Close friend has gone NC with me over her DP

[Abbeyshome]

I am feeling really upset and questioning whether I did the right thing or not.

I am single currently and was at a gathering at my friends house two weekends ago - a mix of couples, and a couple of us who are single.

My friend’s DP was alone with me in the kitchen for a couple of minutes, we were getting more drinks and chatting politely (we’ve met before and no issues). He made a highly sexual comment which I immediately shut down and he apologised.

I told my friend the next day as I thought she had a right to know. At first, she said she was thankful and said she was sorry I had to experience that. But last week she sent me a long message about how she didn’t think it was a good idea we see each other any more and that she can’t have her DP being around me so she’s going to have to ‘move on’ but wishes me all the best.

I feel really hurt and now have so many things running around my head - most of all, should I have told her or put it down to alcohol and forgot about it. I guess it just feels like our friendship meant nothing and was disposable all along.

Any advice would be welcome x

Sisterhood!

YANBU.

You did the right thing.

She is dillusional if she thinks she has a partner she can rely on.

She treated you badly. I'd call her out, but then I'm happy to call ad behaviour out, you might not be. In any case, you don't need friends like her.

She wants to keep you away from her "happy" haha relationship as you are a risk to it. It is very sad that she has chosen him over you. But there is nothing you could have done about it.

I bet he told her you made up the comment or you tried it on with him hence the comment she can’t leave you alone with him .

Let her know you will always be there for her

That comment is so horrific and you did absolutely the right thing. She is being a mug, but it’s shit for you that you are the collateral damage.

Unfortunately OP you have no idea what he's told her, he's probably denied it and said you were trying it on with him! She's very foolish to put this creepy man above a friendship which she'll live and learn in time. I'm not surprised you're upset but you did the right thing.

Not everything has to be shared. Some moments are best left where they finished. If you shut it down and he apologised for the comment, what was the point in telling your friend? There's immaturity on all sides here. The friend, the partner, and you.

Total mea culpa, didn't read the subsequent post about what the comment was. You did the right thing, OP. The comment is beyond the pale. Apologies.

You did the right thing.

She's desperate / in denial.

The point in telling her was so that she knows her partner isn't trustworthy. Would you really not tell your friend that, keep seeing them socially, have to be nice to this man in front of her, all the while knowing what he was like? What about if he later cheated on her? With friends like these...

She has chosen a tosser.
You did the right tning giving her the heads up.
But like a lot of stupid women she has decided to go with him.

This will not end well for her, but you now have the measure of her.

By all means wish her well, but make it clear YOU told her the truth about HIS sleazy creepy behaviour, and YOU did NOTHING wrong.

Be honest with anyone who asks why.

She may well contact you again when things inevitably go tits up, but I wouldn't ever invest in her again.

She's one of those women that puts any loser ahead of a friend.

I'm so sorry for you, but better you know.
This is who she is.

I am aghast at all the (presumably) women saying she shouldn't have told her friend!

He made un unwanted, disgusting, sexual comment to her - of course she should call him out on it! This is why men get away with it.

Vile.

Maybe if he was doing it regularly that might be a consideration. But a drunken one off comment which he apologized for? Nope

This or that he was joking made a joke and you’ve made it sound worse than it actually was

She did call him out on it and he apologized

and so now she has to keep it secret?

Nope, nope, nope.

This

When she comes back, tell her to get to fuck! Shes no friend of yours.

this. I suspect her view is that if she keeps the two of you apart, he won't do anything like it again. Its not that she sees you as disposable but she sees the situation as a choice between him and you and has chosen him. I don't think she is right but she doesn't see that.

The op did call him out

Exactly! I wouldn't accept being put in the position of keeping it secret in front of MY friend (whose feelings I'd care about a lot more than those of her untrustworthy boyfriend) for the sake of... what? I can't even see the positives of not telling her.

He's told her it was banter, you took it too seriously and of course he didn't mean it, she's different from all the other women he dated before. Men like him rely on women saying nothing, it lets him be a sleezebag with no comeback so well done on speaking up.
I'm sorry you've lost your friend but in time he'll show his true colours

Super-grim.

I'd take it as a blessing you don't have to mix with him. He does not sound safe at all.

She's made a poor decision but you have no idea what he's said to her.

Maybe if he was doing it regularly that might be a consideration. But a drunken one off comment which he apologized for? Nope

Have you read the comment? Its pretty extreme and might change your mind. It wasn't drunken flirting or banter.

You did the right thing @Abbeyshome. Whether he’s spun her a lie or this is her insecurity cutting you off, you are well rid.
You probably weren’t the first woman he’s said something like this to and he certainly won’t be the last. When she comes crawling back, send her on her way.

As for the usual coterie of pick mes saying he apologised, you’re the problem - just because they tolerate this sort of behaviour to keep hold of men, doesn’t mean people with self respect and loyalty are attention seeking.

Your ex friend is pathetic!!

ew that's revolting. I suppose you were meant to feel flattered by that OP? What a catch he is...not. 😑