Hoarder in-laws want us to inherit their stuff

[Xmasiscomingsoon]

My in-laws in their 70s are serious hoarders. They have a massive house filled with stuff.

They have repeatedly told my DH and me that they will not sort out their belongings and expect us to inherit or sell everything after they pass, believing it's all valuable.
For example, hundreds of DVDs, crystal decor, old DIY tools, and casual "jewellery" that's not my taste and to be blunt, not worth inheriting, the quality of something you would see in Claire's or Accessorize.

DH has sincerely explained that majority of their possessions have little to no value, and we do not want them. We offered to help them declutter or sell items, but they refuse, as they are unwilling to give things away for free or accept low selling prices.

We live in a tiny terrace with no storage. I dread the enormous task of clearing their 4-bedroom house, annex, and workshop when the time comes.
AIBU to think what they are asking of us is very selfish?

That’s awful @funnelfan . I had similar when clearing my grandparents’ apartment in France. Arranged for charity to come over ( Emmaus). Went to France specifically for this. On the day they didn’t turn up. Said they’d called the previous week! In the end cleared it myself with help from
former colleagues of my grandfather’s, DH, and GPs cleaning lady and brothers took anything they could use/ resell. Stressful.

Thought England to Scotland was bad enough! Yeah, you can have the best laid plans and other people let you down and just adds even more stress. DH was threatening to burn the lot in the back garden and he wasn’t joking. The council came back the next week, mainly because he pointed out he’d paid their fee so was entitled to ask them them to come and do what they were paid to do.

He’s currently filling up our recycling bin with his old uni lecture notes.

Lecture notes! My dad was a hoarder and forbade me from throwing my old A level notes away, because I might want to teach biology one day! Even though I was 10 years into my health professional career!Threw the lot away when he got dementia and couldn’t intercept me on the way out of his garage.

@funnelfan

In my case, Mum and Dad had cleaned out the loft (with my DH's help) some years previously, plus the shed.

I had to empty the rented property when Mum moved in with me. The shed had been re-filled by then.

I went through that and had the shed transported to our garden. (It did make economic sense, I promise.)

Clearing the rest of the house and transporting furniture to my place was still stressful. I did get a local house clearance firm, but I still had to go through everything first. They don't work quite like the usual firms that you pay for. Basically, they check out the house beforehand and decide whether they can get any money for the white goods: the washing machine was taken directly from Mum's place to their customer. I'd already given the cooker and a Craftmatic bed to a colleague; the fridge freezer came over to the extension for Mum.

The firm reluctantly agreed to take a couple of pieces of furniture and the carpet to the tip for me. (The tip was very close to the estate.) They also got other items to sell on in their shop, but I can't quite remember what they were now - large mirrors and pictures, I think.

Mum had put her paperwork in order for me...but when I went through it, it was muddled - dementia had got in the way. (It genuinely had been in order previously.)

The worst problem was getting rid of a large concrete garden roller which Dad had got in 1959. To my astonishment, a picture on Freecyle resulted in three people wanting it.

I then had to run about filling and painting nail holes etc to keep the council happy. I'd managed to keep most of the garden in check, but hired someone to rotovate one section and prune a couple of trees.

I also had to call a local joiner to remove the safety gate on the stair and replace a door Dad had removed between the kitchen and hallway. (The door was stored in the hut.) Then I had to pain the door and where the gate had been.

God bless the joiner, he refused to take any payment so I gave him and his apprentice something to pay for a pint.

The council tried to give me a bill for 'failing to sweep out the house'. It turned out that they were charging me for failing to remove the stair carpet...which was underneath a council supplied stairlift. (I'd checked with the town house officials beforehand and they'd told me not to worry.) Yes, I got the charge overturned.

I admit that I only got rid of my lecture notes a few years ago...I graduated in '84.

I'm eyeing the shelf of mine after seeing DH do his. We actually studied the same subject at the same time 300 miles apart - but we didn't meet for another 20 years. I looked over his shoulder and it was all gibberish to me, I can't believe I ever understood that stuff. Although I work in a science based role there is no way I'll ever need to know that ever again. Once there's space in the recycling bin mine are going too, and then I get a shelf back in my woman cave.

I'm still finding things related to my teaching career that I can put out or pass on to other teachers. I appear to have purchased far too many notebooks and pens in my lifetime.

What a great charity, thank you for sharing. Some lovely Christmas present ideas there too!

A big issue with clearing a house is that it takes a lot of time and energy, i spent weeks clearing a relatives house. Most charity shops dont want anything or dont turn up, the BHF are the worst timewasters, take pics, say they will collect and dont. Gumtree, free cycle , facebook , olio are full of time wasters who also dont turn up or moan when a free item cant be delivered etc. We are in a country that is saturated with stuff that nobody wants. Some nieghbours near me, got 5 skips after dealing with all the timewasters, it cost them over 4k..people then took items out..i got a brand new microwave and air fryer out of their skips !!

Hoarding is a mental health condition! ….
Collecting things of value isn’t… but hoarding is!
it isn’t mean to say that….. unless you think mental health is shameful of-course??
I don’t think mental health is shameful, and neither is hoarding…. Until that is it becomes an issue for the individual / access for emergency services or an issue for the neighbours

@WearyAuldWumman please just sign your house over to your favourite charity !
leave it to a children’s charity, a dog charity or literally anything but to your horrible cousins!! Or even to a friends child that spends time with you? There must be someone who you feel cares for you and helps you that would have a lovely surprise thank you after you pass …. Or pay for someone to clear it with you and then sell the house yourself and move into a wardened controlled place where you’ll have the opportunity to make friend & spend your money on cruises !!

