed over some missed pictures at the end as well which was nice.

My DGP health suffered when they had to deal with my Great Aunts house - she was a hoarder but also was hiding money and Jewellery all over the house and had for many years. It was the travel back and forth and the huge amount of work on top - my parents pitched in but there only so much time round two jobs and kids they could spare. Grandparents tried to sort thing before they died but it was still a huge amount and they did get rid of and sell quite a lot.

Mum was going to have a big clear out - so didn't fall on us but she's tried run out of steam and can't be bothered now it's too hard for her to get rid of things. Plus there a fair bit she likes having round her.

My FiL begged me to get a skip for him to declutter because his daughters kept telling him he shouldn't get rid of stuff. He told them to take anything they wanted, but it seemed they didn't want it, but didn't want him to get rid.
So, I ordered a skip, and spent a weekend getting rid of a load of stuff, one of his daughters turned up, and pitched in to help clear.

They’re mentally ill OP and they want to know their hoard will be safe after their death. Just give them the reassurance they need that you will “take care” of their hoard and set their minds at rest.

Once they’re gone you just pay for clearance as everyone has said.

yup sensible answer.

God we had teddies that had been eaten by mice & every single card my MIL had been sent in her whole life, including ones she'd written to herself from her awful husband. 😂
Luckily probate took ages so there was plenty of time to get rid of stuff.

My brother and I had this when our grandad died and it was miserable. So when our other grandparents started talking about it, we were very blunt (probably a bit rude tbh) and basically said we're not sorting through a huge house. Either you sort it out or we'll get a skip and a random house clearance and we wont be able to inherit anything. We explained how grandad had made grieving 1000% worse and how we have some awful memories of going through his things. We also pointed out that becsuse we had to go through everything, we found out things about him that he really wouldnt have wanted us to know.
Its slow going but they have got rid of a lot of stuff since then (including some jewellery that I would have loved to have had - the irony!)

Just dealing with the death of hoarder in-laws (a rammed full 5 bed, full attic and garage). Here’s my advice, just say yes and budget out of their estate for an estate clearance company. If they need to go into care then it’s their problem.

Don't even say anything. When the time comes just do it!

In the meantime just smile and nod

Just shrug and tell them it'll all be taken by the clearance company.

Do ask them to do LPA for finances though. Otherwise if they become incapacitated and go into care it’s extremely complicated.

I'm NOK for an older relative who has had bedbugs treated several times but his house is full of old DVDs, books etc so they keep coming back. Will a clearance firm still clear a house that has had bed bugs? And will the bed bugs also be in the stuff in the loft?

My inlaws are hoarders and have no intention of doing anything about it. They live in the states in a 6 bedroom house with 2 attics and a full basement and you can barely walk around in some rooms. It will 100% be our problem and we have no idea what we are going to do about it. There's absolutely nothing we want out of there and the whole situation makes me feel sick.

So no advice, just solidarity.

There exists an expectation. That's the 'something'. PIL have created it, when they could have simply not done so.