Do you know an alcoholic? What has happened to them?

[BottleDown]

My partner of 5 years is an alcoholic. We have a young child. I am making plans to leave, but it’s absolutely heartbreaking.

If there’s an alcoholic in your life, what has happened to them?

I used to work with clients with addiction issues.

Almost every one of the alcoholics had a history of parental neglect, trauma or abuse of some sort. If there was more help for people with that sort of history, they might find it easier to beat their addiction.

There's little point in detoxing an alcoholic and sending them to rehab if the underlying issues aren't addressed imo. One client spent 3 weeks in detox and almost a year in rehab, and bought a bottle of vodka on the way to the station the day she was discharged. She died a few months later. She was only 42, and a lovely, intelligent, talented woman, but alcohol was the only thing that eased the pain of a truly awful childhood.

The heroin addicts tended to fare much better. I live quite near one of my ex-junkie clients and he's been clean for around 12 years now.

The last one sounds like my close relative. She is aware she has a problem, has been admitted to hospital over it and been to rehab more than once but just won't stop. Its like watching a slow motion car crash knowing that there's only one outcome. I dont know how anyone can get through to her if she's not ready to stop

My dad was an alcoholic, he caused me a lot of embarrassment and stress as a child plus long term emotional damage from verbal abuse, he was nasty when drunk. My mum divorced him over it when i was 12 and i didnt speak to him for years . He eventually quit years later when he was around 60 and his second wife threatened to leave him over it. He managed to not have any health issues from drinking somehow but he was also a heavy smoker his whole life and died last year from COPD at 73. Our relationship had never really recovered, we were in contact the last few years but i wasnt that sad when he died.

My daughters dad takes drugs and wont stop so after 2 years of giving him chances and being lied to over and over ive now cut him out of our lives. I know first hand the damage that having a father with substance issues can do and i dont want that for my child. I suggest you leave asap

Not all alcoholics have a history of parental neglect, trauma or abuse of some sort. My brother hadn’t. When he’d finally engaged with AA and found himself a drinking buddy (theoretically his mentor) he’d make up all sorts of excuses and lie about everything but even then he didn’t claim make up any previously undisclosed parental neglect, trauma or abuse and believe me he would have if he could have made that story even a tiny bit convincing.

My mother; she died.

In the last couple of years she was in and out of hospital; she wouldn't admit she had a problem or engage with treatment, So they would stabilise her and send her home with a care package, until she had another crisis and bounced back into hospital

She actually died in an accident at home; she must have been trying to light a cigarette from the cooker and set herself on fire. Beyond grim, but absent sectioning her, or being willing to engage, it was never going to end well, as she was impossible to help or deal with.

I am an alcoholic - still find it pretty hard to say that 😢 I quit drinking for several years but started again which I bitterly regretted. However I got to a point where if I had carried on drinking as I was, I could well have ended up in an early grave. Now been sober just under 2 years & feel so much better for it!

A family friend used to seem like a “lush” as if she just enjoyed red wine too much. But then we became aware that she drank every meal time.

She was diagnosed with lung cancer and a heart issue, both directly caused by drinking. The lung cancer resolved. I’m not sure about the heart. The last time I saw her was for a lunch. She arrived before lunch stinking of white spirit and then found an open bottle of white wine in the fridge and drank the remainder before lunch was served.

I had a friend (occasionally a boyfriend) and he died about 3 years ago aged late fifties after an operation for alcohol-related issues.

Several extended family members have died young from alcoholism or related issues.

It’s a very long and tough road to travel back to sobriety. My last partner was an alcoholic and I’m horrified now when I think about what I put up with. It’s a selfish disease.

Two very long term close friends, both died early as a result.

I know an alcoholic who drinks cans of Stella is alive well into his 70s I’m actually waiting on him to die because he is clearly depressed and I think he will be better off. Don’t shun me for saying that we all have tried to help him. He smokes heavily as well

FIL - my DP and I were 20, his brother was 13. FIL Had been drinking secretly for years then it blew up when he got made redundant. We forced him to A&E, had to call the police went through absolute hell. He never would accept help. Refused rehab, ended up in hospital numerous times but always self discharged. Got caught drunk driving. Spent all of his and his wife’s savings on alcohol (50k over years she had no idea) He eventually moved out of the family home (he’d been very abusive to MIL and we had to make SS referrals due to child in the home). He died in his sleep in the bedsit he was staying in 3 years later.

My mum. She stopped in her 30s and now in her 70s. Her physical health in ok I think. She’s destroyed her mental health as well as her relationships with other people including her children. Nightmare to grow up with as giving up drinking didn’t automatically improve things. She is a self absorbed narcissist and I think her alcoholism has a big part to play in that.

I used to. He developed liver cancer and died late 40s/ early 50s

Sure, lots.

Grandfather - gave up drinking at 55 when his wife left him. Died of cancer.
Dad. Gave up drinking at 30 when his wife left him. Still alive.
Uncle: Never gave up drinking, suicide at 45.
Cousin: Never gave up drinking, now at 65 is completely pickled and struggling to work in a physical industry. Lives alone. Also a pothead. Affable.
Sibling: Very successful, drinks at night. Has episodes.
Aunt: Still drinking in her late 70s, physically disabled due to it, also major mental degeneration. Burden to her children.

A very sad thread. DH’s first wife started drinking in her early 30s, was dead within 10 years. My uncle, lost his mother when he was 15, never managed to cope,first drink of the day was 10am.
Get away from your sad alcoholic partner as soon as possible. Protect your child and start a new life. Your DP’s priority will always be drink.

@MarmaladeSandwich7 well done 👏 I know how difficult sobriety is when you’re an alcoholic but that sobriety gives you a life back.