I’m fortunate in that mum told me her cash hiding place and her document filing place. She already did a huge clear out to downsize, but still has an awful lot of stuff, none of which I want. My only sibling emigrated so won’t be able to (doesn’t want to anyway) take anything. It will be down to me to clear it.

Be wary of auction houses: when she downsized, they only took the massive kitchen table, solid wood with carved legs. I was surprised they didn’t want anything else.

Re leaving a landlord to clear out a relative’s rented accommodation, legally, yes, although nowhere in my ll’s insurance does it cover anyone dying/house clearance and we removed 8 car loads from my aggressive alcoholic’s house when he did a flit after not paying the rent for months. Morally, I’m not sure I could just abrogate the responsibility 🤷‍♀️plus I’m quite nosy so I’d want to sift through belongings.

@WearyAuldWumman

You can write a letter of wishes to go with your will but it isn’t legally binding. If you want something specific for your funeral, organise this with your solicitor to ensure it happens. Do you have one? Leaving your house etc to a charity is reasonably straightforward and the only issue from what I’ve heard is that they’re quite persistent with the executors because they want the money.

We have said we want direct to funeral so if the one remaining Is compus mentus, this will happen, but for the second person, it’s up to our niece and nephew who will inherit as we don’t have dc.

Remember that sorting out the house is only an issue for the executor(s). You can be a beneficiary of a will but not the executor, in which case the executor will make all the decisions and then you will get some money at the end of it. If you think you may inherit, check who the executor is.

You might just be surprised at what is and isn't valuable. Jewellery that looks like tat to you might well be from an era that is very much wanted now. 1920s jewellery has a habit of looking like tat but actually is very valuable now.

Have you looked at any of the auction house videos like

DVDs can also be collectable as can glass.

Why the rush - do your research on auction houses and take it from there. Old furniture whilst big is also making a comeback due its quality.

Inherit it all. Pay someone to put it all on eBay at 99p + postage.

The person you hire has to wrap and post it all, and they get 50% of the profit, after eBay fees and postage costs. Anythign that does not sell in a week goes to the tip.

JOB DONE

Pay someone to put it all on eBay at 99p + postage.

@SingleSexSpacesInSchools Where the hell do you get this 'someone'? I looked into this before and most businesses that offer this have a price cut off so won't accept anything worth less than £30/40/50 which excludes almost all books, dvds, glasswear and so on.

@Xmasiscomingsoon something else to consider before you rush to chuck everything in the bin and while they are alive find out what items have a real family history to them - it can be really lovely to pass on jewellery that belonged to a grandmother, great grand mother and so on or a watch that has been worn by two or three generations. Similarly books that were awarded to school children as prizes with presentation book plates in them - the kind of things that are part of your family history, may be loved and admired by your children or future geneartions - can just get chucked out into a skip. I would also keep things like paper birth certificates, marriage certs etc - stick it in a single file - as this is part of preserving your children's history for their future.

Facebook? Friends? Literally anyone who wants to make some cash in hand? Be more resourceful!

Just one piece of jewellery hidden in the house from years long gone, is a goldmine for house clearance companies that have the patience to look. If you can't be bothered, let someone else treasure hunt. There have been some incredible finds, long forgotten by elderly owners.

Facebook? Friends? Literally anyone who wants to make some cash in hand? Be more resourceful!

LOL. Why on earth would you trust a random person on Facebook to deal with money for you and your goods that they could just steal? It's absolutely never a good idea to get involved in financial arrangements with friends ever.

So much for your be more resourceful! That's the point - it's very difficult to sell individual cheaper items even if they add up to a lot as a collection if you aren't prepared to do it yourself.

If you don't live nearby, it is really difficult to sell stuff. My cousin wanted us to list books on a particular site, but it can take months or years for them to shift. Even furniture - you can't necessarily keep popping to the house to arrange pick ups and people often don't turn up. There is a huge difference between what is practical and what is actually doable.

@Arran2024 I completely agree. My mum would clear things out from time to time (very slowly!) and was fond of saying, "You could sell that on ebay." She'd never do such a thing herself. So, I'd look up what it was likely to go for on ebay, find some for sale at 99p, and not bother.

Another time she said that a large garden ornament similar to one she had sold for £50 on some TV auction programme. All well and good, but she lived 100s of miles from me and I'd visit by public transport, so I couldn't be taking stuff to auctions.

It's also impossible to organise sales of on facebook, gumtree etc., unless you can take things away to sell from your own house. They can take weeks or months to get rid of, even at a low price or free, and you have to deal with lots of no-shows along the way.

Odd you lot all get worked up about their stuff. What about them? They will pass away and your husband will have no parents. Just a mean miserable wife who doesn't want their things. Might you have more space for these things if they were worth something?

Hoarders Just see their stuff very differently...

My friend had a serious hoarder father... She too was dreading having to clear her dad's house... In the end, on his death her and her sibs rescued a few items they wanted and got a company to clear and take to dump..
They did the entire house in two days...

Do that. Bin the lot it will save you hours of stress and angst.