Hoarder in-laws want us to inherit their stuff

[Xmasiscomingsoon]

My in-laws in their 70s are serious hoarders. They have a massive house filled with stuff.

They have repeatedly told my DH and me that they will not sort out their belongings and expect us to inherit or sell everything after they pass, believing it's all valuable.
For example, hundreds of DVDs, crystal decor, old DIY tools, and casual "jewellery" that's not my taste and to be blunt, not worth inheriting, the quality of something you would see in Claire's or Accessorize.

DH has sincerely explained that majority of their possessions have little to no value, and we do not want them. We offered to help them declutter or sell items, but they refuse, as they are unwilling to give things away for free or accept low selling prices.

We live in a tiny terrace with no storage. I dread the enormous task of clearing their 4-bedroom house, annex, and workshop when the time comes.
AIBU to think what they are asking of us is very selfish?

Just smile sweetly, say OK then get the number if a skip company when the time comes.

Christmas gift idea for them: the book The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter

My dad told my sibling he keeps sums of money in the house, hidden in a coded place only he knows, some within pages of books. So every book will need to be checked (1000s) plus it could be amongst the uni notes in boxes from the 1960s or the boxes of broken walkmans and hairdryers that might have come in handy or maybe in the 60 year old box of Christmas decorations. When the time comes we might get all grandchildren on board as a kind of treasure hunt. It makes me sad now but I used to really stress about it. We can't have family gatherings for years now, visiting is difficult for us.

Smile
nod

hire in house clearance company

job done

😮 How would you feel if your DC gave you that?

You will hire a skip

either you dad is blowing smoke up the ass of your sibling

or

your sibling is blowing smoke up your ass!

if you arent careful you'll find certain items eg a teapot with no lid or a gravy boat thats chipped that evokes certain memories and you decide to keep it and the mantle is passed over. if you are sure there is nothing of value monetarily or sentimental just get someone in

I doubt there is any inherited house that does NOT need clearing out. No matter how tidy and "unhoarding" a person may be, their tastes and likes in furniture and "stuff" may be rubbish when they die. But there are varying degrees of clearing out I suppose.

I know in my own case, despite the fact that over the past year or so I've done the Swedish art of death cleaning (kind of!) and I have a lot of things down to the minimum, the house will still need to be cleared out. Minimum for me is a load of crap to someone else, and it will still have to be cleared when I go. But it's not as bad as a hoarder's house admittedly.

The only things of value (to me) that I kept were albums of old photos. I am in the process, slowly of copying them on to a usb storage thinggy and getting the originals up to the attic. There's nothing else up there besides the Christmas tree!

We are doing this. FIL died a few months ago. We got a clearance firm in after doing an thorough sweep of everything especially papers and tax records back over 40 years.
Actually will make a couple of thousand at auction with stuff (well commission comes off that but it more than breaks even. We are now doing our house as I have a lot of stuff having been here 30 years and brought up 2 children.
With fil we sent 1.3 tonnes of junk to the tip.
Once you get into it it doesn't take long but you do have to be quite ruthless at times.

The house clearance firm (well established company, covers whole of Sussex) we have just used has a policy to avoid landfill where possibe and recycle, sell in car boots/ give to charity shops. Just putting it out there is case the idea of it all going to landfill puts people off using house clearance companies in general.

I did this with my uncle's house - two bedrooms but otherwise largish and with a garage and shed. We went through and took paperwork and any bits we fancied - but in fact there was nothing worth anything. Even his treasured cabinet of silver was EPNS, and he had collected those commemorative coins which I gave to my nephew but I don't think they were worth anything. We got house clearance in and I just looked up the invoice from 2019 - £1500.00. They did it in just over a day and I don't think they could sell anything on. They recycled, gave to charity and tipped stuff and shredded any paperwork we had left. They hoovered up after they had finished, but i still had to get cleaners in. I really couldn't have faced doing it all myself - we didn't live locally either.

My parents started sorting their house out but one got sick and eventually died. The other, now very elderly, is clear they won't be getting rid of anything. They are not a hoarder, but own a large house with plenty of cupboards and other storage.

It's a shame the decluttering won't continue and it's not a job I look forward to as such, because it will be very difficult emotionally, but I dont resent them. They are entitled to keep living for now with their possessions surrounding them.

Also their things are mostly not rubbish but maybe not to my taste, or that of my siblings.

It is what it is.

Yet again the very first reply nails it ...

There’s a difference between functional houses full of an enormous amount of stuff, houses with known but unfindable valuables as per @Dontlletmedownbruce, and pathological hoarding. Your parents sound like the first. In which case, don’t spend 20 years worrying about something that will take a few weeks when the time comes.

My mum had sorted her stuff out. It still wasn’t easy at all to do, especially as she’d moved into a nursing home rather than died. The worst bit was trying to prevent sibling blowups about various possessions.

Argh, the Toby jugs and Doulton figures, see also Crown Derby, Royal Worcester, Portmeirion and I don't know how many other 'collections'. Cupboards full of 'family silver' and 'family glass'. None of it of any real value, yet all of it worth a few pounds. I absolutely dread it.

Honestly ,the likelihood of 2 elderly parents both being able to stay living in a large 4 bed house up to the age of both their deaths without reliance on family or care earlier than that is pretty low so don’t stress!

surely it doesn't matter if they understand or not because they will be dead?

@MagpiesAreBastards my sister and I have what we call Heirloom Avoidance Syndrome. I feel like I’ve become allergic to all the stuff. No doubt my son will also come to feel I’ve got too much to deal with but certainly at the moment I happily accept it’s worth nothing to anyone else.

Unfortunately it’s quite possible you’ll have to do it before any inheritance if one or both go into care / have to downsize.

It won't matter then, no. It matters now because of the expectations they've laid out whilst still alive and the impact this is having on their loved ones. They could've carried on living happily amongst their hundreds of DVDs without doing that, the two things are separate.

Be careful about attic storage! I emptied my attic last year because I have got a trashed knee and was beginning to struggle to get up there. This year (actually 2 weeks ago) a squirrel got in there and I needed to get a pest controller in. He commented how unusual it was and how beneficial to have an empty attic because otherwise someone would have had to go through the boxes to dispose of what was chewed poo'ed on, nested in or all three!

There is nothing to be gained by getting stressed or annoyed about this now. Why waste your energy?

Like others have said, you can't change them, so just accept that you know it is coming in the future.

My MIL is similar. A lot of her furniture she paid a lot of money for 40 years ago, so still thinks it will be worth a lot know. She wants to get rid of stuff, but won't accept it will only sell for small amounts. Constantly contacting auction houses as she believes everything she owns is worth a lot.

DH and I have accepted it will be up to us to clear it all once she is gone.

But the loved ones don't have to take on those expectations? They can either be clear with their relis or they can just nod and smile. They don't have to worry about "what Mum or Dad will think" or how they will feel because they will be dead.