Close friend has gone NC with me over her DP

[Abbeyshome]

I am feeling really upset and questioning whether I did the right thing or not.

I am single currently and was at a gathering at my friends house two weekends ago - a mix of couples, and a couple of us who are single.

My friend’s DP was alone with me in the kitchen for a couple of minutes, we were getting more drinks and chatting politely (we’ve met before and no issues). He made a highly sexual comment which I immediately shut down and he apologised.

I told my friend the next day as I thought she had a right to know. At first, she said she was thankful and said she was sorry I had to experience that. But last week she sent me a long message about how she didn’t think it was a good idea we see each other any more and that she can’t have her DP being around me so she’s going to have to ‘move on’ but wishes me all the best.

I feel really hurt and now have so many things running around my head - most of all, should I have told her or put it down to alcohol and forgot about it. I guess it just feels like our friendship meant nothing and was disposable all along.

Any advice would be welcome x

I did a similar thing back in my 20’s. I told a work friend about how her fiancé had come on really strong to me when I saw him in a nightclub. It completely backfired. Exactly the same as you, she was fine when I told her and said she appreciated me letting her know. But when she spoke to him about it, apparently it was me all over him and he practically had to fight me off! She wouldn’t speak to me again.

I never get involved now.

Disagree completely.

I also had this (who didn't?). Told the friend, she promptly dumped me and stayed with him. They married. He made her a broodmare, she's at home, birthing and raising child after child, no job, no own money, no education, no prospects. He fucked his way through our hometown, neighbouring towns and is currently working through further fields. She's not going to leave him, nowhere to go.

I was sad for a while, I was young. Now I have better friends. The ones self-respecting and smart enough not to stay with an absolute sleaze and a cheat, and loyal enough, not to put a random dick above else.

You did the right thing, OP, don't feel bad. She made her bed.

Also, honest to god, I hope my friends are not like (some) people commenting here. If my 'boyfriend' offered to fuck any of them on the kitchen table, I really really hope they'd come and tell me.

Make sure you tell them as soon as you get there. You don’t want them hearing his fake version first.

You did the right thing to tell her OP. She needs to know what a sleazy POS she’s with. And she’s a shit friend for choosing him over you.

I’m back from seeing my friends and they mentioned it straight away. Luckily they are sympathetic and completely believe my account.

It’s as many of you predicted, he told my friend that I was all over him and tried to kiss him and he turned me down so I was verbally abusive to him. Complete lies.

One of my friends I saw earlier who is married, had a couples night out with my friend and her partner not long after they got together. She said that they were talking in a bar out of earshot and he suggested she joined them for a threesome. She never mentioned it to her though, as she said she would just ignore it as she’s infatuated with him.

I am not going to reach out to my friend, I’m sure she’ll be back when it all falls apart.

Of course he did! What a tosser 🙄 she's very foolish to fall for it, unfortunately you're right, she will find out in time.

Wow @Abbeyshome really now it’s happened to two of you the other person should let your mutual friend know. The boyfriend is a real piece of work!

You need to raise that bar with female friendships.

Your friend may be infatuated but she's a complete fool to dump you, who presumably have been a friend for some time, for this guy. Bad judgement all around.

He's got form I guarantee it and wifey knows but rather than dump his ass she's thinking of ways for him to stick around... oh dear one thing is for sure they haven't got a decent marriage

Hi op,

you meant something or she would not have bothered but it still hurts!
she is insecure. And you can’t change that. If I’d fell any women trying anything, I would plant my flag no issue so for her to think she needs to not see you…is sad…coz if he wants to cheat, he will.

I would have chosen a friend over a man that can’t be trusted! You need a better friend and when she comes back…tell her you « moved on ».

They’re not married. He’s a bf of just 9 months. She’s a twat.

Shes being short sighted... its only a matter of time before he says it to someone with less scruples

Tbh if she will discard you so easily maybe the took itself out